The Constitution

We the Ninjas, in order to form a more perfect union of Monkism, establish justice against tards and all forms of tardery, tardism, and tardishness, insure safety from intellectual bankruptcy, provide for common defense of education and awareness, promote the general welfare of non-tardish beings everywhere, and secure the blessings of Liberty from Idiocy and Evil, do ordain and establish this Constitution of Ninja Monkeys.

Article I: The Ninjas Are All-Powerful

Section 1: The Ninja Monkeys accept that they, and they alone, rule. They agree to act as authorities on all subjects, to fight against anyone who questions this authority, and to strive consistently toward telling it like it is.

Section 2: The Ninja Monkeys agree that they are a coalition built out on intelligence, education, and awareness, and that in coming together as said coalition each individual monkey is made a stronger and more effective weapon against tardery.

Section 3: The Ninja Monkeys shall be lead by a high-commander who will remain high commander only so long as she or he exhibits the following:
          a. Open mindedness
          b. Consideration
          c. Geniousity
          d. Rationality
          The high commander must be willing to consider all propositions by all Ninja Monkeys, must have the tenacity of mind to rule them either brilliance or bunk, and must have the courage to point out a fellow Ninja in the wrong.

Section 4: The high commander shall be supported by a head counsel, a vice commander, spiritual guide and the sum total of Ninja Monkey deputies. These Ninjas are expected to show the same open mindedness, consideration, geniousity and rationality when dealing with one another, and to accept the rulings of the high commander as being in the best interest of all Ninjas concerned.

Section 5: Conference of the privileges and responsibilities of any position (i.e. High Commander, Head Counsel, etc...) must occur by unanimous agreement on the part of all other Ninja Monkeys.

Article II: No pussies.

Section 1: The Ninja Monkeys shall not tolerate the existence of pussies among its ranks, or in the general populous. Evidence of pussery will be cause for immediate termination of all Ninja rights and privileges or (in the case of non-Ninjas) termination of life.

Section 2: Pussery can be defined as
          a. Behaving in a cowardly manner, i.e. running from a fight, cowering in fear, turning one's head away from a beat-down.
          b. Inability to accept how it is, i.e. becoming angry when rightly criticized, denying responsibility for stupidity and/or mistakes, shying away from blunt and truthful declarations.
          c. Political correctness or squeamishness at honesty (similar to being unable to accept how it is), i.e. insisting on using terms like 'mentally challenged' or 'bipedally challenged' rather than telling it like it is and saying 'retarded' or 'crippled' or pretending that something (a cake, a short story, a song) does not suck when clearly it does.

Article III: Addition of New Ninjas

Section 1: New Ninjas must be approved by a unanimous vote on the part of all existing Ninja Monkeys.
Section 2: In order to be considered as a new Ninja, the nominee must have five (5) pre-existing Ninja sponsors.
Section 3: At least one (1) of the nominee's sponsors must hold a high ranking position (i.e. high commander, head counsel, vice commander or spiritual guide) within the Ninja Monkeys.
Section 4: The new Ninja must demonstrate the following:
          a. Open mindedness, consideration, geniousity and rationality
          b. Strength and dexterity in physical combat
          c. Strength and dexterity in intellectual combat
          d. Fashion sense
          e. Linguistic prowess
           f. Excellent taste in music, food, film, and literature.
          g. Education and awareness.
          h. Loyalty
          i. Good grammar and spelling.
          j. The sexiness of a badass mofo.

