|
The 6th Grader
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class,
"Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and
said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going
to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then
fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which
body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's
mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to
get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class,
"Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said,
"The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil
of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary
and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
1) You have a dirty mind,
2) You didn't read your homework, and
3) One day you are going to be very, very disappointed."
Top|Home
The Perfect Husband
There are several men in the locker room of a private club
after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches
rings.
A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?" "Honey, It's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw
a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00"
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that
much..."
"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and
saw the 2004 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and
he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW
that we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000..."
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."
"What?" "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling
your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and
I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one
with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we
have that much in the bank to cover..."
"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000.
OK?"
"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye... I do too..."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his
hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:
"Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
Top|Home
sHOCKED pARROT
Jimmy received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was
fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.
Every other word was an expletive; those that weren't
expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird's
attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything
he could think of. Nothing worked.
He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the
bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot
in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking,
kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.
Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the
bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and
said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I
ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior".
Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude
and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued,
"May I ask what the Chicken did?"
Top|Home
BUMPY LANDING
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the
in-flight safety lecture and their other announcements a bit more
entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard and/or
reported:
* "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are
only 4 ways out of this airplane."
* As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big
fellas. WHOA!"
* After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms
in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take
care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like
that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
* "Weather at our destinations is 50 degrees with some
broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
* Thank you and remember, nobody loves you, or your money,
more than Southwest Airlines."
* "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the
event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."
* Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've
reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign.
I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all
of you for the rest of the flight."
* "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop
from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose
before assisting children or adults acting like children."
* "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
* "Last one off the plane must clean it."
* Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard
landing in Salt Lake City. The flight attendant came on the intercom and
said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to
tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, and it wasn't the pilot's fault, it
wasn't the flight attendant's fault. It was the asphalt!"
* Another flight attendants comment on a less than perfect
landing, "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us
to the terminal."
* After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight
attendant came on with, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats
until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt against the gate. And once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning
bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through
the wreckage to the terminal."
* Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement, "We'd
like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
* And from the pilot during his welcome message, "We are
pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight."
Top|Home
Bottom 50 Celebrity Sandwiches
* The Keith Richards: Smoked lungfish on a toasted
English muffin
* The Howard Stern: 1 cocktail weenie and 2 matzo balls
in fermented tuna fish pita
* The Michael Jackson: Flour-drenched pepper steak on
Emmanuel Lewis bialy, with Bubbles sauce
