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From: Mark & The Mighty Spazmataz
Date: Wed 09 Sep 1998 - 05:59:15 IST
Dear Bandito Jeb (plus Bandito John and the rest of the Enlightened
Degenerates):
Thank you for your delightful letter, Jeb. Using its content as evidence,
I can tell that you're quite tapped in the head. Excellent!
As to the Bandito Bootleg Situation, I feel that I must put the record
straight as of tonight. I committed a "My-Bad" yesterday morning in a letter
to the genial Bandito John, the Cobbler of this list. Regarding my offer, and
the test weather-balloon figure of $20-30, John sent me a letter questioning
the "steepness" of my estimation. I read this letter and wrote a return (both
contained below) in the throes of a Holiday Weekend Hangover. One shouldn't do
this; it's generally unwise to try to be expressive while engulfed in
Post-Boozy Crabbishness.
Point being, I think that I seemed in my reply (upon reading it several
hours and a juicy nap later) as being, in complete honesty, quite the
shithead. Reflecting on the words that I sent through cyberspace, I realized
that they probably appear harsher than I actually was intending when I wrote
them. And for that, I apologize to John.
Even so, I do think that I at least partially explain why I threw up that
monetary estimate in my letter to John. It was a throw-away figure based on my
experience (as explained) and the vision I was having at the time of the
bootleg I would want to make and the fact that I, myself, wouldn't blink at
paying such a price for this work of outstanding imagination and personal
appreciation. I mean, after all, many people these days pay $20-30 for
hardcover books that are often forgettable and disposable at best; even Tom
Clancy's latest, for example, which costs many dineros, is nowhere near as
worthwhile as C.B. Certainly not a life-time "keeper." And when you think
about it, people routinely pay thousands of dollars for dumb-ass works of art
that don't actually mean anything to them and do nothing but gather dust on
walls.
All this will hopefully make more sense when you read my letter to
John...
What I realized, though, upon reflection later, was that in my fuzzy
hangoverness, I got a tad cranky-ass reading John's letter for two reasons
that I didn't realize at the time: 1) A perception that he was intimating that
I'm a price-gouging profiteer (which he probably wasn't); and 2) Woozy
indignance at the idea someone might not think that "Cosmic Banditos" is worth
$20-30 (which, all things considered, I'm sure he DOES, actually, given the
fact that he took the time to make this list). That in particular brought out
Mr. Pissy Hangover Boy, which I again apologize for. Sadly, in my odd,
irrational, peculiar Worldview, even the faintest SUGGESTION that "Cosmic
Banditos" isn't worth two or three dozen dollars--no matter what the
format--is heresy, and I'm apt to "pull a Drunken Robert," as one of my
Bandito Buddies calls it. (The converted of course know that a Drunken Robert
can lead to destroyed hotels, whores being thrown off of balconies, etc.)
Okay. Now, as to me making contraband copies of C.B., there's this:
Before I read John's return letter, I had no idea that he had intentions to
"provide" photo-copies of the novel himself. (Or atleast I assume he intends
to, given the substance of his letter; and jolly good if he does--the more
Banditos the better). My idea to make and sell copies was a sudden fit of
inspiration with my own standards in mind, completely without the duh!
realization that maybe OTHERS had thought of making copies of C.B. before me.
Which, now, with a little clearer-headed thought about the matter, is a GIANT,
BIG-ASS DUH! Call me Dr. Von Uphill-Molasses....
I'd prefer to leave the project to John, actually, but if there's enough
interest in a spiffier bootleg of C.B., I'll do it. What I didn't make clear
in my two letters was that I was thinking of chopping off the binding of one
of my two original editions in order to make the copies -- effectively killing
the damn thing, something I would only do for folks that would really
appreciate the sacrifice. And I was figuring that if I DID mangle one of my
beloved books for the purpose of copying it, I should respectfully make UPTOWN
copies, see? And as I explain in my previous letter to John, in my estimate of
the cost I was vaguely referencing my experience in writing business plans,
where copies ranged from $20-40. (And let me tell you all, C.B. is MUCH more
interesting and entertaining than even the most thrilling business plan ever
concocted by the mind of Man...)
So, the deal in summary is this : I apologize to Bandito John for my case
of crabbishness, I gather that he's already broached to the list the situation
regarding his offer of no-frills bootlegs, and I'll go ahead with exploring
the option of Swanky Copies IF there's a desire for them. Otherwise, John will
do the honors, and I get to keep my second original edition under it's glass
case with the NSA-sanctioned laser security system.
Be well, all. Reap the peace!
Transmission over,
Mark & The Mighty Spazmataz
- - - -
Bandito John...
Perhaps I purchased the Director's Cut edition of the novel, as my copies
both clock in at 193 pages, not 95 as you stated. This computes on my large-
button desk calculator into 48.25 copier pages, if done two-page per side,
double-sided, as you described.
Please understand two things: First, I'm not remotely interested in
being in copyright-busting low-cost/high-cost sales competition with you or
anyone else as far as providing Xerox copies of the novel goes; I'd rather not
mangle the book and go to the trouble of making copies, truth be told, and
profit wasn't and isn't my motive. Secondly, I wrote the letter to you right
after making my decision, with no real calculations as to the probable cost. I
threw up a guesstimate of $20-30 based on the vision I was having of the Xerox
copy I would want to buy of this novel if I didn't have one of the originals.
In the vision I had, given my high esteem for this novel, I was seeing a
deservedly really nice, lovingly-packaged copy like the swanky, quite
professional business plans I used to co-write: one-page per side, color
reproduction of the novel's front cover, spiral-bound, protective plastic
covers. Those fuckers used to run my partner and I about $20-40 per copy.
What I WASN'T envisioning was the cheapest, most cramped and truncated
possible means of copying the book. I guess my warped Worldview ascribes Ritz
Carlton-style treatment to this novel, as opposed to Motel 6-style treatment,
and all things considered, I myself would be glad to fork over $20-30 for a
classy--if illegal--copy of the book. In a way, I already have, as I
described in my previous letter; I happilly parted with a twenty for the beat-
up copy I found on the streets of New York four or five years ago, and I was a
very poor college student at the time. My perspective was that money becomes
irrelevant somewhere when it comes to something that provides me so much
entertainment.
Perhaps I'm the only person who WOULD want a nice copy or think that it
was worth it to pony up two or three ten-spots for it. If you think about it,
a fine bottle of aged Scotch costs a pretty penny, and yet you can only drink
THAT once. Does that make any sense?
In any case, please feel free to provide anyone who asks for it one of
your cheap-as-possible copies. As I've said a couple times, I would rather not
punish my original edition. In fact, I started having regrets about my offer
minutes after I sent the letter to you.
I hope you're having a jolly good holiday weekend. Be well, Bandito
Warrior!
Sincerely,
Mark & The Mighty Spazmataz
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