blog
Warnings: abuse of HP characters, "Hints of Slash"
Day 36, Wednesday Eviction Day
Draco is indeed ill, and decides to sleep in this morning, cold showers be damned. He doesn't even wake up when Lupin, Black, and Snape leave. Snape only glances behind and notices that Draco is still in bed. When he catches up the other two are already in the bathroom-
Lupin: DON'T COME IN SEVERUS-
Snape(freezes in doorway): .... I hope I'm not disturbing anything...
Lupin: It's another prank attack
Black: Did you know about it, Snivellus - hanging behind for a reason today?
Snape: I happened to notice that Malfoy was still in bed. If you were equally observant, you probably would not be suspended in the shower stall by duct tape.
(Black and Lupin have walked right into two thick walls of sticky tape in the shower doorways. thus they are stuck, backs facing Snape - still with towels, this is a PG13 fic)
Black: yeah,, well... its a.. er. sticky situation?
Lupin: too early for puns, Sirius- Severus.. you wouldn't.... help us by any chance?
Snape: ..... I'm not sure I could bring myself to it. That would require touching one or both of you.
Black(to Lupin): Yeah, forget that plan.
Snape: I assume they're all like this?
Lupin: we could all plan the counterattack if you helped us down... we're all colleagues now, right?
Snape(cold, deliberate): ...This reminds me of the day you left me and Black handcuffed to the bed...what.. what was your reasoning? To teach us a lesson....?
Black: YES and what a lesson that was! OVERKILL, Remus - not necessary in the least!
Lupin(chagrinned): and you know how terrible you felt stuck there for all those hours....
(Snape steps back, looking, deliberating. His eye twitches briefly, as if betraying inner struggle - but he is not going to play hero this morning. He turns smartly and stalks out.)
Lupin: ?
Black: Nice try. He left.
Lupin: Damn it. I hope Draco wakes up soon...
With Lupin missing, breakfast isn't ready on time - Black and Draco are also not present..
Hermione: uhm.... I like eggs, Tonks, but..
Dumbledore: Where is everyone today?
Tonks: Oh.. probably just hanging around..
Hermione: hahahah!
Voldemort: Does this have anything to do with the tape in the shower stalls?
Tonks: 11-7.
Snape(turns to Voldemort): ....You knew about that?
Voldemort: I went in this morning about 4:30 and all the doors were closed up. I used their shower.
Hermione: ew..
Snape(still interrogating): You didn't tell us.
Voldemort(eyes narrowed): So I didn't...
Dumbledore: Clearly it wasn't a problem to you, Severus..?
Snape: They went in first.
Hermione: You left them hanging there?
Voldemort: Of course.
BigBrother: ATTENTION HOUSEMATES! We would like to report an extremely tight rase - decided only at the last minute. But.... THIS WEEK'S EVICTION GOES TO HERMIONE GRANGER!
Hermione(pale): What?
(Voldemort casts triumphant glance at Dumbledore)
BigBrother: geeeeeeeeeeet packing!
Hermione: I can't even finish my breakfast! (storms away from table)
Tonks: aw - (follows)
(Dumbledore is left sitting with Snape and Voldemort. His eyes are not twinkling.)
Voldemort: Don't look so grave, Albus - we're just trying to even up the ranks a bit...
Dumbledore: ... I understand...
Upstairs Hermione and Tonks pack in record time, then make the proper vists. First Bedroom Number Two. Draco is still in bed, awake but unable to muster the energy to move. Enter Hermione
Draco: muuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..............
Hermione: Malfoy. Did you hear? I ... I got kicked out.
Draco: HAH-- agh (coughs) .. damn
Hermione: So I thought I'd return this, since I have no use for it. (holds up a bottle of hair gel)
Draco: What! - (cough)
Hermione: Stop coughing on me - don't you believe in the germ theory of disease??
Draco: shut up (snatches bottle away)
Hermione: I don't see why you left it on the living room sofa anyway. What a stupid place for gel!
Draco(sigh): ....that means Snape didn't see it
Hermione: WHAT
Draco(sniffles): old fool can't take a hint.
Hermione: Are you magnanimously giving hair products to Snape?
Draco: he needs them!
Hermione: I'm going!
Draco: good
Hermione: I leave the house when we were winning the great battle 11-7. (turns primly and exits)
Draco(rubbing forehead): ... eleven??
In the bathroom Tonks has already helped pull Black and Lupin down when Hermione joins them.
Hermione: I HAVE TO GO!
Black: I heard! terrible-
Lupin: I really thought they'd vote off Voldemort for once..
Hermione: No.. he has some evil empire out there. Well come down and see me off! (so they all go to the front door, the guys still in their towels and say goodbyes.)
Hermione: Tonks, you have to promise to keep fighting.