* The Ben Affleck: Dense slabs of yellow-flavored cheese
and iceberg lettuce on supermarket white bread
* Gwyneth Paltrow: Steamed chives and a Tic-Tac on
fat-free Saltines
* The Jim Carrey: Virginia baked ham and black forest
ham, served between two slices of maple cured ham, with ham sauce
* The Dan Quayle: Mongoloid cutlet on potatoe bread
* The Homeless Dude: Half a Chicken McNugget and a shoe
full of Wendy's chili served between a Big Mac bun and a chicken bone
* The Woody Allen: Egg foo "young" and kosher tongue,
served on a toasted plain bagel
* The Martha Stewart: Rosemary-marinated boar's anus,
charbroiled to perfection, on homemade nine-grain peasant waffles
* The Barbara Walters: Sun-dried pheasant jerky and
Revlon sauce on sourdough flatbread
* The O.J. Simpson: White meat and blood sausage on a
pan-seared Gucci glove
* The Bette Midler: Wind beneath my roadkill wings, on a
toasted saccharine challah
* The Mullah Omar: Mayonnaise-based gravel salad served
between two semi-decayed camel hooves
* The Dan Rather: Sumptuous Geritol cutlets, slathered
in tangy liberal mustard and wedged between two crusty slices of Alzheimer's
baguette
* The Britney Spears: Pepsi-glazed baby tuna on
statutory toast
* The Kathie Lee Gifford: Malaysian pre-teen laborer on
scallion pancake
* The Sally Struthers: Bison tartare on a glazed donut
* The Michael Jordan: Sliced hamlet with basketballs,
baseballs, and golf balls (seasonal), on Nike bread
* The Charleton Heston: Venison burger on white bread
with Moses sauce and side of buckshot
* The Tom Cruise: Glistening sausage, firmly wedged
between hard buns
* The Shannon Elizabeth: Beer-batter-fried American
tomcat pie, stuffed in a cheap thong with garnish
* The George Hamilton: Seared Naugahyde on toasted
pumpernickel with a cocoa butter coulis
* The John Malkovich: John Malkovich and John Malkovich
on John Malkovich with John Malkovich and John Malkovich
* The Jay Leno: Deep-fried headcheese wrapped in a
heavily buttered deep dish pizza crust
* The Richard Gere: Holier-than-thou Tofurky with
rainforest lotus blossoms and harmony sauce on I-do-movies-about-gettin'-pussy
bread
* The Melanie Griffith & Antonio Banderas: Silicone
injected pig lips on tobacco paella toast
* The Calista Flockhart: Laxative-soaked cotton balls on
transparently thin cucumber slices
* The Carson Daly: Bubbalicious loaf on lip-glossed
sticky buns
* John Travolta: Grilled space lizard on a $20,000 bun
* The Ron Jeremy: Foot-long kielbasa, comes in 1000s of
buns
* The Elizabeth Taylor: Open-faced mink filet on sponge
cake, smothered in cubic zirconium béarnaise
* The Leonardo DiCaprio: Weathered veal and puffer fish
on an oil-drenched croissant
* The Vanna White: Whipped toothpaste and
vanilla-flavored lard, gently ensconced in a delicate crepe
* The Jennifer Aniston: Friendly's fries with peach Pitt
gravy on the same tired old roll
* The Robert Downey, Jr.: Marinated psylocibin mushrooms
and methadone cheese on Spoon-cooked flatbread
* The Pam Anderson: Fried mayonnaise tart with a
silicone shell
* The Jerry Seinfeld: Observational gefilte chutney and
mullet-shaped mesh of sprouts, served in an acid-washed denim pita
* The Jackie Chan: Peking duck beaten to pulp and thrown
out window of moving truck, pan-friend soft "r's" wrapped in $100 bills
* The Alec Baldwin: Asshole ham, asshole cheese, asshole
lettuce on an asshole piece of bread
* The Eminem: Blanched crawdad and collard greens on
queer-bash foccacia
* The Angelina Jolie: Puckered squid in mammary sauce on
rice cakes
* The Frank Sinatra: Pureed martini olives on communion
wafers, garnished with bloody Chicklets
* The Jeff Bezos: A piece of moldy lettuce wrapped in a
fancy advertisement for a delicious, juicy corn beef sandwich
* The Wolfgang Puck: Sliced Spam and Velveeta, smothered
with Miracle Whip and nestled between two freshly toasted Berry-Berry
Pop-Tarts
* The George W Bush: Coca-cured armadillo wrapped in an
American flag tortilla
* The George Clooney: Beaver on rye
* The Kate Moss: Cottage cheese and ipecac syrup on rice
paper
* The Bea Arthur: Potted meat and mint jelly on Matzo
bread
* The J-Lo: No-fat chorizo with a bling-bling butter and
ass-crack soufflé: crust - grandé: (prepared by 12 chefs)
Top|Home
The HOPE of
the world has departed – a great century of ha ha’s over
Bob Hope is dead. He was America's dean of comedy and
one of the nation's most honored, beloved and enduring stars. He was 100
years old.
Hope died late Sunday of pneumonia, with his family at his bedside at his
home in Toluca Lake, Calif., according to a family spokesman.
Bob Hope made millions of people laugh. He raised millions of dollars for
charity, much of it in South Florida. He entertained and comforted millions
of men and women who went to war, and then their children who also went to
war.
No
better epitaph than that can be composed.
'The word 'legend' is misused in many cases," said Jack Drury, a Fort
Lauderdale advertising executive who was one of Hope's best friends. "But he
truly was a legend."
Born in England, Hope evolved into one of America's most cherished, most
honored of citizens and, in a curious way, a model American:
For more than 70 years, through a career that began in vaudeville and
eventually touched the Internet, he strutted as the all-American smart
aleck, the guy who would stick his ski-slope nose into everyone else's
business, who would crack wise under any circumstance and nearly always
without malice.
He
needled presidents and then played golf with them. He leered at show girls
and then sang sentimental duets with them. He poked fun at the military and
then stood on rolling aircraft carriers and in muddy trenches and for more
than half a century performed his own version of national service.
"I
know you'll enjoy the girls," he told soldiers during World War II. A pause.
"You remember girls." Another pause. "I just want you to see what you're
fighting for."
