Dating: Why Laying a Strong Foundation is Important

Questions and Answers:

1.) What do you wish you would have known about marriage? Dating? Relationships in general?

ANSWER: The importance of counsel (speaking with people that value in wisdom and experience) The right questions to ask about marriage...what people wish they knew about the depth of commitment in marriage. The right questions to ask about engagement...recommendation for long or short time prior to marriage...keeping it pure especially when you believe you are with the person you will marry. Family and kids...how does that change the dynamics of your personal relationship with the one you love (husband, etc) -Shannon

ANSWER: I wished I'd known in the beginning that marriage, dating and relationships in general are all about hard work and commitment (even if you are only dating there should be a certain level of commitment). When I was younger and single, I thought once you were in love everything would be perfect that if you had to work hard you were not in love. I have now learned that because you are in love you have to work hard. Also, I learned the value and importance of being friends first in your relationship when you are friends first, it gets you through all the hard times easier because you appreciate each other and you learn how to communicate. �Felecia

ANSWER: I wish I would have known that it is very hard to maintain a healthy/Godly relationship with someone on a day-to-day bases. I wish I would have known that your committed must be strong and the responsibly of supporting someone else is until death. I wedding is one day, however, a marriage is a lifetime loyalty. �Lisa

ANSWER: Pay Attention to family. The Apple does NOT fall far from the tree. The purpose of dating is not love, it is marriage! You are checking out this potential partner as Mr. Or Mrs. Too many people look the other way. They think they can change people�and you can ONLY CHANGE YOURSLEF! -Yvonne

2.) What advice would you give to couples entertaining marriage? Dating?

ANSWER: Communicate...get to know that person (what are their passions, what do they want to do, where do they want to go...can you walk on that path with them, do you share that passion or does your ministry for God take you in a different direction?) Establish physical boundaries immediately after initiating to exclusively date...be real with yourself...determine which embraces are appropriate and consider your love for God as a motivational factor in all of this. Someone else should know your boundary list so they can ask you questions about how you are doing in light of your commitment to each other and God in dating. Don't date a person that doesn't inspire you, if they can't demand your obedience to Christ they are a hindrance to your transformation and purpose. God doesn't want us to be comfortable, complacent, and lazy. He wants us to be disciples to follow hard after him. Be in a community of accountability, family and friends that see your interactions with your significant other and can give you insight, wisdom, and warning. Be secure in Christ individually so you do not look for this person to fulfill a part of your heart that only God can. Follow God's leading more than what you want (Luke 42:22)...certainly that person is God's and not yours. If God says release him or her...release them and don't put any stipulations to your obedience...("Lord's its been two months so I think I can..."). See where God takes you in Him. Learn how to forgive, renew your mind, and not compromise his growth in you. II Cor 10:5 Try not to fantasize...stay present to the moment. Your relationship should not be a secret you accountability partners should know what is going on. You should have others (typically parents) you talk to about you apprehensions, or excitements, etc. Be careful not to share too much with casual friends...protect their emotions by being wise in what you share...share only what will edify them. Know what love is in terms of the bible. Know that it is patient, selfless, truthful, etc. I Cor 13. And don't limit your discover of love to just your boy/girlfriend. God says if we are faithful to the little He will make us faithful to much...are we currently faithful to our other relationships? Are we demonstrating love to our friends, family, strangers. Make time for other friends and your family. Keep the relationship balanced by other relationships that are essential to your growth as well. -Shannon

ANSWER: I think couples should not be in a rush to label their relationship they should get to know each other as friends and enjoy that before they think of anything else. They should be honest and always remember to treat others as they want to be treated especially the person they are married to or dating. Couples wanting to get married should be friends and lovers. They should know the value of themselves individually and as a couple. They should enhance each other. Above all they should do what works for them and not accept interference from family and friends. �Felecia

ANSWER: Dating? My advice would be to never lose you. God brought unity between two people, however, you are still individuals and God wants to continue to use each person to build his kingdom. Also, I would advice them not to make each other a possession. �Lisa

ANSWER:
1.) Are your values compatible? (I.e.�Faith, Drinking, smoking) My mother told my father that she would quit smoking when they married. They were married 24 years when my father died; she still smokes 29 years later!

2.) Are your goals compatible? (I.e. Do you plan to keep working or does he want a stay at home wife. Sometimes men are okay with women working before they have children, but not after! ASK QUESTIONS!!!!)

3.) Does this person compliment me (NOT COMPLETE you�you should be complete on your own) DOES THIS PERSON

4.) What his/her finances like? Does he/she have bad credit or are they an investor? Do not be fooled by a nice car house. To many people are over extended and APPEAR as though they have it all together.-Yvonne

3. Add any helpful insight, such as books, scriptures, experience based knowledge, etc that you would wish to share.

ANSWER: Talk to older women if you are woman an older men if you are man. (Titus 2)God wants us to be wise in what we do. Basically, we don't have to make the same mistakes that they did. This means we will have to be sincere and vulnerable...in other words let go of the pride so we can hear God and not trust in our own understanding. Proverbs 3:5&6 �Shannon

ANSWER: My helpful tool would be to read the bible and scripture based books. Sometimes books can be misunderstood because of ones opinion. The book that I suggest is �The Power of a Praying Wife, by Stormie Omartian.
�Lisa

ANSWER: Dating: Pray, be honest, and true to yourself. Don�t start something you DON�T plan to keep up. If you aren�t going to open her door when you get married, don�t do it when you are dating.

Considering Marriage: Why? Really, Why? Are you doing it because it is what you are supposed to do or because you love this person? Marriage is work! You have to selfish people coming together under one roof trying to love each other. Reason most marriages fail is that people don�t believe in COMPRIMSING, FORGIVING, and PRAYER!

Hebrews 13:4 says "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." -Yvonne