Tonks: We shall prevail - you'll be with me in spirit!
Black: Oh please - it's all over now...
Dumbledore: Goodbye, Hermione!
Hermione: BYE!! (hugs them and trots off)
Dumbledore: Ah.. Voldemort thinks he has "evened up the ranks" to 4-3... (smiles cunningly)
Black(frowns): He HAS! I'm taking that shower now, damn it. (storms off)
Later in the afternoon: sun room.
Voldemort is on his sofa, Bertie in his lap - Snape sits sullenly across from him.
Voldemort: Old Albus seems to think I was nearly voted off.
Snape: ...You were.
Voldemort(frowns): I suppose it wasn't Black who came so close to going...
Snape: Of course not.
Voldemort: Where is young Draco today? I haven't seen him all day.
Snape: Ill.
Voldemort: I know you can be a better conversationalist than this, Severus. Why are you moping today? Surely you are not pining at the loss of Miss Granger?
Snape: No.
Voldemort(waves hand dismissively): Oh, go make yourself useful and find Draco.
Random scene: Tonks in Bedroom Number One - which she has entirely to herself now
Tonks(dancing around, striking dramatic poses): weren't you the one who tried to crush me with goodbye - you think I'd crumble - you think I'd lay down and Die? Oh no not I! I WILL SURVIVE!!!
(Next door)
Draco:rgrggggggg!
Bedroom Number:
Tonks: OH NOW GO-
(Enter Snape, scowling)
Snape: WHAT is that caterwauling?!
Tonks(offended): I'm singing!
Snape: Stop it!
Tonks: my, you are in a foul mood today!
Snape: More reason for you to stop!
TheAuthor: I've never seen Snape use so many exclamation marks before!
Tonks: Just close the door when you leave!
Snape: (slams door) (!)
Bedroom Number Two
Draco: rgggg!!!
Snape: Draco. Get up.
Draco: (peers over side of bed) Professor Snape.... did you cook me something?
Snape: .... No. That seems to be Lupin's department. (scowls) Get up it's 3:30. The Dark Lord calls.
Draco: arggghhhh...
15 minutes later; Snape and Draco meet Voldemort in the sun room.
Voldemort: ah, good - we're all assembled; Now we can play a game of family tiddlywinks.
Draco: You... woke me up to play tiddlywinks????
Voldemort: I do not encourage sloth and dependency, Draco.
Draco(falls over into Snape, who sits glaring like a brick wall): I haaaaaaaaate tiddlywinks....(sniffles)
Random Scene:
Black: Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimon saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays......... talk like a house elf!
Tonks(hands on hips): WHAT!
Dumbledore(lounging in wicker rocking chair): You two really should find something to do....
After dinner, Lupin retires to the den, and continues reading the new book "Epic Thuringian Wizard Battles of the 17th Century." ("Why Thuringia, I'm going to find out.") Enter Tonks.
Tonks: Wotcher, Remus - what are you doing?
Lupin: just reading.
Tonks(plops down next to him): a real surprise, that!
Lupin: Apparently, the 30 Years War began NOT with the Defenestration of Prague, but on account of a rogue wizard by the name of Phillip Trockenbach-
Tonks: zzzzzzzzzzzzz (pretends to sleep, falls into Lupin, head on his shoulder)
Lupin: not a history fan?
Tonks: (eyes still shut) nope. .. always fell asleep in class..
(Lupin continues to read - or tries to, but Tonks is squishing his arm in; the book is crooked)
Lupin: so.. what were you going to do?
Tonks: zzzzzzzz...
Lupin: There's a pillow over there -
Tonks: You're pretty comfortable.
Lupin: Well here (takes her hand, puts half the book in it) you can hold that side open.
Tonks(chuckles, sigh): Ok, if the paper's not poisoned..
One hour later-
Tonks(head on his shoulder): zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......
Lupin(head on her head): zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......
Book: .................?
(Enter Snape, who pauses - observes half in amusement, half in disgust-)
Snape: Ahem..
(they both look up, startled)
Tonks: eh-?
Snape: This is a particularly interesting read, Lupin? (snatches book back)
Lupin: oh .. well, you know - I was tired.. suspended for an hour in tape -
Snape(goes around next to sofa): I was just getting into Black's liquor cabinet..
Tonks: I thought you were above drinking?
Snape: Just above getting drunk... (takes bottle of scotch, exits)
Lupin: I wasn't done with the book!
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Voldemort: spaced out space cadet, sbo5, aimee, crazy4tigger, lilsi, sb2, sonia, crazyshorty
Hermione: NT, ed giant racoon, Unwavering Mystic, VioletFemme19, lupinschic, plasma, snuffles, lupin lover, vampkitten,
Sirius: roseanne! HI, michelle, wacko, canadianvamp, nemesis