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| recent LEE |
| Cyberia |
| Tracking and defining ME |
| Reality |
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This marraige to Dopey was death by Internet. It did not take long to realise that aside from sex there was nothing we could share never mind talk about - it became a destructive round of HE didn't keep his word and when I found he hated me logging onto the net...I would repay him by spending every free minute in Cyberia. I would climb into bed and as soon as he slept creep away into this world to crawl back in JUST before he awoke. My communication, my soul lived not with him... that was JUST a shell. One day Dopey came home after ringing me every 20 minutes telling me he would be there soon.... and he waltzed in making a hundred excuses as to why it was important for ME he stayed drinking with his cousins and I JUST looked at him without a word at 3am...and he grabbed me by the neck and pinned me against the wall... I came to on the cold tiles... and curled into a ball. I packed a duffle bag and a briefcase and walked away from my life the next day believing my only value was the money I supplied... |
The default chat name in the first chatroom I found online was Anonymous which I wore the first few times sitting quietly wondering how people related...marvelling at what seemed like close friendships and developing a longing to belong. Anonymous became Mousie and then MsMousie, The BourbonStreetBar Mousie at geochat. That was me. Ariadne now married to Bacchus in Texas...Kheldar now Lost in Scotland... Freja, the Scalded Cat, SuSie to name but a few some still cornerstones of who I have learned to love and reclaim. Myself. MsMousie was fun..but the person behind her was really totally false. I was told that online you could be anyone you wanted to be so I developed a fun persona who mucked about and acted up and brought laughter and fun as my real life went to hell. When the marraige detonated MsMousie disappeared for several months and returned to find the bar no more and within 24 hours discovered her old friends in webnautics. And ended up a CM..... |
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