Monty Python Scripts

The sketch:

Then cut to two twin-set-and-pearls ladies, Mrs Elizabeth III and Mrs Mock Tudor. They are in a sitting room with vulgar furnishings. By the TV, which they are watching, stands a small Arab boy. He has electrodes fixed to him and wires stretching from a control box held by Mrs Elizabeth III. They are watching the tramps.

Mrs Mock Tudor (Graham)

Bloody repeats!

She presses the switch. The arab boy flinches with pain and turns and switches of the TV set.

Mrs Elizabeth III (Terry J.)

Yes, repeats or war films. It really makes you want to micturate.

Mrs Mock Tudor

People on television treat the general public like idiots.

Mrs Elizabeth III

Well we are idiots.

Mrs Mock Tudor

Oh no we are not!

Mrs Elizabeth III

Well I am.

Mrs Mock Tudor

How do you know you're an idiot?

Mrs Elizabeth III

Oh, I can show you!

Mrs Mock Tudor

How?

Mrs Elizabeth III

Look!

Cut to Mrs Elizabeth III coming out of the front door in a fairly well-to-do mock Tudor detached house in its own grounds. She runs headlong into a tree opposite the front door. Repeat a few times. Then she rushes into a field, digs a hole three feet deep and stands in it. Cut to her standing beside a letter box. She straps on a long false nose and pokes it through the letter box. She drinks a delicate cup of tea at a posh caf� and eats the whole cup. Cut to her nailing something to a lorry. The lorry starts off to reveal that she had been nailing herself to the lorry. She is dragged away. Cut to TV planners at a window, watching Mrs Elizabeth III doing silly things in a car park below them. She has a cream bun hanging from a long stick which comes out of her hat. She walks along strangely.

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