We were past Eau Claire and about 50 miles outside of Madison when it happened. Right on the outskirts of the Wisconsin Dells. I wasn't afraid. I mean, we had Kevin with, and since he was such a pussy, I assumed that he had learned how to fix cars to exert his masculinity in high school. And it was just a flat tire.
It seemed to be quiet. It was winter and the kids were gone. Bad Ass Bart and the waterslides were closed. It almost felt like a ghost town. I should have known that ghost towns were eery like the calm after a storm. But I didn't think anything of it yet. I just thought it was Wisconsin.
"Well shit," Erin said. "Now what are we going to do?"
"I can fix it. I just need a funnel and duct tape," Kevin looked over at Erin.
"A funnel? What the fuck is wrong with you?" I swore. NiNi gave me a stern look, but I didn't appologize. A funnel for a flat? The fear was increasing. It seems he settled for being a girly-boy in high school.
I leaned against the side of a van, drinking what was left of our organic grapefruit juice. That's when I saw him.
He was pretty tall and wearing a stocking cap. It was dark red. He looked tough for a Wisconsonian.
"Yo, bitches." I coughed at his greeting. "This is my turf, ya'll. Get yo' sorry asses off my road, dig?"
"What the fuck?" I stared at him.
"You heard me, bitch. Get back on whatevah' got yous here and get your piece a' shit car gone with yous."
"OK, look," Erin put her hands on her hips. "We have a flat tire, and I don't have time to fix your grammar. Just go to your little tool shed and get some little...tools... and make our van work. I'm sure our friend Mel will be happy to reward you. She has an "addiction" as they say."
"Erin!" I yelled, pissed.
He looked at her.
"Well, come on. Move!" She hollared into his face.
"Damn girl," he grinned beneath his stocking cap, "you've gots'ome spunk."
"Yes, I know," Erin ran a hand along the front of her khakis, smoothing a hint of wrinkle.
"Oh now this is just stupid. You cannot be a some tough hitting on...her."
"He just knows how wild I really am," Erin smiled.
"Whatever."
"Me-e-e-ow! Thems bitches gonna have a cat fight over me. Yeah baby."
"No..." I tried to clear the misunderstanding.
And then there were two. Another punk came out from behind a Western theme restaurant. "You must excuse my associate," he sniffed loudly. "But you see, the Dells have become a war zone in recent months."
"Oh my!" NiNi exclaimed.
"Christ," I responded.
"Many people do not realize," he sniffed again, "what turmoil exists in the Wisconsin Dells. I am Don William and this here is Homeboy WD."
"Yo, yo, yo!"
"Thank you Homeboy. Now if you would kindly fix these nice people's vehicle, I am sure they will be on their way."
"I don't believe this."
I looked at Kevin. Kevin looked at Erin. Erin looked at NiNi. NiNi said, "Oh, you nice young men! Let me get a picture to remember you by!"
