I
I aim to keep this bathroom clean. Your aim will help! I am a woman of many moods and they all require chocolate! I am as lucky as I can be, cause the worlds best grandpa belongs to me!
(Grandma, Nana, Papa, Mother, Father)I am man(woman)....hear me snore! I am not a perfectionist. My parents were, though. I am not hard to please, I just like things my way! I am woman...I am invincible...I am tired I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that is can't be blamed on somebody else. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom. I divorced my husband for religious reasons...He thought he was God...I didn't ! I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day.Tomorrow is not looking
good either.I can see clearly now, the brain is gone. I can’t clean house, my dust bunnies think they’re in heaven! I'd rather be stitchen than in the kitchen! I don't cook on days that end in Y I dig gardening! I don’t do mornings! I don't do mousework... I don't get headaches....I give them! I don't have an eating problem.
I eat....I get fat.
I buy new clothes.
No Problem !I keep trying to lose weight...but it keeps finding me! I fought the lawn and the lawn won. I have a doll from days gone by...very worn and tattered. But she was there for me
to love...and that's all that really mattered!I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. I have a problem with furniture...My chest has fallen into my drawers! I have flabby thighs...but fortunately my stomach covers them. I have one nerve left...and you're getting on it! I hear that you've been naughty... So listen...here's the scoop. Santa's low on coal
this year... So you get Snowman poop.I like hugs and I like kisses, but what I'd love...is help with the dishes! I like to walk with grandma
her steps are short like mine
she doesn’t say "now hurry up"
she always takes her time
most people have to hurry
they do not stop to see
I’m glad god made grandma
unrushed and young like meI like your approach...now let's see your departure. I love deadlines. I especially like the "whooshing" sound
they make as they go flying by!I love jugs, jars, bottles and crocks...pewter, brass and grandfather clocks... I made myself a snowball,
as perfect as could be,
I thought I'd keep it as a pet,
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas,
and a pillow for it's head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first - it wet the bed.I was born to have a maid, not be one! I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can diet! I met this guy, he talked like my dad, walked like my dad, and dressed like my dad.
Then I took him to meet my mom and she said she hated him!I might as well exercise...I'm in a bad mood anyway! I need someone really bad....Are you really bad? I owe...I owe...it's off to work I go! I peck my friends like I peck my seeds...So they will grown and bloom through the
seasons (Editors note: I made this one up with a picture of birds in a country garden
for an old friend of mine, can also use the words pick and have with a plain garden, By Dorilynne)I was cut out to be thin...But God sewed me up wrong! I shop like a bull...I charge everything! I smile because I am your Mother. I laugh because you can't do anything about it. I thought I'd like to be a witch, so I tried it for a spell... I usually wake up grumpy, but sometimes I let him(her) sleep in. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. If a frog had wings, it won't bump it's butt when it hopped. If a man is alone in the woods and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong? If a messy desk means a messy mind, what does a blank desk mean? If at first you don’t succeed, do it the way your wife told you. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again! If being an idiot hurt, you'd be in constant pain ! If crying and pouting don't work....BITCH! If duct tape can't fix it, buy a new one! If God had intended for us to touch our toes...He'd have put them on our knees. If I agree with you... will you shut up? If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening
sky would be in the palm of my hand.If "ifs" and "buts" were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. If idiots could fly...this place would be an airport! If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it's not in the computer....it doesn't exist! If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. If Noah would have been truly wise...he would have swatted those two flies. If stress burned calories...I would be a size 3! If the hat can’t be seen...I’m on the green If the shoe fits, wear it. If there's a ring in the tub, please answer it! If this hats missin’ Dads gone fishin’ If this hats missin' ....I've gone fishin' If wishes were fishes, we'd have a fish fry. If you are grouchy, irritable or just plain mean...there will be a $20 charge for putting up
with you!If you can laugh at it, you can live with it. ~Erma Bombeck~ If you can't convince them, confuse them. If you can't lick 'em, join 'em. If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. If you don't like my driving...get off the sidewalk! If you don't have time to do it right...when will you have time to do it over? If you don’t want your ash kicked, the butt stops here. If you drink and drive, don't park, accidents cause people! If you need a penny, take one. If you need two pennies, take two. If you need three
pennies, get a job.If you needed it today why don't you wait and order it tomorrow. If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours. If your dog is fat . . . you're not getting enough exercise! If your nose runs and your feet smell...you're probably built upside down. If you think it's tough being a Firefighter...try being a Firefighter's wife! If you want something done right, do it yourself! If you want to be respected, you must respect yourself. If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride. I'm a responsible person. If something goes wrong, I'm responsible! I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor~ I'm belly building...not body building! I'm creative. You can't expect me to be neat too! I'm entering the "metallic years"...silver in my hair, gold in my teethand lead in my bottom! I'm in shape...Round is a shape...isn't it? I'm just as lucky as I can be for the world's best Dad belongs to me.
(Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, Papa, Mother, Mom, Father)I'm just driving this way to piss you off. I'm not Bossy...I just have better ideas. I'm not deaf. I'm ignoring you. I'm not fat....I'm fluffy! I'm not fat! I'm just a nutritional overachiever. In a crisis, give help first and then advice. Inside every older person is a young person wondering what the hell happened! In the dell of our garden, my dolls and I take tea, and days when I have raisins,
the catbirds dine with me.In the end only kindness matters. In this land of fun and sun, we flush on two, not one. Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your children Into every life a little rain must fall. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow~ Is there such thing as a gruntled employee? Is it a coincidence that DOG spelled backwards is GOD ? It is easy for a parent to hear himself talking, all he has to do is listen to his children. It is not enough to aim.; you must hit. ~Italian Proverb~ It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world...end to end, someone would be
stupid enough to try and pass them.It is the last straw that breaks the camel's back. It is true that God made men before women, but it also true that he made a rough
draft before a masterpiece.It takes all kinds to make a world go round. ~T. Shelton~ It takes one to know one. It takes two to tangle. It will be a good day when the military holds a bake sale and the schools have all the
money they need!It's a girl's world...boys just live in it! It's a small world. It's all in how you look at things. It's better to find a whole worm in your apple than half a worm. It's better to keep your mouth shut and look stupid than to say something and leave no
doubt about it!It's not the destination, it's the journey! It's six of one, half dozen of another. It's the heart that makes the home. It's the little things that count.
