Inuyasha vs. Japan

Part Five - Justice is Served
special thanks: lunarJ

Naraku cracks his knuckles impatiently while waiting for the jury to return. Miroku whistles a song that sounds remarkably similar to "Grip." Inuyasha stares at Naraku furiously. Kagome nervously clasps her hands. Kasai smirks with a hint of evil. Sesshomaru gives her an intense glare and then focuses on the jury re-entering the courtroom. All the jurors sit down as Judge Judy and Jaken enter and take their positions.

Judy: Have you muttonheads reached a verdict?

Sango (standing up): Yes...we "muttonheads" have reached a verdict. We the jury, on this the 29th day of November, have three unanimous decisions. In the charges of premeditated murder and illegal explosives use, we find the defendant not guilty.

Inuyasha: Hot damn!

Naraku: Grrr...

Sango: In the charges relating to the incidents preceding the bombings, we the jury find the defendant not guilty.

Miroku: Yep, yep, yep. I'm good, aren't I?

Inuyasha starts to dance, celebrating his victories so far.

Sango: In the charge relating to the abuse of an animal, we find the defendant guilty as charged.

Inuyasha: WHAT?!

Miroku: Oh my. Well, you can't win them all.

Inuyasha: That's all you can say? Damn you, Miroku!

Naraku closes his eyes. He is not pleased with the verdicts. An animal abuse charge would only get Inuyasha a fine or a relatively small amount of jail time. Naraku turns to Kasai.

Naraku: I hate it when I don't get my way. We've played this game long enough.

Kasai removes her trench coat and scarf, exposing the same outfit that she wore on the day of the bombings. Her long red hair flows down her back.

Kasai: I agree. It's time to hand out the death penalty to everyone in here, no?

Inuyasha: That's her! She's the one who set me up!

Miroku eyes her with lust.

Miroku: Mmm-mmm. She's also a thief...she just took my breath away.

Kasai: ......

Kagome: Now's not the time for cheesy pick-up lines!

Naraku's hand turns into a tentacle and he kills a security guard in the courtroom. The horrified crowd try to escape but the doors have been sealed.

Naraku: I have placed a special barrier on all of the exits. There is no escape.

Sesshomaru unsheathes Tokijin. It doesn't have any power flowing through it.

Kasai: Sorry, honey. I sprayed an energy suppressor into the air just a while back. All demonic powers have been disabled, unless you took a special vaccine in advance.

Sango: No way! How could you have gotten something like that?

All eyes turn to Hayakage, the ninja salesman.

Hayakage: What? I sell to everyone. If I only sold stuff to the good guys, there goes 50% of my earnings.

Naraku: And don't bother with the Wind Tunnel, Miroku...

Naraku points to Kohaku and he releases several Saimyosho. They fly around, filling the vicinity with their buzzing noises.

Miroku: Whoa, he's really prepared this time.

Naraku: That's not all...right, Judge?

Judy laughs and levitates from her chair. She stands before Inuyasha and punches him. The half-demon is sent flying back all the way to the wall farthest from the witness stand.

Judy: Ha! I'm also one of Naraku's incarnations! My perfume hid my scent pretty well!

Kagome: Of course! Someone as mean and cruel as Judge Judy Sheindlin can only be a spawn of Naraku!

Naraku: Right you are. Kasai, Judge Judy...attack!

Miroku starts to fight with Judge Judy. Surprisingly, Judy is an expert-level martial artist. She kicks Miroku around like a training dummy. He is no match for her. Meanwhile, Kasai powers up, practically setting herself on fire.

Kasai: You want to know why I'm called Kasai? Here's why!

She throws fireballs towards Kagome and the others. They avoid the heated attacks. One breaks through Naraku's barrier and out of a glass window.

Sesshomaru (thinking): Her attack broke Naraku's barrier...interesting.

Sesshomaru runs to the main doors of the courtroom.

Sesshomaru: Foolish woman, I bet you cannot hit me.

Kasai: Oh yeah? Take this!

Kasai fires another fireball. Sesshomaru easily dodges it and it destroys the doorway. People flock out of the courtroom as fast as they can. Sesshomaru then slides over to Jaken.

Jaken: Smart thinking, m�Lord!

Sesshomaru: Yes, but without any demonic power, I cannot defeat her. I want you to run through the door and across the street when I tell you to.

Jaken: Why? What do you--

Jaken is sliced horizontally across the chest by Tokijin. His red blood trickles onto the floor.

Jaken: AAAAHHH! M'LORD! WHY?!

Sesshomaru: I'll use Tenseiga on you later. NOW RUN!

Jaken is in pain, but he listens to his master and runs across the street. He leaves a trail of blood behind him. In the streets, Jaken is like a living version of Frogger, narrowly missing being hit by cars and trucks. Kasai sees the trail of blood on the floor.

Kasai: Red...it's so...red...

Naraku: Kasai! No!

Kasai follows the trail of red blood into the middle of the street. Just then, a red fire truck heads her way.

Kasai: Ooh! More red! I just love--

The fire truck doesn't stop and it runs her over. Then a large 18-wheeler drives over her body. Then a taxicab. Then a frozen food truck. Then a Honda Civic. Then another taxicab. Then a motorcycle. Then a steamroller. Then a clown on a unicycle. She is flattened like a page from a book of manga.

