| The Teenage Guide To Popularity |
1ne: - If you walk into a room & every person in it, doesnt want to have sex with you, you should be dead. - No one likes you. Because you're ugly. - Inorder to be accepted you must put out. This is right. - Be in with the in crowd. - Know what the in crowd knows. - Be in with the in crowd. - Go where the in crowd goes. - Watch classic 80's movies such as Weird Science, Sixteen candles and Better Off Dead. - Mimic the behavior of the young lanky nerds. But when the time comes betray your loved ones for the false love and admiration of the masses. - Have beautiful long shiny hair. If not you might as well have a penis.. - If you are a man with long hair. Cut it. The 80's and 70's are gone no matter what the E! channel tells you. - Watch MTV everyday. Pay close attention to Carson's breathing pattern. Slowly make this pattern your own. - Blink when Carson blinks. - You must only date hot chicks or hot guys even if you yourself look like Janet Reno crossed with a sickly pit bull. - And when you see Johnny Football hero in the hall tell him he played a great game, tell him you liked his article in the newspaper |
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| I see through you. It's time to upgrade from that false "happy to be an out cast" persona. Follow these three easy steps and you too will be in with the in crowd. |
| 2wo: - Being attractive is the most important thing there is. - Wear low cut tops and high cut skirts. - Your breasts, legs, back and torso must be visible at all times. - If you're not blonde you are below us. your skin is dirty and you are a heathen among people. (the above does not include dirty blondes. the carpet MUST match the drapes.) - Wear make-up at all times, this includes when you're going to bed, in the shower and especially when you're washing your face. - Only wear make-up you see endorsed by pop musicians turned actresses. - Crush all who oppose you. - Steal from your parents to pay for it. Get a pimp and start hooking. Steal from your pimp as well. - If you're flat chested there's something wrong with you. - Seek plastic surgery to create this you ungodly abomination. - Failure to do so will result in unpopularity ... which inevitably leads to nerdism which leads to death - Stop doing homework or work any sort for that matter. - Do not under any circumstances read anything that doesnt have pictures of a thin and monsterously gorgeous people on the cover that makes you wish you were disembowled and had your entrails set on fire while still attached to you. 3hree: - Giggle |
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