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04.18.2001 - Thursday All I have to say is that you all scare me and you have way too much time on your hands. Please, for the sake of human-kind, go out and do something with your lives. -Annoyed- I remember seeing through the eyes of a child �once upon a time�, and through those eyes seeing the world as it was given to me. Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. All these things were real to me. As I worked last Friday, I realized just how my world has changed now that I see though all new eyes. The world is a lot darker. I worked for 5 hours last Friday, and nothing happened. I have a black cat. It crossed my path many times. Working at the store, I walked under ladders, and yes, I even saw someone brake a mirror. I laughed sooo hard, for last Friday was the 13th. yes, Friday the 13. As I look with my new found sight, I realize that it isn�t the monster in the closet, the boogie man under the bed, the man with an ax in the back seat, or even the dark day or Friday the 13th that I should be afraid of, it�s the guy standing behind me right now with a gun that I should be afraid of. HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13th EVERYBODY!!!!. Cycho March is such a pitiful month. Well, when it comes to holidays it does. You have Valentines day in February, and Easter in April. Those are two tough holidays to come in between. Love and Christ's resurrection! But it is a comfort to know that at the beginning of this bleak and boring month, I can look outside my window and see those little leprechauns of joy running from house to house, singing and skipping as they go along. That�s right guys. Its Girl Scout Cookie time! Finally, those cookies we have been waiting all of February for have come. God, it feels like such a long time. You know, in between all of those chocolates and candy hearts that is. This year as been a record! My mom bought 15 boxes of cookies this year. From FOUR different girls. Its crazy. She must be addicted to them. Usually they are gone in like 2 days. But FIFTEEN BOXES! Those should last at least till Friday. Hopefully. I even stored a box of 'em in my car. Now when I walk out into my car after work I can treat myself to a nice frozen cookie. Ahhhhh! Bliss! --Bubbles-- Most people who are reading this now are probably in school and might possibly feel as strong about this as I do. Everyone has heard of the kid who died at the U of M. This incident shows exactly how people think of college kids. Drunk, stoned, and stupid. When that kid died what was everyone's reaction? Drinking! They didnt even have the autopsy done yet. Drinking! Next day its all over the newspapers. I think 20/20, Maury, and Sally were already working up more shows about college binge drinking. Parents wrote letters to kids away at college begging them to read about the kid that died drinking, so they can sleep knowing that their precious college baby is OK. Little does she know that her son is using her letter to roll a joint. Then what happens? Oh! He died 'cause he fell off his bunk! The media jumped to conclusions before they had and hard facts and blew the situation WAY out of proportion. Drinking! Once they found out it wasnt alcohol that killed him, did we hear anything else? HELL NO! Cracked skulls dont sell newspapers. Drunk kids sell newspapers. And Drunk Chicks sell videos such as "College Girls Exposed" and "College Girls Gone Wild." $19.95 + S/H! Not available in stores. Mike? Do you have a job yet? --Bubbles-- I was lying on my bed one afternoon, watching the television. A learning channel show came on about the "military's best kept secrets". DAMNIT if its on tv ITS abvously not a good secret! Being in the AirForce I know that there is information out there that is best kept from the public eye for many reasons. Take for instance Area 51, it is a top secret aviation test ficility. People see strange things flying around in sky all the time around the area. Thats because its a test range! Most people dont know that over half of Nevada airspace is a no-fly zone for commercial flights. Because thats where the military conducts there RED-FLAG operations. For those who don't know what a REG-FLAG is, I am not going to tell you, HAHA look it up! What would happen if some idiot reporter found out about a bunch of top secret airplane projects. He would goto CNN and BLAB it to the rest of the nation. WELL guess what people, our ENEMIES have CNN TOO! SPEAKING of CNN, if I ever get shot down and end up missing. When CNN comes around to interview my friends and family, you better not talk to them at ALL. The enemy can be watching that and get all the information they need to know who I am. To end this rant, I just want to say don't take this country for granted, I risk my life for all of you to live freely. Respect that. --Jensen-- Ever notice how shows nowadays always seem to have some kind of warning on them? LIke on SOuth Park, and Celebrity death match, they some fucked up warning. Ever wondered why? Well, tonight a minnesota boy demonstrated to the world why television shows have those stupid warnings. The stupid kid, after watching Jackass, or thinking about Jackass, or jacking off thinking about jackass cause he is obssessed with it.... POURED GASOLINE ON HIMSELF AND LIT HIMSELF ON FIRE!! ON FIRE PEOPLE!! What was he going to do? Grill steaks for the family? "Hey MA!! How do ya like your steaks?" What is wrong with kids today? Do they learn nothing in school? TELEVISION ISNT REAL! Well, except for FRiends, cause we all know how real that show is! What kind of FUCKED up kids are we raising that go and light themselves on fire cause the funny man in the TV did it. I fear for society! These kids are getting older. That means they are going to watch porno. Then they are all going to go around and have a bunch of kids cause the cool pornstars dont wear condoms. AHHHHHH!!! Too many stupid people. All around me. AHHHHH! --Bubbles-- I am distressed! Outraged! I am a concerned citizen worried about the future of our country. Everyday children are being put to sleep at night by their parents reading them a bedtime story. More over, a fairy tale. And who are the famous storyteller? That right! The Brothers Grimm. I know what you