SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'FINAL OF THE HIDE-AND-SEEK SECOND LEO'
(Zoom in on commentator and the two finalists, forty-year-old men
limbering up in shorts and singlets.)
Comentator: Hello, good afternoon and welcome to the second
leg of the Olympic final of the men's Hide-and-Seek here in the
heart of Britain's London. We'll be surfing in just a couple of
moments from now, and there you can see the two competitors
Francisco Huron the Paraguayan, who in this leg is the seeker (we
see Francisco Huron darting about, looking behind things) and there's
the man he'll be looking for ... (we see Don Roberts
practising hiding) our own Don Roberts from Hinckley in
Leicestershire who, his trainer tells me, is at the height of his
self-secreting form. And now in the first leg, which ended on
Wednesday, Don succeeded in finding the Paraguayan in the new
world record time of 11 years, 2 months, 26 days, 9 hours, 3
minutes, 27.4 seconds, in a sweetshop in Kilmarnock. And now
they're under starter's orders.
(We see Don Roberts and Francisco Huron standing side by side, poised,
looking nervous.)
Starter: (voice over) On your marks... get set...
The starter fires his pistol. Francisco Huron immediately puts his hands
over eyes and starts counting.)
Francisco: Uno, dos, tres, quattro, cinque, seis, siete, ocho,
nueve, diez ...
(Meanwhile Don Roberts hails a cab. He gets in and it drives off)
Francisco: ... trientay dos, trientay tres, trientay quattro...
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: '32, 33, 34'
Commentator: Well Don off to a really great start there. Remember the
Paraguayan has got l1 years, 2 months, 26 days, 9 hours... (cut to
taxi on the way to London airport) 3 minutes, 27.4 seconds to beat.
(Cut back to Frandsco still counting.)
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: '998, 999, 1000'
Francisco: Neuvecian no nuevetay ocho, nuevecientas nuevente ye nueve,
mil. (Francisco takes his hands from his eyes and shouts) Coming!
(He starts looking around the immediate locality suspiciously. We see a
plane landing. There is a sign saying 'Benvenuto a Sardinia'. Cut to
Don on a bicycle. Then running up a hill. Then going into castle.
Running along corridors and eventualy pausing, looking around
agitatedly, and then hiding behind a pillar. Occasionally he looks out
nervousLY. Then cut to Francisco looking in shops in the Tottenham Court
Road. Cut to studio 'Sportsview' desk with a Frank Bough man at it.)
Frank Bough: Well, we'll be taking you back there as soon as
there are any developments.
CAPTION: 'SIX YEARS LATER'
(Cut back to desk. Frank Bough looks older.)
Frank Bough: We've just heard that something is happening in the
Hide-and-Seek final, so let's go straight over there.
(Cut to film of Francisco Huron. He is wandering around looking for Don.
Roberts in a beach setting. The commentator is some way from him. He
speaks quietly into a microphone.)
Comentator: Hello again, and welcome to Madagascar, where
Francisco Huron is seeking Don Roberts. And I've just been told
that he has been told that he has been unofficially described as
'cold'. Ah, wait a minute. (in the distance Francisco Huron consults
with an official; the commentator moves out of shot briefly, then returns)
I've just been told that Huron has requested a plane ticket for
Budapest! So he's definitely getting warmer. So we'll be back again
in just a few years.
(Cut to Frank Bough looking older. He is covered with cobwebs.)
Frank Bough: Really beginning to hot up now.
CAPTION: 'FIVE YEARS, TWO MONTBS AND TWENTY-SIX DAYS LATER'
(Cut to a Portuguese-looking setting. Francisco Huron looking round
desperately and glancing at his watch.)
Commentator: So here we are on the very last day of this fantastic final.
Huron now has less than twelve hours left to find British ace Don
Roberts. Early this morning he finished combing the outskirts of
Lisbon and now he seems to have staked everything on one final
desperate seek here in the Tagus valley. But Roberts is over fifteen
hundred miles away, and it's beginning to look all over, bar the
shouting. The sands of time are running out for this delving dago,
this sefior of seek, perspicacious Paraguayan. He's still desperately
cold and it's beginning to look like another gold for Britain.
(The camera shows Huron creeping up on a dustbin. He pauses, snatches
off the lid and looks inside. He turns away disappointed then does double
take and looks back into the bin. He pulls out a sardine tin with the
word 'Sardines' very obvious. Shot of Huron's reaction as he suddenly
gets a tremendous idea. He snaps his fingers and hails a taxi and gets in.
Cut to plane landing. Same sign as before 'Benvenuto a Sardinia'.
Francisco cycles past. Cut to him discarding the bike and running up the
hill straight into the castle. He runs along corridors into the right room,
up to the pillar and finds Don Roberrs sulking behind. They both look
very tense as they await the official result, then react in fury and
frustration when it is announced by a blazered offical.)
Official: The official result of the World Hide-and-Seek, Mr
Don Roberrs from Hinckley, Leicestershire, 11 years, 2 months,
26 days, 9 hours, 3 minutes, 27 seconds. Mr Francisco Huron,
Paraguay, 11 years, a months, 26 days, 9 hours, 3 minutes, 27
seconds. The result - a tie.
Voice Over: A tie! Well what a fantastic result. Well the replay
will start tomorrow at 7.30 a.m.
(As they stand there the camera pans off them to a window and then
zooms through the window to reveal a beach where there is a Redcoat.)
Redcoat: Well hello again .... nice to be back ... glad to see
the series has been doing well. Well now, sorry about Mon-trerx.
(At this point two men run past in the badeground carrying.a donkey. A
third runs behind carrying a sign saying 'Donkey Rides' and winking and
pointing at the donkey, they run out of picture.)
Redcoat: That was a little item entitled Hide-and-Seek - very anarchic,
very effective, not quite my cup of tea, but very nice for the
younger people. Well, the next item the boys have put together
takes place in a sitting room. Sorry it's just a sitting room, but the
bank account's a bit low after the appallingly expensive production
of 'Clothmerle'...
(He is hit by Mr Robinson with a chicken. Robinson walks away and we
follow him as he passes Badger in the foreground.)
Badger: This is a totally free interruption and no money has exchanged
hands whatever.
(The camera doesn't pause at all on Badger and we continue panning with
Robinson until he reaches the knight in amour. He hands the chicken to
the knight. He walks away from knight and into the distance.)
Series 3 Scripts