Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink, Thy will be drunk,
At home as in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us,
and lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer, The bitter and the lager, Forever and ever,

Arthritis A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk�s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading---a couple of minutes later he asked the priest, �Father what causes arthritis�? �Mister, it�s caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women,too much alcohol and contempt for your fellow man�. �Well I�ll be damned�, the drunk muttered and returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he said turned to the man and apologised. �I�m sorry, I didn�t mean to come on so strong---how long have you had arthritis�? �I don�t, father, I was just reading in the paper that the Pope has it�.

Joe enters the confessioal and tells the prist that he has committed

adultery.The prist says,Oh no,was it with Marie Brown?.Joe says I�d

rather not say who it was with. The prist says, Was it with Betty Smith?

Joe says I�d rather not say,�

So the prist gives him absolution and Joe leaves.While leaving the church

Joe friend asks if he recieved absolution.Joe says,Yes,and two very good

leads!�

A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer and she asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass the female he told her to enter �PENIS�. Without blinking or saying a word she entered the password. She almost died laughing at the computer�s response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONGENOUGH

When a man attempted to siphon petrol from a motor home parked on a Port Macquarie street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal petrol and plugged his hose into the motor home�s sewage tank by mistake. He had tried to siphon the petrol by first sucking it up the hose. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he�d ever had.

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says

nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: �No use knocking� mate, there�s no paper in this one either.