warnings: abuse of HP characters, "Hints of Slash," costume party, punning of all ratings
Day 38, Friday
The day goes by slowly enough - Draco Malfoy makes an appearance at lunch. With a kleenex box. And a towel wrapped around his shoulders. In addition to the robes.
Draco: I... suppose I was a bit hasty .. about the death... (sniffles for good measure)
Dumbledore: That's good news - we can forgive you...
Snape: You can have your products back.
Tonks: hahah - I only heard about the ice cream
Draco(sideways glance at Snape's head): You.. eh....(cough) didn't use them, by any chance?
Snape(declaration of finality): ... Draco.. I am not using hair care products.
Draco(pouts): ... I'll have them back then.
Voldemort: Did you hear, Draco? We're having a costume party tonight. I'm betting Albus will have to go as Marilyn Monroe. (no one gets the joke) ...We'll see then...
After dinner, Big Brother makes an announcement.
BigBrother: ATTENTION, HOUSEMATES! You are to report to the bathrooms and change. Your costumes with your names are there already.
Black: I think Big Brother is a real hypocrite - they're always telling us not to use magic, but how do they work these things behind our backs???
BigBrother: Do not question the ways of Big Brother, Mr. Black. In the living room you will notice our special Big Brother Fruit Punch. A prize will be given to the lucky winner who can name all the muggle alcohols it contains.
Black: Ah, that's better.
Tonks: uh oh..
(Dumbledore grins)
BigBrother: Stop wasting time! GO CHANGE! That is all.
Soon the housemates have changed and assembled back in the living room, where they find not only a gigantic punch bowl full of some bright pink substance, but also chips, dips, vegetables and other such party foods. But the immediate time is spent laughing at each other's costumes-
Black: HAhahah - what are you?!
(Tonks is outfitted in some outrageous bell-shaped, red plastic material that has toys attached all over- little rocking horses, dolls, chess pieces, mini catapults, jacks, marbles, cards, dice..)
Tonks: I'm "A Kid in a Toy Shop" but it's hard to move around in this thing - I don't know how I'm going to sit. (she walks to the vegetables, drops a card as she brushes by sofa) What about you?
Black(dressed all in black, with little rectangular boxes hanging off by white strings): I'm a "Cereal Killer..."
Tonks: I thought you were an upside down puppet for a minute!
Lupin: Big Brother has a bad sense of humor. (he is sitting on the sofa, arms crossed- dressed in flowing faded orange robes, with what looks to be a green lace doily and an abnormally tall brown fez on his head)
Tonks: What ARE you, Remus?
Lupin: "Someone Who Can't Afford a Decent Pumpkin Costume" - Unquote!
Black: ahaha- (catches himself when he sees Lupin's disapproving smirk)
Voldemort(enters, dragging Snape along behind): Should have been Tweedledee and Tweedledum.. (he stops in the doorway.)
Dumbledore(twinkling): What are you, Tom?
Voldemort(trying to muster dignity): Little Boy Blue. (he has blue tights on his skinny legs - a blue frock, black buckled shoes, a blue top hat, etc - AND a sheep staff!) And you, Albus?
(Dumbledore is dressed in long flowing black robes and a big face mask that covers his beard and hair)
Dumbledore: I'm you.
Voldemort: WHAT?!
(Dumbledore chuckles, and hands him the card that came in his costume package.)
Voldemort: Well, I'll be. You are! It says "Lord Voldemort." (stands back and gives him the critical eye) I must say, Albus, you cut a very bad figure - you must be three times as wide as I am!!
Dumbledore(shrugs): Not everyone has time for world domination and healthy eating.
Voldemort: All those lemon drops- (senses he's missing something) Where is Severus?? Draco??
(Draco sweeps in - in elegant black robes to the floor and a black hood. A crow sits on his shoulder and in one hand he carries a shiny scythe.. and.. in the other.. a kleenex box.)
Draco: I had to get tissues. (sniffles)
Black: What are you - a death eater?!
Draco(the drawl is more nasal because of the cold): The Grim Reaper.
Voldemort: Ah, excellent. I approve.
Tonks: Is that a real bird?
Draco: Yes. (he shrugs his shoulder - the crow flies off and lands on the rim of the punch bowl, begins sipping at its contents)
Dumbledore: Where is Severus?
