Dating: Why Laying a Strong Foundation is Important

13 Components...

1.Community Not Isolation��Community involves the physical and spiritual family to which the couple is connected to�the community of people who witness, affirm, protect, and celebrate their love.� (1) Not only does the community provide the couple with the services listed above, some members of the community should serve as accountability partners, aiding the couple in their pure pursuit of a relationship that models Christ�which means NO COMPROMISING! �The Community provides reality.� (1) �Proverbs 15:22 (NIV)��Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.�

2.Communication�Good communication and good communication skills help in building a strong relationship. �Be not deceived: evil communication corrupts good manners.� (KJV) Communication is not just verbal, but it�s non-verbal; it�s important to express ourselves non-verbally wisely. How couples communicate will affect several things, how information is shared, how they fellowship, and how they resolve problems/conflicts when they arise. (2) Communicate wisely the words in which we speak give meaning to how we really feel. �But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.��Matthew 15:18 (NASB) Furthermore, be careful not to ignore what is in your heart, it�s best to be open and honest with your mate about how you feel�when you feel it�(See Ephesians 4:15)

3.Care-Frontation Not Confrontation�Care-Frontation consist of humility, forgiveness, patience, active and reflective listening as well as absence of anger. (2) �A man�s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.� �Proverbs 19:11 (NIV) At times you may have to overlook your partner�s offenses to resolve issues, furthermore, operating daily in the GRACE and MERCY that your Father has given to you.

4.Boundaries (Physical and Emotional)��Boundaries serve two important functions. First, they define us and second they protect us.� (3) Be realistic about what you hope to gain from the friendship�courtship.

5.Be Open About Your Past�Just like God forgave you, it�s important to extend the same forgiveness to your mate when the times comes for them to share his/her past. Sometimes we have to reflect back on our past to get us where we are going, however, we don�t have to dwell on it. "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.� �Isaiah 43:18 (NIV) (also see Isaiah 43:26; 43:17-19)

6.Stay in the Moment�Remember courtship is to determine whether God intended for you to get married, furthermore, fantasizing about the future may only hurt you. (1)

7.Forgive�A successful marriage is one that is characterized by a forgiving heart and a recognition on the part of both the husband and wife that they need forgiveness as well. (4) �Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.��1 Peter 4:8 (NIV) (also see Song of Solomon 5)

8.Listen�"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry.��James 1:19 (NIV) I found that when I practice this scripture I learn more and I get in less trouble!

9.God Centered Not Self-Centered��Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men��Ephesians 6:7 (NIV) In all you do it should be to Glorify God�yes, even your relationship!

10.Court with a Purpose�Philippians 2:13��For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.� (NIV) Philippians 2:2 �then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.� Know why you are courting? Be honest with yourself!

11.Pace!-- All things must be done in decency and order. Make sure that you are moving at God�s pace and not your own. �It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.�-- Proverbs 19:2 (NIV) You�re making an investment just like any other friendship, while investing you should maintain the priorities of the courtship; therefore, not rushing into any premature emotions or physical intimacy. (1)

12.Compliment Not Complete�This person should complement what God has already completed in you. Do you look to this person to fulfill needs or voids? If you do, this is not a healthy relationship; God is the source of ALL things. �No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.��1 John 4:12 (NKJV)

13.Honesty��Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.� �Proverbs 12:19 (NIV) Proverbs 12:19 shows us that truth last FOREVER, lies only for a moment.

(1). Boy Meets Girl�Joshua Harris

(2). Joyce Meyer; Volume 20, Number 2, February 2006

(3). Making Dating Work BOUNDARIES in Dating�Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

(4). Bible: New Century Version (Study Edition)