"The Stealth bomber," he told soldiers during the Persian Gulf War. "Big
deal. Flies in undetected, bombs and then flies away." Pause. "Hell, I've
been doing that all my life."
Funny line. Completely untrue. Hope was the most successful comedian and
comic actor of his generation. At various times, he was No. 1 on radio, in
film and on television.
He
appeared in 65 movies (including seven "Road" pictures with long-time buddy
Bing Crosby), thousands of stage performances, countless radio and
television programs.
"I've been on so many channels at the same time," Hope once said, "you can
flip the channels and watch my hairline recede."
For many years, Hope hosted an annual dinner in Miami-Dade County for the
National Parkinson Foundation. His appearances lured so many millions of
dollars that a street was named for him -- Bob Hope Road, near Jackson
Memorial Medical Center.
"He was always there when people needed him," Drury said. "He had a giving
heart."
Hope also wrote 12 books.
And he hosted the Academy Awards 16 times, acquiring some honorary awards
but chronically lamenting his inability to win an acting Oscar. Tens of
millions of people watched this, year after year, wondering how he would
poke fun at himself this time.
"I really had a sneaky idea they were going to give me an Oscar tonight,"
he announced one year, "because I saw one of them with a surprised look."
Another year: "Ladies and gentlemen, here we are once again to welcome the
Academy Awards, or as it's known at our house, Passover."
Yes, Bob Hope told jokes, most often topical observations on issues of the
day -- the soldier's sad lot, the economy, Washington: "Unless the boys in
Washington do something about inflation fast, the odds are two to one that
five will get you two. The dollar's been stretched so far, George Washington
now has a space between his teeth."
Hope's philosophy was deceptively simple.
"You can make people laugh anytime if you're talking about things they are
already thinking about," Hope said. "The straight lines are already in their
heads. And when you come up with a little twist that's funny, they'll laugh.
That's the whole trick."
Family representatives said Hope died at home in Toluca Lake, a Los Angeles
suburb. Though increasingly frail in recent years, he was not known to have
suffered from any particular disease until the recent bout with pneumonia.
He had not performed publicly since 1995, but his representatives kept the
tradition alive with an Internet page -- www.bobhope.com -- that offered his
books and videos for sale.
He and Dolores, his wife of 67 years, had four children and four
grandchildren. Information about memorial services was not immediately
available, but undoubtedly, many jokes will be told.
Hope was known for his encyclopedic memory of gags and for a sense of
timing and style so exquisite that it set a standard for nearly every comic
who followed: Johnny Carson, Bob Newhart, Ellen DeGeneres, Jerry Seinfeld,
the movie personas of Woody Allen and Steve Martin. You see and hear traces
of Bob Hope in all of them.
It
is an art, this timing, this nearly unconscious ability to emphasize just
the right word or syllable, to pause just the right number of beats before
nailing the punch line.
Hope mastered that art, and he embellished it with his expressive face and
often sly demeanor. His timing was so perfect, his patter so quick, that he
was known within show business as Rapid Robert.
Over the years, Hope relied heavily on his writers, the often unrecognized
geniuses who crafted a reported 85,000 pages of jokes. They filled 48 file
cabinet drawers that stood inside a walk-in bank vault in Hope's six-acre
estate in North Hollywood.
In
1991, already 87 years old, Hope was asked if he soon might liquidate this
treasury and just go fishing.
"No," Hope said, pausing for the perfect pulse of milliseconds. "Fish don't
laugh."
Another time, he recalled:
'I
was in this crowded elevator and this little old lady turned around and
stared in my face. 'Bob Hope,' she said. 'Say something cute.'
'So of course I said, 'Avocado.' It's pretty hard to say something cute
unless you have your cute writers right beside you."
But that was only part of the truth. He also had the Pentium 4 of comic
minds -- lightning fast, unerringly accurate.
During World War II, artillery shells once dropped perilously close to his
stage. An officer told him: "You'll do your show and then run for your
life."
Rapidly accessing his memory bank of jokes, Hope replied: "I've never done
it any other way."
Edited down to 528,000 "keepers," his collection of jokes -- and
entertainment memorabilia -- ended up in the Library of Congress, at the new
Bob Hope Gallery of American Entertainment, a permanent exhibition.
A
favorite target of Hope's humor was his own passion for golf, a passion so
intense that his six-acre estate featured a one-hole golf course in the back
yard.
