Inuyasha vs. Japan

Part Four - In the Hands of Twelve
special thanks: lunarJ

Inuyasha grumbles and walks to the witness stand. He is met by Jaken.

Jaken: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Inuyasha: Kagome doesn't like it when I swear.

Kagome (sighing): Whatever...

Inuyasha: So I can swear? Cool! Everyone in this courtroom is a--

Kagome: NO! That's not what he means. Just say that you swear to tell the truth.

Inuyasha: Sure.

Inuyasha sits down at the stand and Miroku calmly approaches him.

Miroku: Inuyasha...you say that you are not dumb. Do you care to prove it to the court?

Inuyasha: I'm not dumb! I'll answer any question you throw at me!

Miroku: All right. What's 2 + 2?

Inuyasha: That's easy. It's four.

Miroku: All right. What's the opposite of night?

Inuyasha: Day.

Naraku (thinking): This proves the opposite of his argument...what's he up to?

Miroku: I believe that if you were trying to bear false stupidity in an attempt to look like you didn't create those bombs, you would have incorrectly answered those simple questions. Since you are really too foolish to think of a plan like that, I doubt that you have the mental capacity needed to manufacture any semblance of an explosive device.

Inuyasha blinks confusedly. Miroku smiles and takes a seat. Naraku stands up and confronts Inuyasha.

Naraku: Miroku's theory is interesting. But I have different one. You answered those questions correctly not because of your "lack of intelligence" to formulate a small plan...your pride wouldn't allow you to miss them. You are a criminal genius...

Inuyasha: OBJECTION!

Naraku: You can't object! Especially from the witness stand!

Inuyasha: Feh! I'm no criminal genius. That would be you, Naraku!

Naraku: What?

Inuyasha: You had Kasai set me up. And isn't it convenient that the persecutor for this trial is killed and you suddenly take his place. Since when are you a persecutor?

Naraku: PROSECUTOR, YOU IDIOT!

Inuyasha: I thought I was a "criminal genius." Now I'm an idiot. Make up your mind.

Naraku: I will not be treated like I am on trial! You're the criminal, not me!

Inuyasha: Then ask me a question.

Naraku's composure is almost completely gone. He is too angry and cannot think of an appropriate question.

Naraku: Uh...where were you on the night of June 22nd?

Inuyasha: The bombings were in November. What does June have to do with anything?

Naraku: ARGH! No further questions...

Naraku takes his seat again and Inuyasha goes back to the defense table.

Judy: Does the defense have any more witnesses?

Miroku: I feel that we are done.

Judy: Yes or no will do, hotshot.

Miroku: Lady, you're getting on my nerves...

Judy: Join the club. Naraku, make your closing statement.

Naraku (standing): People of the jury...Inuyasha is a crafty individual. Do not be deceived by his outrageous behavior. He is guilty and he must be given the death penalty. Make him suffer like he made those men, women, and children suffer. And don't forget how he abused poor little Buyo. Do the right thing and find this beast guilty!

Naraku sits down and Miroku is ready to give his final statement.

Miroku: Inuyasha is a lot of things. Grumpy, aggressive, ignorant, bullish, pigheaded, stubborn--

Inuyasha: THEY GET THE POINT, YOU BASTARD!

Miroku: Right. He is all of those things, but he is not a bomber. As for Buyo, Inuyasha was simply toying with the animal. He didn't mean to harm him. The incidents that arose from that were all completely accidental. Inuyasha must be found not guilty of all the charges. If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit. Thank you.

Miroku takes his seat.

Kagome (whispering): Glove? What glove?

Miroku (whispering): I just wanted to throw that in there.

Judy turns to the jury.

Judy: Mouth-breathers on the jury, please enter the deliberation room and decide a verdict. Due to the fact that I am very impatient, you're only getting an hour to think of something. At the end of the hour-long period, we will have a coin toss. Heads, he's guilty; tails, he's not guilty. We will now take a recess period for an hour. I'll have the editing crew cut this part out.

Jaken: Recess? I remember recess! Can I be the pitcher in kickball?

Judy rolls her eyes and goes to her chambers. The jurors stand up and head to the deliberation room. Miroku speaks with Kagome and Inuyasha. Naraku telepathically communicates with Kasai in the audience.

Naraku: If Inuyasha is acquitted, you know what to do.

Kasai: Yes, I'll make preparations at once.

Kasai holds up an aerosol can and sprays an odorless substance into the air. Sesshomaru glares at her, sensing that something isn't right.

Sesshomaru (thinking): I'm sensing that something isn't right.

The jurors enter their room and sit at the long rectangular table in the center. Sango, the head juror, sits at one end. Koga sits at the other.

Sango: OK. It's obvious that Naraku is setting up Inuyasha. Not guilty on all charges. That was easy.

Koga: Not so fast, Sango. I'm not so sure.

Myoga: You're kidding? Master Inuyasha is not a bomber!

Koga: That's what he wants us to think! I hate to say it, but he's smarter than he looks. Did you see how he made Naraku look foolish in the courtroom? And they found him with the remote. If he didn't do it, who did? This "Kasai" person that he made up?

