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| 7 REASONS WHY WOMEN TAKE LONGER IN THE TOILET THAN MEN On average women wear more clothes than men and these must be removed and put back on. Men only have to pop out of a zip. Womens bladders are larger than mens so it takes longer for them to empty it. Women have to deal with a messy monthly business which involves rummaging around in their handbags and then trying to unravel incredibly firmly sealed plastic wrappings found on sanitary items. Graffiti found on toilet walls is riveting. It must be read and then added to with lipstick or eye liner pencil. Women use more toilet roll than men. This always gets stuck in the machine and time is wasted getting sufficient quantities out. After a hard days slog carrying the shopping and listening to nagging kids, women like to sit on the toilet for a rest and some peace and quiet. Women always take a friend in with them, so in fact, the time taken is for two women to pee, not one. |
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| A woman in her late 40's went to the doctor for a face lift. The doctor told her of a new procedure called "The Knob". This small knob is implanted into the back of the womans head and can be turned to tighten the skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift forever. Naturally, the woman wanted "The Knob" and went ahead with the operation. Fifteen years later, the woman went back to the surgeon for a consultation. "All these years everything had been working just fine, " she told the surgeon. "I've had to turn the knob on several occassions and I've loved the results, but now i've developed two annoying problems. First of all, I've got these terrible bags under my eyes and the know won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her and said, "Those aren't bags, they are your breasts!" She looked at the doctor and replied, "Well, that explains the goatee!" |
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| THIS IS A SPECIALLY FORMULATED DIET DESIGNED TO HELP WOMEN COPE WITH THE STRESS THAT BUILDS DURING THE DAY. BREAKFAST 1 GRAPEFRUIT 1 SLICE WHOLE-WHEAT TOAST 1 CUP SKIMMED MILK LUNCH 1 SMALL PORTION LEAN, STEAMED CHICKEN WITH A CUP OF SPINACH 1 CUP HERBAL TEA 1 FERRERO ROCHER AFTERNOON TEA THE REST OF THE FERRERO ROCHER'S 1 TUB HAGAN-DAAZ ICE CREAM WITH CHOCOLATE CHIP TOPPING DINNER 4 GLASSES WINE (RED OR WHITE) 2 LOAVES OF GARLIC BREAD 1 FAMILY SIZE SUPREME PIZZA 3 SNICKERS BARS LATE NIGHT SNACK 1 WHOLE SARA LEE CHEESE CAKE (EATEN DIRECTLY FROM THE FREEZER) REMEMBER - "STRESSED" SPELLED BACKWARD IS "DESSERTS"......YEEEESSSSS!!!!!!! |
| IF MEN GOT PREGNANT... 1.. MORNING SICKNESS WOULD RANK AS THE NATION'S NO. 1 HEALTH PROBLEM 2.. MATERNITY LEAVE WOULD LAST 2 YEARS WITH FULL PAY 3.. CHILDREN WOULD BE KEPT IN HOSPITAL UNTIL TOILET TRAINED 4.. NATURAL CHILDBIRTH WOULD BECOME OBSOLETE 5.. ALL METHODS OF BIRTH CONTROL WOULD BECOME 100% EFFECTIVE 6.. MEN WOULD BE EAGER TO TALK ABOUT COMMITMENT 7.. THERE WOULD BE A CURE FOR STRETCH MARKS 8.. THEY WOULD SERVE BEER INSTEAD OF COFFEE AND TEA AT ANTENATAL CLASSES 9.. MEN WOULDN'T THINK TWINS WERE SO CUTE 10.. SONS WOULD HAVE TO COME HOME FROM DATES BY 9PM |
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