Article IV: Revocation of Membership

Section 1: The Ninja Monkeys accept that in spite of the thoroughness of the nomination process, it is possible that an inadequate nominee may be admitted into the ranks, or, alternately, that an existing Ninja may over time all below Monkish standards.
          In the case that a nominee is revealed to be inadequate prior to involvement in any Ninja missions, said individual will be released from the Ninja ranks and allowed to return to his or her mundane life with the shameful knowledge that he or she could not cut it as a Ninja.
          In the case that a nominee is revealed to be inadequate after involvement in a Ninja mission (which would necessitate revelation of certain Monkey secrets, including but not limited to the exact locations of the Ninja Monkey Fort, Ninja Monkey Lab, and Ninja Monkey Research Center but before evidence of their trustworthiness and honorability as a Ninja, said individual will be terminated on the spot.
          In the case that an existing Ninja Monkey in Good Standing begins to show signs of inadequacy, the Ninja Monkeys will hold a forum in the Ninja Monkey Fort which will last for 48 hours exactly and attendance at which will be mandatory for all Ninjas. During this 48 hour meeting, Ninjas will be invited to present arguments for or against revocation of membership. The last 2 hours will be devoted to the Ninja whose membership is in question, during which time the Ninja will be asked to present the sum total of his or her reasons against revocation*. If after 48 hours there is a consensus for continued membership, the Ninja in question will be installed into a probationary period that shall last thirty (30) days and during which time he or she will be required to prove adequacy. If after this thirty day period the Ninja has not proven him or herself, or if the 48 hour meeting results in a consensus against continued membership, the Ninja in Good Standing will be asked to leave immediately for the Isle of Lost Ninjas, a secret location in the South Pacific where said loyal Ninja will be able to interact with other former Ninjas, safely insulated from the tardery of the world.

Section 2: Questionable loyalty in the ranks. Loyalty to the Ninja Monkey organization is of utmost importance, and thus disloyalty is grounds for execution.
          In the case that a Ninja Monkey in Questionable or Poor Standing is showing signs of further inadequacy, a 72 hour forum must be held immediately to decide upon the quality of this Ninja's loyalty.
          If the Ninja is found to be a disloyal risk to the security of the coalition, or to be a potential convert to D or B Peoplism he or she must be terminated on the spot.
          If the Ninja is found to be in Questionable or Poor Standing, yet poses no risk to the security of the organization, he or she will be removed from the Ninja ranks and returned to the tard-world to live out his or her days.

Section 3: If a Ninja desires to leave the Ninja Monkeys of his or her own accord, and emergency forum must be held to determine truth in his or her reasons.
          This forum will last as long as necessary.
          At this forum, the Ninja who desires to leave must present valid and indisputable reasons for desiring to leave, i.e. loss of a limb, sudden mental retardation, extreme clinical depression.
          If the Ninja cannot show good reason for wishing to leave the Ninja Monkeys he or she will be considered a threat to the sanctity of the group and will be put under immediate 24-hour surveillance. The Ninjas will reconvene after a period of fifteen (15) days to recommence discussion of this Ninja's fate.
          If the Ninja in question is decidedly not a threat to the rest of the Ninjas, his or her case for cessation of involvement with the Ninja Monkeys will be reopened and another forum will be held.
          If the Ninja in question is revealed to be a threat, especially in the case that he or she is planning on joining the D or B-People, he or she will be terminated on the spot.

Section 4: If a Ninja secretly deserts the ranks of Ninja Monkism he or she is placed at the top of the Public Enemy list and is to be immediately hunted down and terminated on site.

Article V: Amendments to the Constitution

Section 1: Amendments to the Constitution of Ninja Monkeys shall be allowed only upon a unanimous decision on the part of each and every Ninja Monkey that said Amendment is necessary and just.

Section 2: Any amendment that gains approval shall be written by the Monkey who proposed it and subject to review by the High Commander, Vice Commander, and Head Counsel. The Amendment shall be rewritten as many times as required to get it right.

Article VI: The Ninja Code of Honor

Section 1: All Ninjas agree to abide for all times, whether membership in the coalition continues, is revoked, or is voluntarily given up, by all tenets of the Ninja Code of Honor. Failure to abide by these tenets will result in revocation of membership and/or termination.

Article VII: Ratification of the Constitution

Section 1: Ratification of the Constitution will occur by unanimous agreement of the Ninja Monkeys. Ninja Monkeys will exhibit agreement via signature below.

Section 2: In order that the Constitution continues as ratified, each new Ninja must add his or her signature to the existing signatures below.

Section 3: Signatures are as follow: