Inuyasha vs. Japan

Part Three - The Red Menace
special thanks: lunarJ

The people in the courtroom are baffled by Miroku's brief opening statement. Judge Judy rubs her temple with the gavel in her right hand.

Judy: Mr. ...uh, what's your name?

Miroku: It's Miroku, Your Honor.

Judy: What's your last name?

Miroku: Um...I don't know...

Judy: OK, Mr. I-Don't-Know, what kind of opening statement is that? "He didn't do it." Come on.

Miroku: I believe in cutting to the chase. Time is something that shouldn't be wasted.

Naraku: Which is exactly what you two fools are doing. Can we move on, Your Honor?

Judy: Fine. I'd like for both sides to make everything quick, so can we finish this within half an hour?

Miroku: A trial of this magnitude in under half an hour? This trial will take days to complete!

Judy: You just said that you don't believe in wasting time. I want this trial to be done in half an hour. It's being recorded for my TV show.

Judge Judy points to a few cameramen that are scattered all over the room.

Naraku: You are such a selfish and ignorant woman.

Judy: Uh...Naraku, call your first witness to the stand.

Kagome raises her eyebrow and thinks about what just happened.

Kagome: He called Judge Judy a couple of names and she shrugged it off. She didn't even insult him back. I guess even she knows how dangerous Naraku really is.

Naraku: My first witness is Kenuichio Asakawa. Would Asakawa-san please take the stand?

A teenage boy comes to the stand. He is the one Inuyasha knocked off of his bicycle on the day of the events focused on in this trial. He is sworn in by Jaken and he takes a seat.

Naraku: Now, Ken...can I call you Ken?

Ken: No...

Naraku: Ken, tell me what happened on that terrible day a few weeks ago.

Ken (pointing to Inuyasha): Well, I saw that guy running around with a cat stuck to his face. I was riding my bike and he bumped into me. I fell off and bruised my arm. I felt a little dazed too. While I was trying to get my head straight, some girl stole my bike and rode off with it.

Kagome lowers in her chair. Just then, a woman in a trench coat with her face hidden behind a thick red scarf enters the court room. She takes a seat next to Rin. Sesshomaru picks up the woman's scent. He looks at her, but does nothing since she seems harmless. The woman turns and looks down the row. She sees Sota and his red necktie. Sota notices her gaze. The woman winks and turns away. Sota is a bit confused now.

Sota (whispering): That woman was staring at my necktie, Kagome.

Kagome (whispering): It's very nice; can you blame her?

Sota decides to ignore the woman and continue to watch the trial. Naraku is still questioning Ken.

Naraku: But it was Inuyasha who bumped you off the bicycle?

Ken: Yeah, but I think it was an accident.

Naraku: That will be all.

Ken: But--

Naraku: Shut up!

Ken blinks and closes his mouth. Naraku takes his seat as Miroku prepares to examine the witness.

Miroku: You say that Inuyasha hitting you was an accident, correct?

Naraku: OBJECTION!

Judy: On what grounds?

Naraku thinks for a second. He shrugs and allows the examination to proceed. Bored with the trial, Kohaku plays a Game Boy and Kanna watches.

Ken: Yeah, it was an accident.

Miroku: And why was it an accident?

Ken: He had a cat stuck to his face. He couldn't see where he was going.

Miroku: Right. He couldn't see where he was going. If anyone had a cat stuck to their face--

Mushin (on the jury): I did a few years ago. I was drinking one night and...

The jurors look at the old man. They have a look that says "what the hell" spread across their faces.

Mushin: Never mind.

Miroku: Yes. As I was saying, if anyone had a cat stuck to their face, they wouldn�t be able to see. Inuyasha accidentally did all of the things that he is accused of. Well, besides the bombing that he didn't do in the first place. Thank you, Ken.

Ken leaves the stand and Miroku takes a seat next to Inuyasha. Naraku clenches his fists and knocks the Game Boy out of Kohaku's hands. It lands in the jury area and Koga catches it.

Koga: Yeah! Cool! It's mine now!

Koga stares at the machine.

Koga: What is it?

Judy: Hey! You! The one with the dirty brown skirt and that womanly ponytail! Zip it!

Inuyasha: HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Judy: What are you laughing at?

Judy throws her gavel and it hits Inuyasha square in the forehead. Inuyasha groans and Judy pulls out another gavel from under the stand.

Judy: Naraku, call another witness. Make it quick; the cameras are rolling.

Naraku thinks for a moment. Kanna whispers into his ear. Naraku grins devilishly and stands up.

Naraku: Fine. What Inuyasha did was an accident. But he had a cat stuck to his face. Why was that cat there? Why don't we ask him? I call Buyo to the stand!

Inuyasha and Miroku: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Judy raises her gavel. Inuyasha and Miroku shut up very quickly. Buyo the cat is brought into the courtroom by a bailiff. Jaken swears in the cat as best he can. Naraku approaches the witness stand.

Naraku: Buyo, Inuyasha was abusing you, wasn't he?

Buyo licks his left front paw.

Naraku: I knew it! He was!

Miroku: OBJECTION! The cat didn't say anything! He is an animal so his testimony is completely invalid, Your Honor!

Judy: Well...

Naraku: Inuyasha is a dog. Four of the jurors are wolves. One is a raccoon dog. There is also a flea. Surely this cat can have his say in court.

Miroku: But they are demons! Buyo is not a--

He thinks to himself.

Miroku: I might as well let him examine the cat. It will only make his argument look even more ridiculous.

Naraku: Where was I? Oh yes, Buyo. You latched onto Inuyasha's face in an attempt to get revenge on him attacking you, correct?

