warnings: abuse of HP characters, "Hints of Slash," postmodern architecture
Day 37, Thursday
Voldemort: Think we should do something about that stack of tires?
Dumbledore: .... won't they decompose on their own?
Voldemort: Albus... they're tires.
(The two are sitting on the wicker rocking chairs, sipping at their tea and enjoying the early morning sunrise.)
Dumbledore: If they won't go away on their own, we'll have to put them to some use..
Voldemort: Lawn art.
Dumbledore: Exactly what I was thinking....
Draco's cold seems to be worsening. He does wake up when the other three are stumbling about and getting ready.
Draco: ggmmmm...! (sounds of mucous)
Lupin: Well, he's alive!
Snape: Draco, your father would not appreciate it if you died just now.
Draco: I want to diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee...
Snape(feels his forehead): Not a fever.
Draco: (coughs in attempt to clear throat - coughs some more)
Snape(sighs): I don't have anything for you.
Lupin(has been rummaging around in suitcase, now joins Snape at bedside): I do. (presents Draco with a piece of chocolate) Here.
BigBrother: NO USING MAGIC, MR. LUPIN!!
Lupin(frowns, goes to suitcase, returns with new chocolate): Snickers?
Snape: Don't give him muggle food - are you trying to kill him?
Lupin: We've been eating muggle food all this time-
Snape(contemptuous look at chocolate): That - is not good for the sick.
Black: Now, now - no bickering, you two-
Draco(rolls over, buries self in covers): aghhhhmmm
Lupin: all right, sleep then. (walks off. Snape remains glaring, his fingers drumming compulsively against the side of the bed)
Draco: rrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Snape: Oh, quiet, Draco. (storms out)
Tonks heads down to the kitchen, and is surprised to find no one here yet.
Tonks(singing to self): don't stop me nowwwwwwwwwwww - i'm having such a good time - hmm.. where is everyone?? the tea kettle's been used.. Albus?? (looks in living room, no sign) Maybe he went to the back porch..
(At the back porch, Tonks finds a surprising sight - there is a gigantic, multi-sided, 7-foot tall edifice made completely of tires. It looks like a lopsided postmodern cathedral, complete with buttresses) What!? Where IS he? (goes back into house)
Meanwhile in the front yard-
Voldemort: Don't you think the "tower" is a bit ..flat?
Dumbledoer(adjusting a tire on top of a new creation): It's circular.
Voldemort: Yes, Albus, tires generally are. I was suggesting that you turn it sideways, so that it acquires more height.
Dumbledore: I prefer it this way.. it might be construed more as the base of a dome at such an angle..
Voldemort: It's not very striking..
Dumbledore(stands back to admire): I think it's grand.
Voldemort: I wonder if it's mobile.
Dumbledore: It will be if anyone tries to climb it.
(they chuckle)
Voldemort: I deem it "Understatement."
Dumbledore: Well done, let's go back in before it becomes too hot.
Midday, living room sofa.
Black: I'm bored.
Lupin: Me too.
Black: Where's your book?
Lupin(frowns): Snape took it away.
Black: Hah! What for?
Lupin(looks away guiltily): I fell asleep
Black(snickers): you insulted the honor of his book. it didn't keep you awake-
Lupin: well, Tonks was snoring in my ear-
Black: what - Tonks?
(Enter Snape, who stops when he sees them on His Sofa)
Snape: .....
Black: Good afternoon, Professor Snape!
Snape: I am beginning to wonder if living like muggles turns muggle superstition into fact..
(sits in the arm chair on Lupin's side; he does not look comfortable)
Lupin: Which superstition?
Snape: Germs.
Lupin(amused): Are you getting sick?
Snape(introspectively): ... perhaps I drank too much...
Black: Wait - what did you drink??!
BigBrother: ATTENTION, HOUSEMATES!
Lupin: What could that be?
BigBrother: It has been brought to our attention that you are "bored."
Black(eyes sparkling mischievously): Ah.. indeed!
BigBrother: So we will create a diversion for you. TOMORROW NIGHT-
Black: what! That doesn't do any good now!
BigBrother: You can begin worrying about it now.
(Lupin laughs)
BigBrother: THERE WILL BE A COSTUME PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT! WE will pick your costumes for you. That is all.
Black: ..................
Snape(hand to head): Must they yell every announcement??
Tonks(from kitchen): COSTUME PARTY! WHAT FUN!
Sun room:
Voldemort: Bertrum.... this bodes ill.
Bedroom Number Two:
Draco: rrrrrraghhh (cough cough cough)
Two hours later - Snape has persuaded Voldemort to visit the sick Draco "before he passes on." They are at his bedside now.
Voldemort: Draco.
Draco(rolls over, reveals a bloodshot eye from the mass of sheets): eghh?
Voldemort: Child, Professor Snape says you're dying.
Draco: ... asdf
Voldemort: You've been reduced to monosyllabic non-words.
Draco: (coughs a throaty, tubercular sort of cough)
Voldemort: I disapprove! this is very inconvenient. (turns to Snape) What do muggles do when they get sick? Isn't there a cure for this??
Snape: I thought you were the muggle expert.
Voldemort: I hope that was a compliment.
Snape: ....I hope so too.
Voldemort: .... (sharp long intake of breath) One of these days, Severus... Surely you have a BOOK on the subject?
Draco: (continues to cough) aghh - oh.... (cough) THE END!!
Voldemort: He speaks!
Draco: Prof--(cough cough) Snape-
Snape: Yes?
Draco: here (rummaging under covers as he hacks away - suddenly his hand appears clutching a bottle of shampoo).. aghhh - take it-
Snape: (blinks)
Draco: when I'm gone - (cough) (tries to clear throat, fails) have these- (produces another bottle) my dying (cough) bequest-
Snape: (holds the bottles dumbly)
Voldemort: Aren't I in the will, Draco?
Draco: you can have (coughs) ice cream... closet... (shaky intake of breath) diary room-
Voldemort: Oh, that's where you've hidden it! hah - the werewolf didn't think you'd hide it in your original spot, eh?
Draco(rolls over): farewell....... (cough)
Voldemort: Let's leave the dying in peace, Severus - and get an ice cream sandwich. Maybe it will cheer you up.
Snape: .. more than the hair care products...? difficult..
(exeunt)
Dinner - now that there are only 7, well, 6 with Draco in bed, they fit comfortably around the table. Everyone is in generally high spirits, except Snape who seems more sullen than before.
Dumbledore: Has Draco eaten anything today?
Lupin: I tried to feed him, but Severus suggested it wouldn't do any good.
Snape: Not muggle junk food.
Voldemort: I wonder if he's still with us..
Tonks: I don't think he's dying! He just wants attention! By the way - I thought some terrible fate had befallen you this morning, Albus.. where were you?
Dumbledore: Tom and I were outside.
Tonks: I looked!
Voldemort: Ah, the wave of the future - postmodern tire lawn art.
Tonks(twitches; jumps up from table, runs out of room; they can hear her yell from near the living room) AHHHHHHHHHHHH! THERE'S ONE IN THE FRONT YARD TOO!!
Dumbledore: Perhaps we should rethink "Understatement" and turn it into a Malfoy Memorial?
Voldemort: Splendid idea, Albus.