Journal
Wednesday 30th Jan 2002
Well, well, well... I am a HAPPY bunny! Had my offical weigh-in today because I am out tomorrow night. 125.5kgs. That's 2kg lost and proud of myself I am! Saw this today - As Mark Twain once said, "Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time." hehe. Very true that is. I've eaten more fatty foods than I should today but I am not feeling guilty - I enjoyed them. I'll just get back on the wagon tomorrow. Went to the gym after work and had a really good workout on the Precor Freewalker, Crossrobics and the bike then walked home. Got absolutely drenched with rain coming home though - hate that. :P I'm feeling very relaxed now but I can feel my body singing about how happy it is to have such a good workout.
Tuesday 29th Jan 2002
I don't really have much to write about today. Ate well and did my workout video. I'm feeling very relaxed and actually enjoying making these changes to my eating and exercising habits. It's amazing that it's nearly the end of the month and this effort is so much better than any of my previous attempts to lose weight. Euan just complimented me by commenting that I am eating slower these days. :-)))
Monday 28th Jan 2002
It's funny, I don't really feel like I'm on a diet this time. I'm making good food choices. I'm not really depriving myself either. Today I had a Turkish Delight bar after lunch which is pretty good calorie wise but is oh so tasty. I can't quite get over the desire for something sweet after a meal. Just gotta make sure there is fruit, yoghurts or low fat deserts on hand. The other thing I'm getting better at is not beating myself up if I do eat something I shouldn't. I'm trying to work out why I ate it and then put it behind me and move on. I haven't wasted the day. I had a good workout in the gym. Sweated lots - just hope that was due to my hard work and not the temperature in the gym! For dinner Euan and I had this incredibly yummy thai chicken dish with basil, garlic, shallots, chillies and fish sauce served with noddles. I found a low fat thai cookbook which is terrific because I ADORE thai food. Euan and I are going to try lots more of the recipes in it.
Sunday 27th Jan 2002
Had a really nice day today, very relaxed. The party on Saturday night was mixed success dietwise but was a nice night socially. I was peckish when we got there so nibbled on the chips and dips more than I should have but once I actually got some proper food and felt full I was able to stop and I drank diet coke so hopefully I haven't done too much damage. Even though I was enjoying yesterday I felt like I need to get rid of some of my energy. I was starting to get a bit irritated because I was bored and was snacking so I put on Helen's Dance Workout. 
For those of you reading this who aren't from the UK Helen was the runner-up in the most recent Big Brother tv programme. The video is fun and is a good 50 minute workout that can be done in the lounge room. The backing music isn't really loud enough though. The best bit is hearing her wincing as she is completing leg lifts - it makes a nice change to seeing a video by some ultra fit woman who could do leg lifts all day! I was glad I did some exercise rather than sitting around all day.
Saturday 26th Jan 2002
Feeling pretty chuffed! Euan and I went to the gym today and I weighed in at 125.5kgs! Because it isn't my Thursday weigh day I'm not going to put it on the progress chart but it makes me feel my efforts are paying off. That makes it 2kgs lost and well on the way to my first goal of 120kgs. I'd really like to reach 90kgs by the end of the year. I put in another hard cardio workout today which left me feeling decidely shakey but in a good way. :-) Had a yummy baked potato with some cheese for lunch. Here's a picture of the StairMaster Crossrobics, my new favourite machine.
It looks far more difficult than it is. Considering it's taken me 15 months of going to the gym to actually get on the machine I just wish I'd tried it sooner. I used to do a lot of weights in the gym but because I use a computer all day my neck and shoulders get very tense and my osteopath thinks I'm better off skipping the weights. So now I'm spending more time doing cardio in the gym and I think that really is far better for weight loss. Well, actually, I know it is! I'm trying a new exercise class next Saturday, it's a Tomahawk Indoor Cycling class and I have no idea if I'll enjoy it or not but it sounds fun so I thought I'd try it out. I'll write a report next week. Tonight is the 50th birthday party and I am determined to not to undo my hard work. Wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding.... must keep focused! I've had a banana milkshake (skim milk, banana, sweetner and cinnamon) - very tasty and good for me too. Euan's promised to buy me a sexy evening dress when I get to my goal weight. YAY!!! That's an incentive... I love wearing beautiful dresses but when I am so fat I know they don't look very good on me.
Friday 25th Jan 2002
Another 0.5kg off. I guess slow and steady is better than nothing at all. I've been to the gym 4 times in the last week and last night I tried a new machine that I never thought I would touch. It's called a Cross Trainer and you lie on a 45 degree angle and push weighs down so it's a bit like walking on an angle. The best thing was it really pushed my heart rate up but nothing in my body really hurt. Guess I should explain that... when I'm on an exercise bike I find pedalling fast enough to get my heart rate up tends to make my legs feel like they are really working. If I use the rower my back gets tender. It's not pain that lasts thank goodness but it is nice to find something that is relatively pain free to use. I don't really believe in feeling the burn that badly. lol!! My eating has been fairly good and I am finding my appetite isn't as bad as it was. I was having trouble getting my head around the fact that I was going to have to deprive myself of food when I went on this diet but something has clicked in my head and I'm actually finding I don't care anymore. My goal of looking lovely for my wedding is far more important. I picture myself looking gorgeous wearing my wedding dress dancing happily with my man in front of my family and friends and that inspires me to say no to the chocolates and cakes. Something else I have been doing a lot of this week is reading success stories. I think it is helping me to see that even though I have a lot of weight to lose I can get there. Hey, if those other people can I can. My mother always said I could do anything I really set my mind to. I don't think she meant it as a total comment given my willful ways at times in the past. lol But, she is right. My fiancee and I were talking last night and were saying we needed to go to the gym on Saturday because we have a 50th that night and we would probably pig out. I stop and thought, no, I don't really want to pig out. I want to be slim a lot more than that. You only taste the nice food for a moment and then it's gone but the effects remain. Thinking about it so logically it's not really worth it to keep shoveling the food in. Which is what I have always done. I always finish faster than others so my focus this week is to make sure I taste every bite and if I don't have the time to taste it then I probably shouldn't be eating it. It's interesting how much better I feel when I'm eating more fruit and vegetables and less fat. I feel much lighter, even if it doesn't show on the scales and I definately have a lot more energy.