It
was said that a visit by Hope to the Johnson Space Center and his habit of
carrying a golf club as a walking stick inspired astronaut Alan Shepard,
during a walk on the moon, to hit two golf balls with a makeshift club.
"I
enjoy playing golf with astronauts -- they teach me to count backwards,"
Hope wrote in one of his books, Bob Hope's Confessions of a Hooker: My
Lifelong Love Affair With Golf.
Always a line, always a gag.
Leslie Townes Hope was born on May 29, 1903, in Eltham, England, the son of
a stonemason and a Welsh concert singer. He adopted the nickname Bob because
it seemed better than the combination of his last and first names invented
by his young friends: "Hope-less."
His family eventually settled in Cleveland, where he grudgingly attended
school, treated anyone who would listen to the sweet soprano he inherited
from his mother and soon learned that he could delight friends and relatives
with his ready wit.
He
tried boxing but gave it up after realizing that he was in the ring mostly
because it was illuminated by a spotlight. He figured he could satisfy that
yearning on stage and, at worst, be pummeled only by tomatoes.
"I
feel better when I come off the stage than I do when I go on," he said many
years later. "When you're out there an hour and 15 minutes with people
laughing, it helps your whole body."
He
learned his craft the old-fashioned way -- on the vaudeville circuit. A
little soft shoe, a simple song. Some acting, a few jokes. Times were good,
times were bad.
For a while, he starved in Chicago, living in a cheap boarding house where
"the maid came in once a day to change the rats."
"I
had holes in my shoes," he recalled. "I was eating doughnuts and coffee, and
when I met a friend one day who bought me a luncheon featuring beefsteak, I
had forgotten whether you cut steak with a knife or drank it out of a
spoon."
Hope persevered and his situation improved. He made it to the famed RKO and
Orpheum vaudeville circuits and then to Broadway, where he was featured in
several revues.
More importantly, it was there that he met a young singer named Dolores
Reade. They married in 1934 and adopted four children and stayed together
until Hope died.
Immensely self-absorbed, he was not the ideal husband. Hope's theatrical
wanderlust kept him away from home so often that Dolores monogrammed their
towels "Hers" and "Whose," and he was said to have indulged in numerous
flings with other women.
But by Hollywood standards, by any standard, a 67-year marriage is worth
celebrating.
"It was really instant love between the two of us," Dolores Hope recently
recalled. "I was blessed and very grateful."
Though his theatrical instincts generally were sound, Hope was slow to
appear on radio, once saying it "would never amount to anything." When it
did, he jumped onto the frequencies and emerged as a major star and the
long-time voice of Bromo Seltzer and Pepsodent.
All of that led to the movies, where Hope was an immediate sensation
despite his rather unheroic visage. "My nose came on the screen before I
did, and it left after I left," he once said.
His film career began with an appearance in a revue called The Broadcast of
1938. Its major significance: It was the first time that he sang Thanks for
the Memory, the sentimental song that quickly became his signature tune.
"Thanks for the memory, of rainy afternoons, swingy Harlem tunes, and motor
trips and burning lips, and burning toast and prunes. How lovely it was."
Soon, Hope teamed with Crosby and actress Dorothy Lamour in The Road to
Singapore, the first of the "Road" movies.
It
was here that he sharpened his image as somehow simultaneously hip and vain,
brash and cowardly -- the impudent wiseguy you couldn't possibly hate.
Together, Hope and Crosby invented a new way of making movies -- with tongue
planted firmly in cheek.
"There you go," Hope told Crosby at one stop along The Road to Morocco,
"opening your big mouth and ruining the only good scene I have in the
picture."
Many successful movies and television programs followed. For 13 straight
years starting in 1941, Hope was one of the Top 10 box-office movie stars.
But he was best known for shows that attracted smaller, but even more
devoted, audiences -- men and women in uniform, far from home and in
terrible danger.
It
began in May 1941, seven months before America's entry into World War II,
when Hope and a group of Hollywood performers went to nearby March Field to
do a radio program for airmen stationed there.
Two years later, he brought a small USO troupe -- Frances Langford, Tony
Romano and Jack Pepper -- to Africa, Sicily and other combat areas.
Over the years, he visited and entertained soldiers and sailors during World
War II, the Korean War, the Berlin airlift, the Vietnam War, the Persian
Gulf War. Even during peacetime, Hope spent virtually every Christmas on the
road, with the troops.
Near the end of every one of those shows, he led the audience in a rendition
of Silent Night. He invariably closed with these words: "You have a great
year and hurry home. God bless you."
