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Disorder in the Court The following are things that have actually been said in court: Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? The following are actual headlines that have appeared in newspapers & magazines all over the world. They're quite funny.... 1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies 2. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says 3. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers 4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 5. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case 6. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope 9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 10. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands 11. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms 12. Eye Drops Off Shelf 13. Teachers Strike Idle Kids 14. Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead 15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe 16. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told 17. Miners Refuse To Work After Death 18. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant 19. Stolen Painting Found By Tree 20. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter 21. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years 22. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One 23. War Dims Hope For Peace 24. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While 25. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures 26. Deer Kill 17,000 27. Enfields Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide 28. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge 29. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 30. Man Struck By Lightening Faces Battery Charge 31. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group 32. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft 33. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 34. Chef Throws His Heart In Helping Feed Needy 35. Arson Suspect Held In Massachusetts Fire 36. Ban On Soliciting Dead In Trotwood 37. Local High School Dropout Cuts In Half 38. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies 39. Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors |
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