Jerry Springer Show: Sesshomaru
Last time, Jerry Springer was hit dead on with a Wind Scar. However, modern science and technology has
brought him back with a cyborg body. Well, not really a cyborg body. OK, his head is in a small tank
of life-substaining fluid and is attached to a Xerox copy machine. Don't worry...it�s on wheels so
that he can move around. Let�s start the show...
Jerry slowly rolls out. He gets several cheers and accolades from the crowd. Behind him is a very
long extension cord that is plugged into the back wall. To speak, a microphone is propped up onto the
copy machine. The machine beeps from time to time.
Jerry: �Thank you, thank you. Today�s topic is secret crushes. *BEEP* We have a woman
backstage who was afraid to admit her love for someone they know...until now. Please welcome our first
guest, Kagura! *BEEP*�
Kagura walks onto the set. In her right hand is her fan. Kagura takes a seat and has a slight smirk
on her face.
Kagura: �Yo.�
Jerry: �Hey there. So, you have a crush?�
Kagura: �Yeah...I�m in love with the most wonderful demon. He is so handsome. His long
silvery hair shines like the moon...�
Jerry: �Demon?! Long silvery hair?! *BEEP* He�s not Inuyasha, is he? HELP! Security!�
Jerry starts to have flashbacks of when Inuyasha struck him down with a Wind Scar. A tall security
guard approaches Jerry.
Guard: �It isn�t Inuyasha, sir.�
The guard holds up a card with the crush�s name. Jerry breathes a sigh of relief.
Jerry: �Oh...good. *BEEP*�
Kagura: �Inuyasha?! Like I�d have feelings for that half-breed
mongrel. I�m in love
with Sesshomaru!�
Kagura blushes and fans herself off.
Jerry: �Oh OK. Well, I�m told that he�s backstage in the green room. It's sound-proof, so he
can�t hear a word of what we�re saying. Kagura, go backstage and wait in the red room.�
Kagura: �Red room?�
Jerry: �We have a green room...so why not a red one too? Just go wait until I call for you.�
Kagura strolls off the stage and out of view. Jerry is ready to call out Sesshomaru.
Jerry: �Please welcome Sesshomaru! *BEEP*�
The women in the crowd scream rabidly as Sesshomaru emerges from backstage. Of course, he is closely
followed by Jaken. Sesshomaru has no emotion on his face, as usual. Jaken uses his staff to hit a
couple of rabid fans who tried to storm the stage. Before Sesshomaru sits down, Jaken grabs a cushion
and fluffs it up. Sesshomaru then sits on the cushion that Jaken prepared for him. When the crowd
calms down, a small voice among them calls to the stage.
Rin: �Hi Lord Sesshomaru!�
Sesshomaru looks at Rin for a second and says nothing. Then he sets his focus on Jerry. No words
leave his lips. Jerry stares at Jaken.
Jerry: �Who�s the little guy?�
Jaken: �Little guy? I�ll have you know that I�m Lord Sesshomaru�s vassal! In fact--�
Sesshomaru cuts him off to address Jerry.
Sesshomaru: �Human, why have you----you
are human, aren�t you?�
Jerry: �My head is. *BEEP*�
Sesshomaru: �Hmm. Human-
head, why have you brought me here?�
Jerry: �What if I told you that a woman loves you?�
Jaken: �It�s obvious that a woman loves him! Did you hear the crowd cheer for me lord? Did you
see the crazies try to get to him on this stage? Get to the point, human! Or Lord Sesshomaru will
take your head to the nearest bowling alley and use it to get a perfect score!�
Sesshomaru: �That�s enough, Jaken.�
Jaken shuts up. Sesshomaru looks a little annoyed now.
Sesshomaru: �Get on with this. I am a busy man.�
Jerry: �Of course. *BEEP* A woman that you know is in love with you.�
Sesshomaru: �Who?�
Jerry: �Wouldn�t you like to know?�
Jaken: �Yes! He�d like to know! That's why he asked! Quit wasting Lord Sesshomaru�s time! If
you raise his anger any further, he�ll pull your eyes out and feed them to the crows!�
Sesshomaru: �Jaken...�
Jaken: �Yes?�
Sesshomaru: �Shut up.�
Jaken: �Shutting up.�
Jerry: "Let's bring out your secret admirer! *BEEP*"
Kagura leaves the red room and is on stage. She looks nervous. Sesshomaru looks at her. No emotion
is on his face. Kagura sits down next to him.
