NiNi: “Hey, do you guys want to take a quiz from my magazine?”
Kevin: “What magazine?”
NiNi: “YM.”
Erin: “What the hell do you have a copy of YM for anyway, isn't that a teenie-bopper magazine?”
NiNi: “Well, my younger sister subscribes and I was too cheap to buy anything
else to bring on this trip. Do you want to take the quiz or what?”
Mel: “What’s the quiz about?”
NiNi: “It is entitled, Are you a Good Flirt?”
Kevin: “Absolutely, this is totally my thing, I am a great flirt!!”
Erin: “You have never flirted with me.”
Kevin: “Yeah, well, I am more into the Cameron Diaz type.”
Erin: “Ahhh! Hello, we were separated at birth!”
NiNi: “OK, first question…You’ve memorized your crush’s class schedule.
Kevin: “See I told you I was a great flirt, I’ve memorized the class schedule of
every crush I’ve ever had!”
(Mel, Erin, and NiNi stare in silence at Kevin.)
NiNi: (Continuing as if nothing was said,) “When you “casually” run into him,
you:
A) strike up a conversation about how much he reminds you of Nick
Lachey- which is perfect, considering how much you remind yourself of Jessica Simpson.
B) congratulate him on acing his history midterm and suggest that you study for the next test together.
C) apologize for bumping into him and quickly walk away.”
Erin: “Well, since I remind myself more of Cameron Diaz than Jessica
Simpson, I would have to go with C, because that’s about the time I would
realize that he probably wasn’t good looking enough to be seen with me
anyway.”
Kevin: “You know upon reflection, I do kind of remind myself of Jessica
Simpson, so I will go with A.”
Mel: “B.”
NiNi: “#2. Three guys from your school come into the record store during your
shift. You:
A) alphabetize the hip-hop section as they browse through it, but keep your mouth shut.
B) give them a personal recommendation on CDs that are great for making out to.
C) wait for them at the register- where you’ll impress them with your in-depth knowledge of Blink-182.”
Kevin: “I am torn, I do know a lot about Blink, but it seems a waste to not give
them my alphabetized print-out of make-out CDs; there are some great
ones on there. It is tough, but I will go with…C, like I said I do know a lot
about Blink.”
Mel: “A.”
Erin: “Also A.”
NiNi: “You and your friends meet up with a bunch of guys at the movies, and
you end up grabbing a seat next to your crush. You:
A) avoid the armrest for the entire flick.
B) buy some Twizzlers and ask him if he wants to share.
C) Bury your head in his shoulder at the very first note of creepy music.
Mel: “B.”
Erin: “C, I really don’t like scary movies.”
Kevin: “A, I have a paranoia about public armrests; they are very germy.”
NiNi: “#4. Somehow you get paired up with the only hot guy in your chemistry
class. During you lab assignment, you:
A) get serious about science and restrict the conversation to Bunsen burners.
B) offer to help him put on his safety goggles.
C) announce that it’s no coincidence that the two of you met in “chemistry” class- it must be fate!”
Erin: “B, I wouldn’t want him to put them on wrong and then look like a geek
standing next to me.”
Mel: “A, I burnt a lock of hair over a Bunsen burner once.”
Kevin: “B.”
NiNi: “It’s girls’ night out at the diner, and just as you reach out to grab a cheese
fry, you notice half the varsity football team sitting at a nearby table. You:
A) toss a handful of greasy fries their way to get them to look over at you.
B) adjust your position so that number 62 has a perfect view of you.
C) keep on eating and chat them up on your way out.”
Mel: “That is a totally stupid question.”
Erin: “A.”
Kevin: “B, I look better from the side.”
NiNi: “You’re at a New Year’s Eve party, and you’re hoping to get a midnight
kiss from a guy friend you secretly like. When the clock strikes 12, you:
A) mumble something about how pathetic you both are for not having
dates.
B) drag him onto the dance floor and get a tiny bit closer than you
normally would.
C) throw our arms around him and pucker up.”
Erin: “A, but I would just mumble how pathetic he is for not having a date. I
am sure I just had too many offers to choose from.”
Kevin: “C, I prefer the direct approach.”