Naraku and Miroku: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Sesshomaru: Sayonara.

Naraku: Sesshomaru! I'm going to--

Hayakage: Excuse me. When am I going to receive payment?

Naraku: NEVER! NOW BE QUIET!

Hayakage: A deadbeat, eh? No one stiffs me, Naruto.

Naraku: My name is NARAKU!

Hayakage: Whatever. I'm never good with names anyway.

He then looks to the Saimyosho and pulls out a bottle. He sprays a mist into the air and the insects fall over dead.

Naraku: WHAT?

Hayakage: Chikara brand bug spray. It's the best on the market. Buy in bulk, it's cheaper by the dozen.

Miroku, who is still getting beat up by Judy, laughs when he sees the dead insects.

Miroku: I'm sorry, Judge Judy. But I'm afraid this is the last episode of your TV show...

Judy blinks.

Miroku: WIND TUNNEL!!!

Judy shrieks with an unearthly cry and she is sucked into the void. Once her entire form is pulled inside, Miroku reseals his cursed hand with the sacred beads he wears. Hayakage tosses a kunai knife to Kagome.

Hayakage: This one's on the house.

Kagome smiles and uses the kunai to cut Inuyasha out of the straight jacket. Inuyasha takes off his muzzle and throws it at Koga.

Koga: OW!

Inuyasha: That was for the bad breath joke!

Kagome: What about Naraku?

Inuyasha: Oh yeah, him. Naraku! You bastard!

Naraku: Nuh-uh-uh. You can't do anything without your demonic powers. And you sure do like to call people "bastards," don�t you?

Inuyasha: BASTARD!

Inuyasha tears into him with his claws. Naraku is sliced into pieces. Kohaku and Kanna gulp nervously and slowly sneak out of the courtroom. Naraku's head floats above everyone.

Naraku: What is this? What about the suppressor? And do you have any idea how much that suit cost?!

Sesshomaru: With the door wide open, the mist you sprayed is airing out.

A bailiff tosses Tetsusaiga, a piece of evidence that was never used, to Inuyasha. The blade transforms in the half-demon's hands.

Inuyasha: It's over, Naraku! WIND SCAR!!!

The overpowering wave of pure demonic energy surges towards Naraku's head and blasts it into oblivion. All that remains is a cloud of purple smoke. The cloud floats out of a window and disappears.

Inuyasha: Case dismissed!

Everyone lowers their head.

Inuyasha: What? Come on! I thought that line sounded cool!

Miroku: Well, let's go home.

Two armed guards stand before them.

Guard #1: Not so fast.

Guard #2: You were still found guilty of animal abuse, Inuyasha.

Inuyasha: FEH! There's no judge! Who's going to give me a punishment? Ha, I get to leave!

Guard #1: We have a back-up judge.

Miroku: Um, who?

The door to the judge's chambers opens. Enter Judge Joe Brown. He takes his seat behind the judge's stand.

Kagome: I should have known.

Joe: Now, I've been watching the whole thing on closed-circuit TV in the back...

Inuyasha: Blah blah blah, just give me a fine and we can all go.

Joe: SIT BOY!

Inuyasha's eyes widen and he sits on the floor.

Sango: Wow. And he didn't use magic like Kagome.

Joe: I don't like people who abuse animals. I should throw your sorry butt in jail, but I see that you are needed to fight evil. I have a better punishment for you.

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A week has passed. Kagome and her family are enjoying themselves at the park in the early evening. The cool December air blows a gentle breeze all around them. Kagome sits with Sota on a park bench.

Sota: That trial was nuts.

Kagome: Tell me about it. I can't believe that Judge Joe gave me a fine for stealing that kid's bicycle.

Sota: You'd be in deeper trouble if you didn't give it back.

Kagome: Yeah. I'd rather pay a fine than have the punishment that Inuyasha got.

Inuyasha is nearby, wearing a prison jumpsuit. In one hand is a long wooden pole with a nail extended from one end. In the other is a plastic bag. He uses the pole to pick up trash and the bag to hold it.

Inuyasha: I hate this.

Miroku, Sango, and Shippo arrive. Shippo giggles. Sango laughs too.

Miroku: It's not so bad, Inuyasha.

Inuyasha: 500 hours of community service isn't bad?

Miroku: Hmm...good point. I'm glad I'm not in your shoes...well, if you wore shoes, I wouldn't want to be in them, heh heh.

Sango and Shippo laugh again.

Inuyasha: It's funny? You know, Sango, this is your fault! Finding me guilty of "animal abuse!" Feh, here's a "good point" for all of ya!

Inuyasha raises his wooden pole and swipes the nailed-end at Miroku. The monk, demon slayer, and fox demon turn and start to run. Inuyasha chases after them.

Miroku: Inuyasha! Murder is a crime!

Inuyasha: Then I'll get a better attorney, you bastard!

Shippo: Again with the "bastard" talk...

Inuyasha: You little bastard, I'll get you too!

Inuyasha shouts strings of foul language towards his friends while he pursues them. Kagome shakes her head and watches the sun set with her younger brother.

THE END