Dating: Why Laying a Strong Foundation is Important

Friends...Lovers...

�The foundation carries the weight of the entire building. Not just the building, but everything that�s going to be put in it.� (Pastor Chapman�Raleigh North Christian Center)

�I believe that in God-glorifying, wisdom-guided courtship we have two central priorities. The first is to treat each other with holiness and sincerity; the second is to make and informed and wise decision about marriage. In Courtship our goals should be to grow and guard� (1)

In Boy Meets Girl, Author Joshua Harris explains as courtship partners it is important for the couples to slowly grow together learning and observing each other�s character. Joshua also states that couples need to stay guarded during the courtship process because neither individual know the outcome of the courtship.

In his book Author Joshua Harris describes four stages in which couples should progress through in order to maintain a healthy relationship that glorifies God as well as to gain insight about whether God intended for them to be married.

• Friendship��The first and most important thing you can do in your courtship is to deepen your friendship.� (1) Joshua brings up a good point, in that we shouldn�t consume ourselves with trying to figure out if we are going to marry this person, nor should we move into the romance phase of the relationship before it�s time. If you do this, not only are you setting yourself up for failure, but your mate/courtship partner as well. Think about it, at what point did you have time to lay down the foundation? How was the foundation laid? At what point did you observe each other and learn about each other? If you are going to marry someone, surely you have to know them. Ask yourself, do I even know the "real me?" How can you try to figure someone else out when you don't even know yourself? Most often than not, skipping friendship is one of the biggest mistakes that couples make. (2) Joshua encourages partners to get to know one another through conversation and spending quality and quantity time together, furthermore, progressing the friendship at a slow and steady pace. During the friendship stage your goal should be trying to figure out, how you can help each other see the �real� you! (1) Joshua also mentions three important words, which are pace, focus, and space. �The pace should be unhurried, the focus should be on friendship, and the amount of space your friendship occupies in your life should grow over time.� (1)
• Fellowship� Share your Faith and your passion for God with each other. After all isn't that what we do as a Church? The Body? Pray together! Teach each other about God! Help each other to grow spiritually. (See Ecclesiastics 4:9-12;1 Samuel 23:16;Psalm 119:63) While doing this it is important to stay within spiritual boundaries, remember the main goal is to exemplify and glorify God! It is important for you and your partner to reflect daily to ensure that these areas along with other areas are not being compromised. Ephesians 6:6 tells us to do the will of God from our hearts; therefore, your focus should be God Centered not Self-Centered; Furthermore, you should not be using this time of fellowship for your own "selfish" benefits; however, I would encourage you to take advantage of the opportunity to gain knowledge and revelations about Christ from someone else as well as make the most of the opportunity to pour, encourage, challenge, and help someone else grow and go higher in Christ. This way you will Edify and Glorify God and ALL that he is. (Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.)
• Romance��Growing in romance should take place only when friendship and fellowship are deepening. The essence of pure romance is pursuit�a man showing through his words and appropriate actions his care, affection, and sincere love for a woman and the woman responding in kind.� (1) During the course of the book Author Joshua Harris also explains how it is important to tell the truth about the romance. Furthermore, during the course of courting each person should be accurate about his/her feelings, be aware of his/her emotions and motivations as well as the driving force behind those motivations. While it's important to be aware of the factors listed above it's also important to know how to communicate them honestly to your courtship partner. (Ephesians 4:25--Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. Also see Zechariah 8:16)
• Engagement�WAIT!Before you jump into engagement first and foremost make certain that this is a union that glorifies God and that God himself has ordained. There are several things that need to be considered here: How do I know that this person is the right one for me? Can I spend the rest of my life with this person? Why? Did I seek the Kingdom for these answer(s)? I would encourage you as well as your courtship partner to really ponder on these questions and several others before you decide to take the big plunge. As the man is the initiator, he should make certain that his desire to ask the woman's hand in marriage lines up with the WILL OF GOD. His decision should reflect the relationship, furthermore, it should be in tune with the rest of the relationship. The woman plays a big part in the decision as well and her input/reflection should not be neglected during this process. *Proverbs 19:8��He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding prospers.�*Proverbs 17:24--�A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool's eyes wander to the ends of the earth.�*Proverbs 9:10-- "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.�*Proverbs 3:13��Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding� In all that you do get an understanding and make sure that you have discerned if what you are seeking after is truly what God has for you. Be Blessed and I wish you God's Best on your engagement

Marriage is not a destination it's a JOURNEY, therefore, invite GOD to the MARRIAGE and not just the Wedding Day.