Monty Python Scripts

Cut to the coast of Norway. Night. Tense music. Shots of big coastal guns, cliff-top fortifications.

CAPTION: Drama!

CAPTION: Action!

Build up for abut ten seconds. Cut to a cliff top looking out to sea. A grappling hook comes over and sticks in, then another, and another. Whispered voices, music, the tension rises as the rope is tightened. Then over the top comes a German, head blackened and camouflaged. Then others climb over; they are wearing haloes, pink tutus, jackboots, wands. They charge over. Stock film of guns blazing.

Voice Over (Michael)

Yes! Coming to this cinema soon! (cut to stock film of a destroyer in the midst of a pitched sea-battle; victory-at-sea music) The tender compassionate story of one man's love for another man in drag. (cut to a sailor on a ship in rough sea; he calls to the captain who is in an evening gown) THRILL! to the excitement of a night emission over Germany.

CAPTION: Thrill!

Cut to stock shots of bombers on a night raid. Cut to interior of a bomber. Various shots of pilot and navigator. There is flak outside and explosions occasionally light up the cabin

Voice Over

When the pilot, Jennifer (shot of the pilot) has to choose between hos secret love for Louis, (shot of the navigator) the hot-bloodedly bi-sexual navigator and Andy, (shot of the rear gunner) the rear gunner, who, though quite assertive with girls, tends to take the submissive role in his relationships with men. (cut to close up of gritty pipe-smoking RAF top brass) And sensational Mexican starlet, Rosetta Nixon, plays the head of bomber command, (insert of WAAF) whose passion for sea-birds ends in tragedy. (cut to montage of war footage, explosions, guns firing, etc.) With Ginger, as the half-man, half-woman, parrot whose unnatural instincts brought forbidden love in the aviary. And Roger as Pip, the half-parrot, half-man, half-woman, three-quarter badger, ex-bigamist negro preacher, for whom banjo-playing was very difficult, and he never mastered it although he took several courses and went to banjo college ... er ... and everything ... don't miss it!

During this last lot are superimposed in quick succession the following captions: `Drama' `Suspense' `Thrills' `Marquetry' `Adventures' `Don't miss it' `Coming to your cinema soon'

Voice Over

Coming to your cinema soon! (cut to an Indian restaurant) Only five minutes from this restaurant! But now! (Cut to the nude organist and `It's' man )

It's Man (Michael)

It's ...

Opening titles

At the end of the title cut to to tramps exactly as at the beginning of the show.

Continue on to the next sketch...