No
serviceman or servicewoman who ever saw one of these Bob Hope shows ever
forgot it.
Writer John Steinbeck once said: "It is impossible to see how he can do so
much, can cover so much ground, can work so hard and can be so effective.
There's a man. There really is a man."
Son Tony Hope: "We began to realize that our father simply could not be home
for Christmas."
Bob Hope: "I wouldn't have been able to look into the mirror, you know? I
had to go for those kids. I'd like to thank every kid in uniform for the
honor of working for him."
Later in life, that zeal contributed to some image problems. Hope remained
an apologist for the Vietnam War even after many other supporters expressed
reservations, and some bitterness leaked into his work.
"I
bring you great news from the land of liberty," he told U.S. soldiers in
Vietnam. "It's still there. I may have to cross a picket line to see it, but
it's still there.
"I
have great news for you guys. The country's behind you 50 percent."
He
also ran afoul of gay activists with his cracks about homosexuals, and
environmentalists criticized some of his real estate ventures. For a time,
Hope became unfashionable, unhip, but most Americans retained great
affection and enormous respect for him.
"He was a genuine patriot," biographer William Faith said.
Hope received the Congressional Gold Medal, the Medal of Freedom, a Medal of
the Arts, an honorary designation as a U.S. military veteran, 54 honorary
college degrees. The Navy named a ship for him; the Air Force, a jet
fighter.
In
1998, the British ambassador designated Hope a knight commander of the
British Empire -- an honorary knighthood -- on behalf of Queen Elizabeth II.
A
few years earlier, Hope appeared before the queen, and she made him an
Honorary Commander of the Order of the British Empire for his services to
British troops. He responded, of course, with a joke.
"Some of this stuff you're sending us now, like the Queen Mary and the
London bridge," he told the monarch of his native land, "it's not like you
lost a colony, it's like you found an attic."
The queen laughed.
How could she not?
Bob Hope made people laugh.
KansasCity.com 28th July 2003
Top|Home
Comical Ali: Saddam's sons are not dead
23 Jul 2003 by Malcolm Drury
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, otherwise known as "Comical Ali", the former PR man
for failed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein™, has issued a taped statement via
the Arab television channel al-Jazeera, in which he says that Uday and Qusay
Hussein, Mr. Saddam's sons, are not dead, contrary to the claims made by the
US occupation force in Iraq.
"There is no truth whatsoever to the American claim," he says on the tape. "Uday
and Qusay Hussein are both alive and well. There was a short gun battle in
Mosul, during which both received minor scratches. The brave Iraqi soldiers
fought off the American scoundrels, who tried to flee, and killed them all.
Both Uday and Qusay, in spite of their minor wounds, taunted the fleeing
Americans mercilessly with cries of 'Go and change your uniform', 'Come back
and fight' and 'I release noxious wind in your general direction'".
DeadBrain 23rd July 2003
Top|Home
Little LeRoy
Little
Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he
should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, "Well Leroy, it
isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you
anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one
instead."
After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to
his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.
He wrote:
Dear
Jesus,
I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.
Your Friend,
Leroy
Now, Leroy knew that Jesus really knew what kind of bratty boy he was, so he
ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.
He wrote:
Dear
Jesus,
I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new
bicycle.
Yours Truly
Leroy
Well, Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest, so he tore it up and tried
again.
He wrote:
Dear Jesus,
I've thought about being a good boy this year
and can I have a bicycle?
Leroy
Well, Leroy looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his
mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of
almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trash can and
went running outside.
He aimlessly wandered about, depressed because of the way he treated his
parents and really considered his actions. He finally found himself in front
of a Catholic Church.
Leroy went inside and knelt down, looking around not knowing what he should
really do. Leroy finally got up and began to walk out the door and was
looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran
out the door.
He went home, hid it under his bed and wrote this letter:
Jesus,
I've got your mama.
If you ever want to see her again, give me a
bike!
Sincerely,
You Know Who
Contributed by S.M.I from the
U.S
Top|Home
The
Jury
A
prospective juror was being questioned by the District Attorney for a murder
trial that had been in all the papers.
"If the
defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you kill him for his crime ?"
"Well,
no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday if that would be OK."
Top|Home
The President’s Puzzle
Dick
Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and
hollering.
"What's
the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing
at all, boss. I just done f
Top|Home
| 