Draco: I haven't seen him. (sits in an arm chair)
(Voldemort storms out - returns presently with Snape, who is wearing a long, lace-trimmed purple dress with a vulture hat and a clumsy-looking red handbag on his arm. Lupin falls back into sofa - composure GONE)
Lupin: AHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! (hand to mouth, as if that will stop the laughter. The others watch in incredulous amusement, although Dumbledore's eyes are no doubt twinkling under the mask)
Voldemort: Severus, what are you supposed to be - a member of the red hat club??
Snape: ....!!! (glares murderously at Lupin, who has buried his face in a pillow in an attempt to stop laughing)
Draco: Ohh! I know! You're Neville Longbottom's Grandmother, aren't you!? (adds conversationally) I'm rather sorry I missed that class, even if it would have meant having another lesson with Gryffindor.
Tonks: "class?" What?!
Snape: Lupin, if you're attempting death by asphyxiation, you'd better stop.. You won't get off so easily...
Lupin: (only laughs harder)
Snape: So! (seizes a stalk of celery off tray; it makes a threatening crunch when he crushes it between his teeth.)
Dumbledore: Now we're all here. What are we supposed to do?
Black(grinning): I'd like to hear this story about Snape's costume, actually...
Draco: Well-
Snape: SILENCE.
Draco(sniffles indignantly): I meant I would like a glass of punch.
Tonks: so - eh, does anyone want to play jacks? I'm scared they'll poke me if I sit..
Dumbledore: Perhaps later.
(Black makes himself a glass of fruit punch; Draco's crow flies back to his shoulder at the disturbance)
Black: All right, let's taste this! (takes a swig, nearly spits it back up) Whoa.. hah - not sure I want to know what's in there..
(Lupin emerges from behind the pillow, red-faced and teary-eyed.. He brushes his hair out of his face; the fez is crooked.)
Lupin: ahh heheh - purple.. really is much better than the green, Severus-
Snape: (bites into his celery ferociously)
Dumbledore: I think I'll try some of the fruit punch too. (gets himself a glass; sips) Hm.. not bad..
Soon they're all drinking, eating, telling tales of costume woes -
Black(indicating a box of Cheerios): At least we'll have something for breakfast tomorrow, even if Snape kills Remus.
Tonks(tries one of the catapults on her costume - a marble flies into the onion dip) AHahah!
Black: Who's had a bit too much alcohol this time?
Tonks: ahh, quiet - maybe I'll step upstairs and freshen up.. (stumbles out of room, dropping cards and marbles as she bumps into the wall)
Dumbledore: Who's up for a game of tiddlywinks?
Snape: Not drunk yet, Albus.
Voldemort: Well said, Severus.
Black(swallows yet another sip of punch): hhhmmmmmmmmmmmm... RUM! We've got rum-
Lupin: We've had rum!
Voldemort: Yes, thank you, Mr. Black.
Black: I'm working on it - (takes another sip)
Draco: it's working on you. (leans head into arm chair side; closes eyes) I'm tired..
Two hours later-
Draco is asleep in the arm chair, the crow perched on top of the chair. Snape sits sullenly in a chair he's brought from the kitchen. Tonks, Lupin, and Sirius are in a row on the sofa. Sirius now opens a box of miniwheats on his left arm, begins munching. Lupin's face is brighter than his robes -
Lupin: Are we out of wheat thins?
Black: hahahah- you should have been drinking with me all this time, Moony - you haven't built up any alcohol tolerance, have you?
Lupin(reaches shakily for crackers): I'm fine.. just... hungry...
Tonks: Hahah- look at these two- still going-
(Dumbledore and Voldemort have been silent for the past 15 minutes, engaged in a serious staring contest. Dumbledore has removed the mask for the occassion. Finally Voldemort speaks.)
Voldemort: Come now, Albus - you know I'm better at keeping a straight face than you...
Dumbledore: Ahh, trying to distract me, Tom..... won't work...
(Enter Bertie; she has a pair of mouse ears attached to her head - she spots the crow on Draco's chair)
Tonks: uh oh - the cat! (points)
Lupin(loudly): shhh! don't want to distract those two
Black: hahah
(Bertie crouches to the floor, and stalks towards her prey - when she gets close enough to the chair, she pounces - first jumps on Draco then up to the bird-)
Draco: WAHGHHh!!!
