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| recent LEE |
| Cyberia |
| Tracking and defining ME |
| Reality |
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And back we came to our lives, and the love I felt compounded and I looked for some miraculous way to draw our worlds and lives closer seeking a way to have and live what we felt what had been confirmed in out meeting and the pain of our parting. My real life went to hell with Dopey's treachery and soothing the pain in my children's lives caused by my flight and settling everyone and righting effects of my wrong choices...and doing the right thing by everyone as I always have to the exclusion of myself. My health detonated and I realised how short life can be. Mike's wife found out about us and strung his balls on the christmas tree...what I didn't know was that he had other close relationships... and by this time I was in love alone. Yet still he could not let go. The hell mike built for himself in guilt... I can see clearly now the seeds of why he finally ended us... and my life emptied, and I became again an empty dry shell seared and cauterised inside. We had a final three days...and I entered a living death. My own living silence. |
And in my diary. I also tell the story of mikes betrayal of me and our love. In the aftermath our our meeting and the leaving of each other he flung himself into cyber distraction to alleviate the very real pain. I did not know this at the time...but my instincts told me... and every time I raised the feeling something was NOT right he denied it. I did not know that mike has known only one way to maintain a relationship in real life by denial and lying. And he lied to me. I became Neriellie and trapped him in another Chatroom...he chatted me up...I had the evidence I needed and I told him I was walking away from HIM and us because I would not let him destroy the only beauty I had ever known. I was taking it and me away before that...he would not let me leave...and I gave him chance after chance...believeing...what did not exist. He did not believe he was worthy, but one is NOT worthy of love, we do NOT deserve.. love is a gift and a torment... and worth dying for. He loved me for a time. I know what love trully is, now.. and someone touched me in love. |
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