Mel: “A.”
NiNi: “#7. Your basketball practice is just letting out as the guy’s team is
coming into the gym. Your first instinct is to:
A) bolt- you’d die if they saw you sweating.
B) goof off so the entire team gets a good look at you before their coach finally kicks you out.
C) stall for a minute so you have time to congratulate them on their latest victory.”
Mel: “A, definitely bolt, one of their parents may be a cop, and I hate sweating in
front of cops.”
Kevin: “C.”
Erin: “B, but I wouldn’t need to ‘goof off,’ they couldn’t help but look at me
anyway.”
NiNi: “Last question… When a couple of cute guys check you out in the mall
food court…”
Erin: “I would look into losing some weight, who in the hell wants to be
checked out in the mall food court by drooling animals?”
NiNi: “Anyway, I will continue, You:
A) give them a smirk and a ‘Hey, boys’ as you glide by.
B) make yourself comfortable at their table while your friends stare in disbelief.
C) turn bright red after accidentally making eye contact with one of them.”
Erin: “B.”
Kevin: “A.”
Mel: “C… Anybody else feel like a drink right now?”
NiNi: “Ok, let me add up your scores quick… Ready? Kevin, you are a ‘Guy
Getter.’
Erin: “Oh, my God, if Kevin is a ‘Guy Getter’ I don’t even want to know what
this quiz says I am. Good God!
Mel: “No, shit! Don’t tell me mine either.”
NiNi: “Kevin, would you like me to read your description?”
Kevin: “Absolutely! I told you guys I was a good flirt.”
NiNi: “You have a knack for seizing the moment and spicing it up- just enough.
Way to win those boys over! You’ve mastered the art of putting yourself
on his radar, and you don’t make the fatal mistake of trying too hard.
Since you already know how to show interest without broadcasting it to
the entire world, now you can concentrate on being selective and getting
the attention of the right guy. ‘You’re already a good flirt…”
Kevin: “I knew it!!”
NiNi: (Continuing…) “so make sure you direct your energy toward a guy you
really like,’ advises Susan Rabin, author of 101 Ways to Flirt. The most
effective flirts are choosy about the boys they chat up- they don’t worry
about the ‘how,’ it’s the ‘who’ they care about. So pick a worthy
candidate and work your magic!”
Erin: “Ok, NiNi, you’ve had your fun. I think we should switch magazines and
you can answer some questions from Glamour, an adult magazine.”
NiNi: “Ok. What’s this quiz?”
Erin: “Are you a Good-Girl Gwyneth?”
NiNi: “Ok, let’s see.”
Erin: “Would your friends keel over if they saw you smoking a cigarette?”
NiNi: “Yes, sometimes I flick them for the experience though, but I have never
put one to my mouth.”
Erin: “Are all of your vacation days devoted to quality time with the family?”
NiNi: “Of course, is there anything more important than family?”
Erin: “Do you refuse to move in with him until you’ve both said ‘I do’?”
NiNi: “Certainly!”
Erin: “Do you identify with Miss America, Mother Teresa and Snow White?”
NiNi: “I suppose.”
Erin: “Does you bedroom still have a canopy bed with a frilly pink comforter,
covered with tons of stuffed animals?”
NiNi: “My comforter is actually yellow.”
Erin: “Are you flattered when people say you look just like your mother?”
NiNi: “My mom is adorable!”
Erin: “When you stub your toe, do you totally lose control and shout ‘shoot,’
‘gosh darn it’ or ‘fudge’?”
NiNi: “No, when I turned 22, I started swearing.”
Erin: “Is your nickname among all of your friends Designated Driver?”
NiNi: “Well, somebody has to do it.”
Erin: “Do you still call your parents Mummy and Daddy?”
NiNi: “Don’t you?”
Erin: “When your man suggests a little S&M, do you automatically assume he
means supper and a movie?”
NiNi: “Not necessarily.”
Kevin: “SEE!! I told you guys!!!!”
NiNi: (Innocently) “You told us what?”
Kevin: “Oh, nothing.”
(Erin knowingly nods at Kevin. Mel has fallen asleep. NiNi has gone back to reading YM.)
