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| recent LEE |
| Cyberia |
| Tracking and defining ME |
| Reality |
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| mikes_gerl |
To survive the desolation in my world I flung myself headlong into work... working back to back shifts and jobs. I provided financially for my own as I always have and every spare minute I reached for "mike" for I lived ONLY there...near him; around him. We talked by phone daily... and met... in meeting and leaving HAVING to return to lives that contained innocent others. I began to reach for hopes and dreams where I should have known better.... we both ached to live out what love rippled through us like sunlight across a glassy winter lake. I learned so much about myself... and began to look at myself and ask why this man could touch me like this....ask myself why I should give myself so wholly and totally.. knowing I would have to pay the piper, knowing I built for myself a future of pain... yet I regret NOTHING. We dared to love in real and in another world... deeply... and I know love exists... The touch of his hands...the look in his eyes haunt me even now.... |
And one day into a chatroom and into my life...one very boring Saturday came one man...using the generic name mike and brought with him love and life when I was certain I was safely dead. And we dared he and I. We dared. We loved. Out of love, and because MsMousie had so many wannabees, I renamed myself mikes_gerl. I believed the committment was equal. What unfolded I have chronicled in my diary. I was seeing someone casually. he flew into my city on business and when he was here we met, we enjoyed each others company...and played physically. Rob came to town...mike knew I would not be home... Rob and I enjoyed dinner...and instead of staying with Rob, I ended for once and all our relationship. I knew I loved mike. I came home. I could not bear the thought of anyone else touching me. And mike and I had never met flesh to flesh, yet this was love and cumsumed me in ways I did not know one could feel. I was not safely dead...I lived and beautifully. The Dairy tells it all. |
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