Crow: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH! (swoops between Voldemort and Dumbledore - lands on the punch bowl rim again - the cat gives chase, pouncing on the table and upsetting the foods; her mouse ears fall off into the punch bowl)
Dumbledore: DAMN!
Voldemort(jumps from his seat): YOU WERE GOING TO LOSE ANYWAY!
Draco: WHAT! (grabs scythe defensively)
Crow: RAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Snape: ENOUGH! (storms out of room)
Black : HAHAHAHHA! good - least they got rid of Snivellus!
(the crow lands on the back of the sofa - Bertie chases frantically, leaving onion dip footprints along Lupin)
Lupin: Aheyyy!
Tonks: Hah - oh you poor devil - now you're a spotted pumpkin!
(the crow flies back to Draco)
Draco: DOWN, CAT!
Voldemort: BERTRUM!!!!! (the cat cowers, looks guiltily towards Voldemort)
Lupin: I guess I'll..ah ....wash this off (stands - wavers - hands out.. finally finds balance) Ok.. going.. to clean up.. (weaves out of room)
Voldemort: Bertrum, come here! (cat sulks over to him; he picks her up, then sits again) No eating birds just now. Afterwards.
Dumbledore: We need a rematch, Tom..
Voldemort: yes - afterwards also..
Draco(offended): I was sleeping, you know.
Black: You shouldn't be sleeping here-
Draco(whines): yes, but I'm too tired to go upstairs..
Speaking of upstairs -
Lupin has made it to the top of the staircase; he's been lucky enough to follow the trail of cards, jacks, and marbles that Tonks dropped earlier. Snape sticks his head out of Bedroom Number Two-
Lupin: hahah - the hat!
Snape: Damn it. (throws hat to floor)
Lupin: I suppose now.. wouldn't be a good time to ask for that book back...?
Snape(approaches threateningly): You dare ask me for it back after all this...? Do you plan to read it? or use it as an arm rest?
Lupin(looks down guiltily and to avoid laughing at the costume): read..
Snape: You're not going to be drooling on it?
Lupin: no.. (steps back --his heel lands on a free-roaming marble and he slips - falls toward stairs, waving arms-) AGH!
Snape(lunges forward, grabs him in a bear hug and pulls him back to safety): Stupid idiot! -are you trying to get yourself killed?
Lupin(wide-eyed,clutching Snape for dear life): Apparently! what -agh - what did I step on?!!
Snape: Tonks...lost a marble.
Lupin: oh.. dizzy enough! - don't need to fall down the stairs too!
Snape: We have enough invalids in this house already. ....(more of a threat) You can navigate the second floor now without further incident..?
Lupin: yeah... thanks..
Snape: (agitated grumble, stalks back into the room)
Back downstairs:
Black(clenched teeth): this...... shouldn't .. be... this difficult...
Voldemort: I know better than to arm wrestle with Albus Dumbledore.
(Black and Dumbledore are kneeling next to the coffee table - they've cleared away some of the food mess and are now arm wrestling.. it's pretty even, but Dumbledore is getting a slight edge)
Black: ....what!
Tonks(red-faced): I think everyone's had too much to drink..
Draco(enters room): Where's my ice cream?
Voldemort: Oh yes, I took the liberty of moving it, since it's rightfully mine now.
Draco: Excuse me? My will was revoked, since I'm not dead.
Tonks: Hahah!
Voldemort: But I have grown quite fond of them, Draco.
Draco(sniffles): I'm not opposed to you having one or two, but you can't hide them from me.
Voldemort: I don't think you should be giving me orders..
Black: DAMN!!
Dumbledore(mask back on): Concentration, Sirius...
Black: hard to concentrate with that Voldemort mask staring at me..!
Dumbledore(amusement in voice): It is a distracting face
Voldemort: oh go on- Draco, you shouldn't be eating sweets when you're sick anyway.
Draco: argh, I'll deal with this when I'm feeling better.. (storms out)
Tonks(to voldemort): You're in trouble now - the Malfoy ice cream sandwiches...
Voldemort: Party adjourned! (sweeps out)
Dumbledore: I don't suppose anyone else wants to play?
Black&Tonks: NO!!
Dumbledore(chuckles): Very well then.. change out of these costumes then..