(Animation leads to an oak panelled, Civil Service committee room. A
politician is addressing three officals.)
Politician: Gentlemen, our MP saw the PM this AM and the PM
wants more LSD from the PIB by tomorrow AM or PM at the
latest. I told the PM's PPS that AM was NBG so tomorrow PM it
is for the PM it is nero. con. Give us a fag or I'll go spare. Now-
the fiscal deficit with regard to the monetary balance, the current
financial year excluding invisible exports, but adjusted of course for
seasonal variations and the incremental statistics of the fiscal and
revenue arrangements for the forthcoming annual budgetary period
terminating in April.
First Official: I think he's talking about taxation.
Politician: Bravo, Madge. Well done. Taxation is indeed the very hub of
my gist. Gentlemen, we have to find something new to tax.
Second Official: I understood that.
Third Official: If I might put my head on the chopping block
so you can kick it around a bit, sir...
Politician: Yes?
Third Official: Well most things we do for pleasure nowadays are taxed,
except one.
Politician: What do you mean?
Third Official: Well, er, smoking's been taxed, drinking's been taxed but not ... thingy.
Politician: Good Lord, you're not suggesting we should tax... thingy?
First Official: Poo poo's?
Third Official: No.
First Official: Thank God for that. Excuse me for a moment. (leaves)
Third Official: No, no, no - thinby.
Second Official: Number ones?
Third Official: No, thingy.
Politician: Thinby!
Second Official: Ah, thinby. Well it'll certainly make chartered
accountancy a much more interesting job.
Cut to vox pops.
Gumby: (standing in water) I would put a tax on all people who
stand in water ... (looks round him)... Oh!
Man In Bowler Hat: To boost the British economy I'd tax all
foreigners living abroad.
Man In Suit: I would tax the nude in my bed. No - not tax. What
is the word.~ Oh - welcome.
It's Man: I would tax Racquel Welch. I've a feeling she'd tax me.
First Business Man: Bring back hanging and go into rope.
Second Business Man: I would cut off the more disreputable
parts of the body and use the space for playing fields,
Man In Cap: I would tax holiday snaps.
(Freeze frame.)
Series 2 Scripts