Buyo rolls over and purrs.

Naraku: Aha! As I thought! All of those "accidents" could have been prevented if Inuyasha wasn't abusing this poor little kitty cat.

Naraku takes a seat. The jury looks sympathetic towards Buyo. Miroku rolls his eyes.

Judy: Is the defense going to examine the witness?

Miroku: I have nothing to ask a cat. Do I look like Dr. Dolittle?

Buyo leaves the stand.

Judy: Watch your mouth with me, boy. Anyway, does the prosecution have any more witnesses?

Naraku: Yes. I'd like to call Kikyo to the stand.

The people in attendance talk amongst themselves. Kagome doesn't understand what is going on.

Kagome: Miroku? What does Kikyo have to do with anything?

Miroku: Naraku�s undoubtedly using her as a character witness. He's going to make Inuyasha look bad by using what Kikyo says about his personality and past deeds.

Inuyasha: Damn him!

Kikyo enters the courtroom. The woman in the trench coat stares at Kikyo's red pants. Sesshomaru looks at the woman out of the corner of his eye. Kikyo is sworn in and she sits at the stand.

Naraku: Hello Kikyo. I've established the fact that Inuyasha is a hostile monster. But you know that better than I do.

Kikyo: How so?

Naraku: Isn't it true that he once killed you?

Inuyasha: INJECTION!

Miroku: You mean "objection." And that's my job, not yours. Let them continue, Inuyasha.

Kikyo (sighing): Yes and no...I was really killed by you. You were disguised as Inuyasha.

The murmuring in the court rises to a higher level. Judge Judy bangs her gavel.

Judy: Order in the court! Order!

Naraku: Um, Your Honor, I ask that this witness� testimony be completely stricken from the record other than the word "yes."

Miroku (standing up): OBJECTION! You can't do that!

Judy: OVERRULED! Yes he can.

Miroku: What? Can I do that?

Judy: No.

Miroku: That's not fair! Why not?

Judy: You made fun of my looks earlier.

Both men take their seats as Kikyo leaves the stand. Naraku sticks his tongue out at Miroku. He then huddles with his team. After a few seconds of conferring, Naraku speaks to the judge.

Naraku: We have no more witnesses, but we have a piece of evidence to show the jury...the remote control used for the bombings.

A bailiff brings the remote control into the courtroom. The jurors look at it carefully. Naraku stands up to address the jury once again.

Naraku: Inuyasha's fingerprints are all over it. He pretends to be ignorant when in reality, he is a criminal mastermind. The incidents with the cat were executed to make him look foolish. You wouldn't expect a person with a cat attached to his face for over 10 minutes to be brilliant enough to create powerful explosives. Ha! That's what Inuyasha wants you to believe--

Naraku continues to ramble on. Rin is humming while coloring in her coloring book. Sesshomaru watches her scribble outside the lines with a red crayon. The woman in the trench coat stares at the red on the paper with an almost loving look. Sesshomaru notices this.

Sesshomaru (whispering): I know who you are. You're the one who framed my brother.

Kasai (whispering): Indeed I am. What are you going to do? Turn me in and clear his name?

Sesshomaru (whispering): I have no use for him. He can rot in jail for all I care.

Kasai (whispering): I see. You're jealous since you're not as attractive as he is.

Sesshomaru (whispering): Because he wears all that red?

Kasai (whispering): Um...

Sesshomaru (whispering): You are attracted to the color red. That scarf, the color on Rin's paper, Inuyasha's clothing, Kikyo's pants, that large button on that remote over there, your hair and eyes...they're all red.

Kasai (whispering): Heh. You are quite perceptive. Red is my favorite color. I love it.

Kasai turns away from Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru looks at her for an extra moment. He then turns back to the proceedings. Miroku is now addressing the jury.

Miroku: I assure you that Inuyasha's incompetence is purely genuine. He is dumber than a box full of rocks.

Inuyasha (standing up): DAMN YOU, MIROKU! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA OF CALLING ME DUMB?

Miroku (whispering): Be quiet.

Inuyasha: NO! I'LL BE DAMNED IF I LET YOU STAND THERE AND CALL ME NAMES!

Judy: Hey! One more outburst like that and I'll have you ejected from the courtroom!

Inuyasha: EJECT THIS!

Inuyasha tries to give the judge the "finger," but his hands are trapped inside the straight jacket he wears. Instead, he turns around and wiggles his rear end at Judge Judy.

Judy: That's it! I'm taking you down!

Judge Judy gets up and is ready to go fight with Inuyasha.

Jaken: Your Honor! You can't fight with the defendant!

Judy (sitting down): You're right, Yoda. Mr. I-Don't-Know, get your client under control.

Miroku talks with Inuyasha.

Miroku: Please stop speaking. There is a method to my madness; just let me finish.

Inuyasha: GO TO HELL!

Kagome: Sit!

Inuyasha is pulled to the floor. He finally gets silent.

Judy: Does the prosecution have anything more that it would like to bring to the court's attention?

Naraku: No. That display proves my point. He tries so hard to look foolish. His overacting will be his undoing.

Judy: All right. Mr. I-Don't-Know, the next move is yours.

Miroku smirks.

Miroku: I'd like for my client, Inuyasha, to take the stand!

TO BE CONTINUED

Inuyasha himself is brought to the stand to testify before the court. He must answer the questions of both Miroku and Naraku. Afterwards, the jury is sent to make a decision. Sango and the others must decide the fate of Inuyasha! Next time on INUYASHA VS. JAPAN..."In the Hands of Twelve!"