Sango: We're not trying to find that out. We're only trying to determine if INUYASHA did it or not.

Hachi: I think that Inuyasha is innocent of the bombing and all that accidental stuff, but I know he purposely abused that cat.

Jinenji: I agree with the raccoon dog. Inuyasha likes to pick on things smaller than himself.

Kagura: I think he's guilty of all of it.

Sango: You're only saying that because Naraku will crush your heart if you think otherwise!

Kagura: Shut up! What do you know?

Mushin: Ladies...don't fight. Why not set aside your differences and give me a massage?

Sango slaps him across the face.

Sango: Now I see where Miroku gets his lecherous ways from!

Ayame: No need to get violent. I think Inuyasha is innocent of all the charges.

Koga: Why? He's a criminal!

Ayame (thinking): If Inuyasha is gone, Kagome is alone. Koga will have no competition for her affections. Kagome would have to become Koga's girl then. I can't have that!

Sango looks to Hayakage, Sakura, Ginta and Hakkaku.

Sango: You guys! Say something!

Sakura: He made fun of my name. Someone as mean and inconsiderate as he is perfectly capable of committing those crimes.

Koga remembers Sakura from the time they spent together at Dr. Iwamoto's clinic.

Koga (snickering): Oh yeah. What's your name again, man?

Sakura: It's...Sakura.

Everyone but Sakura, Sango, Ayame, and Jinenji: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sakura: I hate my parents for cursing me with this name. They wanted a girl, but why didn�t they love me for being a boy? Why? WHY?

Sango (pointing to Ginta and Hakkaku): What do you guys think?

Ginta: We think whatever Koga thinks.

Hakkaku: Koga is never wrong.

Kagura: Um, sure. How much is real estate in Dreamland? I'd like to move there.

Koga: Are you saying that I can be wrong sometimes? And don't think I forgot about what you did to my tribe!

Kagura: I did them a favor. With them dead, they don't have to listen to your irritating voice anymore!

Koga rises from his chair. He calms down and reseats himself. He turns to Hayakage.

Koga: Hey ninja! You haven't said a word since we came in here.

Hayakage: Of course not. I can't pay for entertainment like this. You people amuse me.

Sango: What do you think of Inuyasha? Is he innocent or guilty?

Hayakage: I don't really care. I'll say anything, depending on how much you are willing to pay me.

Sango: I'm not paying you anything, Hayakage!

Hayakage: That's quite all right. I'm sure that someone else will.

Koga: I'll give you six jewel shards to say that he's guilty.

Ginta: But Koga, you don�t have--

Koga elbows Ginta.

Hayakage: I have no desire for jewel shards. Sure, I could sell them and make a hefty profit. But there are always those loonies that will chase me down and try to steal them. It's very annoying.

Sango gets up and walks over to Hayakage. She grabs him by the throat.

Sango: How about this? You'll say he's innocent and I won't choke the life out of your body.

Hayakage disappears in a puff of smoke. Sango is now clutching onto a tree branch. Hayakage reappears behind Sango.

Hayakage: Substitution, a common art of the ninja. Threatening me will get you nowhere. But I admire a strong woman. I guess I'm on your side.

Koga: Damn it.

Myoga: Koga, think about it. If Inuyasha goes to jail, Kagome will be sad. You don't want to make her sad, do you?

Koga: Well...fine. But I don't know what she sees in that mutt. I'll say he's innocent.

Ginta and Hakkaku (bowing to Koga): Koga is always right!

Mushin: I'll also say he's innocent. But only for Miroku.

Hachi: Me too.

Ayame: He's innocent!

Sakura: I don't like him! He should go to jail!

Sango: I'll give you the same offer I gave the ninja. However, I doubt that you can do that disappearing trick like he did.

Sakura: OK. I'll say that Inuyasha is innocent because, quite frankly ma'am, you scare me.

Kagura: You idiots! You're all caving in. But I cannot be turned or bought.

Sango: You desire freedom from Naraku. But for that to happen, he must be destroyed. Inuyasha can do that for you.

Kagura: What about Sesshomaru? He can do it and even better than Inuyasha can.

Sango: But that's just one demon. Your chances greatly increase with two demons.

Kagura: I hate you. I really do. Inuyasha...is...ugh...innocent...

Everyone turns to Jinenji, the last juror to voice his final opinion.

Jinenji: I still think he abused the cat.

Koga: Yeah, he did. Let's find him guilty of that.

Sango: What? Why?

Koga: To teach him a lesson. And he most likely won't do any jail time. They'll probably give him a fine or something.

Sango: Come to think of it...he does abuse animals...and children...and old people. All right, as long as he won't do jail time. Are we in agreement that Inuyasha is innocent of all the charges except animal abuse?

Everyone nods.

Sango: Good. Now let's go back into the courtroom.

TO BE CONCLUDED

Sango announces the verdict. But it doesn't sit well with Naraku and his team, who then proceed to attack everyone in the courtoom! Can Inuyasha and the others finally defeat Naraku once and for all? What is in that aerosol can? Can Judge Judy fit the entire event into a 30-minute episode of her TV show? Next time on INUYASHA VS. JAPAN..."Justice is Served!"