(Cut to snapshot of same still which is being held by a dear
old lady. Pull out to reveal she is sitting with a large photo album on her
knees, lovingly extracting photos from the pile on top of the album and
passing them to her friend sitting on the same settee. Her friend is a
young ladyy, who tears up the photos as they are handed to her. The dear
old lady is in a world of her own and does not notice.)
Dear Old Lady: This is Uncle Ted in front of the
house. (she hands over the photo and the young lady tears it up) This is
Uncle Ted at the back of the house. (she hands over the photo and
the young lady tears it up) And this is Uncle Ted at the side of the
house. (she hands over the photo and the young lady tears it up) This is
Uncle Ted, back again at the front of the house, but you can see
the side of the house. (she hands over the photo and the young lady
tears it up) And this is Uncle Ted even nearer the side of the
house, but you can still see the front. (she hands over the photo and
the young lady tears it up) This is the back of the house, with Uncle
Ted coming round the side to the front. (she hands over the photo
and the young lady tears it up) And this is the Spanish Inquisition
hiding behind the coal shed. (Friend takes it with the first sign of real interest.)
Young Lady: Oh! I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.
(Jarring chord The door flies open and Ximinez, Biggles and Fang enter.)
Ximinez: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
(Cut to film: moving over Brengel drawing of tortures; epic film music.)
Voice Over: (and caption on screen)
'IN THE EARLY YEARS OF THE
SIXTEENTH CENTURY, TO COMBAT THE RISING TIDE OF
RELIGIOUS UNORTHODOXY, THE POPE GAVE CARDINAL XIMINEZ
OF SPAIN LEAVE TO MOVE WITHOUT LET OR HINDRANCE
THROUGHOUT THE LAND, IN A REIGN OF VIOLENCE, TERROR AND
TORTURE THAT MAKES A SMASHING FILM. THIS WAS THE
SPANISH INQUISITION . . .'
(Torchlit dungeon. We hear clanging Jbotsteps. Shadows on the Grille.
The Jbotsteps stop and keys jangle. The great door creaks open and
Ximinez walks in and looks round approvingly. Fang and Biggles enter
behind pushing in the dear old lady. They chain her to the wall.)
Ximinez: Now, old woman! You are accused of heresy on three counts.
Heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by
action. Four counts. Do you confess?
Old Lady: I don't understand what I'm accused of.
Ximinez: Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS!
(JARRING CHORD - Biggles holds out two ordinary modern household cushions)
Biggles: Here they are, lord.
Ximinez: Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin
of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And
you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last
chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Old Lady: I don't know what you're talking about.
Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the
soft cushions!
(Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture)
Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: (angrily hurling away the cushions) Hm! She is made of harder
stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!
(JARRING CHORD - Zoom into Fang's horrified face)
Fang: (terrified) The...Comfy Chair?
(Biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one)
Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft
cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!
(They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair)
Ximinez: (with a cruel leer) Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until
lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven.
(aside, to Biggles) Is that really all it is?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we?
Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: I confess!
Ximinez: Not you!
Series 2 Scripts