Sesshomaru: �Kagura?�
Kagura: �Yes...I...I love you...�
Sesshomaru is unmoved. Rin is clapping like mad.
Rin: �Yay! Lord Sesshomaru has a girlfriend! Now those demons can�t call you those nasty names
anymore!�
Sesshomaru is visibly stunned.
Sesshomaru: �What nasty names? Who was talking about me?�
Rin: �Uh...never mind.�
Sesshomaru turns to Jaken.
Sesshomaru: �What names? Who was talking about me?�
Jaken: �Well, me lord. Some demons have been talking...you�re so handsome, but you are never
seen with a woman. So, there are rumors...�
Sesshomaru is angry. Blood fills his eyes.
Sesshomaru: �WHO SPREAD THESE RUMORS?! I DEMAND TO KNOW!�
Kagura: �Uh...it isn�t important. What�s really important is my feelings for you. Please...I
hope you feel the same way.�
Sesshomaru calms down and looks into Kagura�s eyes. He doesn't want to be tied down, but he also
doesn't want to be the subject of ridicule among his peers. Sesshomaru sighs and shrugs his
shoulders.
Sesshomaru: �Yeah whatever.�
Kagura smiles and hugs Sesshomaru so tight that he can hardly breathe. Rin gets up and starts
dancing around. Jaken has a tear in his eye. The crowd applauds with approval...except a few angry
women who yell death threats towards Kagura.
Jerry: �It looks like we�ve made a love connection! *BEEP* See you next time! Wait...I can't
have a show without a fight!�
Two guys in the audience then randomly fight for no reason. The crowd chants �JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!�
Jerry: �That�s better. *BEEP* See you next time!�
The show ends. Kagura clings to Sesshomaru�s arm and the couple (followed by Jaken) go backstage. Rin
runs after them, singing a song to herself. All four are together backstage. Kagura breaks away from
the group to make a phone call. Rin giggles with glee.
Rin: �Isn�t love wonderful, Lord Sesshomaru?�
Sesshomaru stands still. He looks upward and has an irritated look in his eye.
Sesshomaru: �I�d like to know who started spreading rumors about me.�
Jaken: �It doesn�t matter! Now that you have a girlfriend, the rumors are sure to stop!�
Sesshomaru: �They�d better...�
Kagura is alone on a cellphone that she stole from an unfortunate human earlier that day. She makes a
call to someone. It�s Kohaku.
Kohaku: �Did it work?�
Kagura: �YES! He fell for it! You�re a genius!�
Kohaku: �Heh. Before the show, I told Rin and Jaken that demons were spreading rumors about
Sesshomaru�s sexuality. Wanting to end the rumors and preserve his self-image, he�d seek a woman.�
Kagura: �And now he�s mine! Kanna is going to be sooooo jealous!�
Kohaku: �Yeah, you owe me one.�
Kagura hangs up and walks away satisfied. She rejoins Sesshomaru and the others. Jerry rolls
backstage.
Jerry: �I hope everything works out for you both. But Sesshomaru...a word of advice. *BEEP*
Lose the little troll thing. He�s really creepy looking.�
Jaken: �CREEPY?! You�re attached to a metal box and you call me CREEPY?!�
Jerry: �And he stinks too. Sesshomaru, seriously, ditch the dwarf. *BEEP*�
Jaken: �I AM NOT A DWARF!�
Jaken clutches his staff with anger.
Jaken: �FEEL THE POWER OF THE STAFF OF TWO HEADS!�
Jerry is set completely on fire. He rolls around screaming for help. The flames begin to spread.
Jerry: "*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!*"
Rin: �Lord Sesshomaru...we should go.
NOW.�
Sesshomaru says nothing and walks away. Kagura, Rin, and Jaken follow as security guards rush to put out the fire using extinguishers and buckets of water.
THE END