are saying. "They are just fairy tales." Fairy tales my ass. I have the real versons of those famous fairy tales. And they are FUCKED UP! All this happy ever after shit has been thrown out the window. I've read stories where everyone dies. There are stories where a girl is laid down in a box lined with sharp nails and dragged around the village behind horeses till she died. I've read of enchanted frog princes being thrown against the wall by an angered princess. Oh did I mention that the Grimm brothers were on acid? In another storie there are three drips of blood on a hankercheif that talk. TALK dammit! Horses that talk, and the same horse that also talks after being decapatated and had it's head hung on a gate. There are wells that have no end, and wells that transport you to a beautiful meadow, which leads to a talking apple tree, which leads to a house that has a waterfall of gold outside of the door as you leave. These stories are supposed to help kids sleep at night? I dont know. I dont know man! I have a hard time sleeping after reading these myself. --Bubbles-- Well, since no one seems to want to get online to talk with me anymore, I am going to waste space on your email account. Ever sat back and pondered an idea? I have. I often ponder the existence of the zuccinni. I mean, its not a pretty veggie like a tomato, or symetric like a cuccumber, and it sure as hell doesnt taste as good as apple pie. Why do we spend so many hours of our life growing and eating zuccinni. It is a hairy, green, and often disproportionate vegetable. EWWWW!! GROSS! You dont eat soup that has a hair in it. You dont eat bread that grows its own hair. Hell, most people cant even deal with their own hair. Why must be get intoduce another kind of hair. DONT WE HAVE ENOUGH??? So, anyways! What do you know about drywall? --Bubbles-- Now, most of you know that I'm a holiday freak. But, since I've moved away from my friends, and a good portion of my family, I've missed out on some of those great holiday traditions that we all know and love. Even though, I live with my sister and brother, as most of us still do, or some kind of roommate, thereof, I have compiled a list of the best to-dos to shake that "holiday happiness." Happy End of the Season, and I wish you all the merriest of this debacled way to spread the peace and joy throughout the world by means of capitalism and the best of gift-getting. 1. Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder and thrash on the floor. 2. Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get off. 3. Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it. 4. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, "Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..." 5. Hang a stocking with your roommates name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. If s/he asks, say "you've been very naughty this year." 6. Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in on the reindeer games. 7. Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (i.e. "You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistle-toe last night.") 8. Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in the snow. 9. Sing: "All I want for Christmas is my roommate's two front teeth..." 10. Build a snowperson with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When it doesn't come to life, cry hysterically "it didn't work!" 11. Whip your roommate screaming "now Dasher, now Dancer, now Donner, and Blitzen, etc." 12. Tear down all your roommate's Christmas decorations yelling "Bah Humbug!" 13. Wake up every morning screaming "Ghost of Christmas Future, please have mercy on my soul!" 14. Tell your roommate you're moving out. Santa's buying you a house on 34th Street. 15. Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts first. (most of you, I know, will enjoy this one) 16. Ring jingle bells maniacally saying "every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings." 17. Stand in front of the mirror reciting "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" over and over in your underwear. 18. Smoke mistle-toe. Do what comes naturally. 19. Steal a life size nativity scene and display it in your room. When your roommate asks, tell him/her "I had to let them stay here, there's no room at the inn." 20. When your roommate goes to the bathroom, rearrange his/her possessions. Tell him/her that Santa's elves must have done it. And now!!! VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sidebar: If you've read this whole thing...beg pity on me, it's early in the morning, and I haven't slept in years.... night all.....come dasher, come dancer, and prancer, and Nixon, on comet, and cupid....oiy. --Flower-- Boyhood Tales I once knew a kid named Mike Richards. He lived right across the street from me, and he had the Sega channel, so I let him tell people I was his friend. Anyhow, every time I slept over at his house, he would wake me up in the middle of the night and stick his finger in my butt. After about three or four encounters of this, I tried telling his parents. They just laughed and fed me candy. I decided to take matters in to my own hands. The next time I slept over, I pretended to go to sleep. Then, while Mike was distracted with his uncontrolled masturbating, I filled my anus with super glue. Much like the previous evenings, I once again had my midnight encounter with his finger in my butt-hole. Mike was quite surprised when he tried to pull his stinky appendage back out, only to find that it was stuck with sticky glue. I leapt up and dragged Mike by his finger (in my butt) into his parent�s bedroom to prove to them what horrors were taking place. I flipped on the lights in their chambers and exclaimed, "Behold, thy son is a crazy-finger-fucking-maniac!" The mom and pop that lay before me cast a very puzzled look, "What are you talking about!?" they both replied. The dad looked pretty pissed, "We don�t have a son, and WHY IN THE HELL are you naked in our bedroom with your finger in your ass!?" he barked out. That is when I looked around to see that there was no Mike at all. Since that day I have been living in a box in the sewers. I drink gutter water and eat feces to survive. I miss Mike. --general jesus-- |
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