Thursday 17th Jan 2002
I'm not terribly good at this journal malarky am I! I didn't realise it had been 4 days since I'd last written. The days just seem to fly past, I find it hard to believe it's the middle of January already. I've been to the gym tonight and had my weigh in - 127kgs so I have lost 0.5kg (about 1lb). Not as much as I would like but hey, it's a loss isn't it. I really didn't expect any more than that. I've been doing my very best to change my habits but it's not always that easy. I will do my best to keep focusing on changing habits this week and do more exercise and hope for a better result next week. Discovered some new yummies at the supermarket - Thai baked crisps. They are great and lower in fat than your average crisps.
Sunday 13th Jan 2002
Euan and I had a nice weekend but not so good for eating. We went to TGI Friday's on Saturday night to help a friend celebrate his birthday and after three courses I was quite stuffed but damn the food was yummy. I'd say the only redeming thing diet wise about dinner was that I actually left some of my dinner and most of the chips and I would never have done that in the past. Euan and I dragged ourselves out of the house for a walk today and ate much better today. I've joined up with a diet plan called realslimmers.com. They send a weekly diet sheet each week for 12 weeks so I'm going to follow that and hope it'll keep me on the straight and narrow. I've got an ambitious plan so I need to push myself. I felt quite shocking when I woke up this morning after eating so much last night. I really need to remmber that feeling. That's the way I stopped social smoking last year. I was sitting outside one lunchtime with two of my work friends in 2000 having a cigarette and I was suddenly hit by this horrid feeling that I was going to be sick. Remembering that feeling was a highly effective way of sticking to last year's resolution of not smoking. If I can just do that with eating then I will hopefully prevent myself from over eating.
Friday 11th Jan 2002
Really, really didn't want to go to work today but eventually Euan kicked me out of the house and I ended up having a really good day, got lots of things completed which gave me a real buzz. Also meant I didn't think about food all afternoon and it was only when I got in the car to come home that I realised I was hungry. Euan made me a low fat seafood paella - YUMMY! My eating was so so in the morning because I was kinda depressed and grumpy to be at work. I had a few tears before leaving the house because I still feel like such a pathetic person at times. I'm just so overweight and also I don't seem to know what I want to do with my life. I mean I like my job well enough but I don't think I'm going to spend the rest of my working life doing the job I'm doing. Euan and I went to see Lord of the Rings again after dinner. Gawd, I could just watch that movie over and over and over again. It's truely magnificant. Now, I just wish I could find someone to teach me sword fighting - that would burn a few calories I think!
Wednesday 9th Jan 2002
Got to the gym last night, finally! Did 20 minutes on the bike and 20 minutes on the Precor Freewalker. It's been a while since I've been so my legs were pretty tired after that lot but it was good to be back. Weighed myself and found I'm 127.5kgs so I've put on a bit over the Christmas period but hopefully it will come off pretty quick. Hmmm, another good reason to lose weight - better sex.
Tuesday 8th Jan 2002
Well, it's been an interesting couple of days. I was feeling really terrific on Sunday - ready to tackle the challenge of this weight loss plan... and then I went back to work. Let me fill you in. I was feeling very tense and stressed before the Christmas break getting a project wrapped up and thought I'd feel much better when I came back after the break. Unfortunately, I've now come back and am feeling as horrid as I was before my holiday due to a nearly constant stream of people wanting help with things and just not really very happy in the job I am doing. I've always been a very emotional comfort eater so this has just set me off - I came home last night and just wanted to stuff my face with food. Today hasn't been any better - if I could have found a reason to stay home today I would have. Anyway, whilst this all sounds bad it's actually a good learning experience. I've actually been able to listen to what my body wants. Okay, so it wants bad things but if I can change my circumstances then I should be feeling better. Realising that this is still in my control does make me feel better. I was having a talk to someone yesterday about setting boundaries. I have problems saying no to people and what this person said to me was that not being able to set boundaries with others makes it very hard for me to set boundaries for myself. So, lot's of practice needed in that area! I haven't made it to a set of scales yet but hopefully will on Thursday.
Sunday 6th Jan 2002
Hi! This is my first entry in this journal. I'm really looking forward to seeing website grow as I get smaller. lol I tried on my barometer jeans today... couldn't get them over my bum. I'll keep trying them on and you bet you'll hear about it! I bought those jeans about 2.5 years ago and I wasn't slim then... oh well, it's something to aim for - get those jeans done up. My food choices the past two days have been really good. Given that Euan and I certainly enjoyed ourselves over the Christmas/New Year period it needed to be done! I wasn quite pleased with myself today. I am getting over a cold and cough so can't really do any vigourous exercise yet but I did walk into town, about 20 mins each way.