Computers are Like Women...
*No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
* The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
* Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
* As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it�s wrong
*In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
*They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
*They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
*As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
*They hear what you say, but not what you mean.

A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last paycheck.
�This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,� he said.
�I know,� the employer said. �But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.�

�Well, I don�t mind an occasional mistake,� the worker answered,
�But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.�

A woman went to her doctor�s office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room,
she burst out screaming and ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, �What�s the matter with you?
Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?�
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.
�Cured her hiccups though, didn�t it?�

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to show off and went out walking with one of the hired hands.
Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation:
�Say, look at that big bunch of buffalos.� The hired hand replied, �Not �bunch� but �herd�.�
�Heard what?�
�Herd of buffalos.�
�Sure, I�ve heard of buffalos. There�s a big bunch of �em right over there.�

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence
He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, �How high do you think they�ll go?�
The kangaroo said, �About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!�

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, �Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn�t pay for your sandwich!�
The panda yells back at the manager, �Hey man, I�m a PANDA! Look it up!�
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: �A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.