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04.23.2001 - Tuesday Maxim for May 2001  I love this magazine. I never realize how much until I see this curled up at the back of my mail box, and I run to my room to read it. Again, this month's issue is amazing. The cover girl featured this month is Eliza Dushku, the nemesis on Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. I must say that I would let her sink her teeth into my neck! There is only one other featured woman in this issue, Jolene Blalock, who I have never heard of, but she is apparently going to star in a new miniseries called Diamond Hunters. There is also a really cool interview with Korn's lead singer, Jonathan Davis that is a really good read. Unlike the last issue, this one is filled with hilarious articles. I laughed my ass off at this issue, get it now. This months top 3 most interesting articles were: How To, We Have To Talk, and the best section, 100 Things To Do Before You Die. I also had to add to the top 3 sections a fourth section, for the fellas and the ladies, Panty Parade, a section everyone could benefit from. Overall, I must give this issue a 7.8, the women in this issue are sub-par for Maxim, but every fucking article kicked ass, so it brought the score way up. Enjoy everyone. This girl, I have never heard of before. Not being a big fan of Buffy I did not recognize her. But none the less, she is a hottie. A very nice body, and that is what Maxim is known for. The photography is by Dominick Guillemot, and the interview is conducted by Paul Young. There is 15 pictures of her including the cover, a lot, but 9 pics are smaller, and all on one page. The disappointing part is that all the pics are taken in a red padded room, there is no other pictures of her at any other site, except 2 pics of her with just some weird lighted background. All in all a disappointing shoot. The one thing I recognized she was in was True Lies, she was Arnold's little girl. Look for her in the upcoming movie, The New Guy."RUB HER THE RIGHT WAY" This is always a funny section of this magazine, but this month's was the greatest. It shows ways to massage her on those... other areas. No, not that, you sick bastard. I am talking about scalp, flanks, sacrum, kneepit, ears, pulse points, toes, and inner thigh rubbing. A seriously good article with those of us with a woman to take care of. Why the hell did I like the article then? That is not a rhetorical question. :( The other notable "How To's" are How To Get Drunk In Prison, where they teach you how to make booze with average prison tools; and How To Build an Origami Boulder, where you can learn how to properly crumple up a piece of paper. "Speak Easy" Any of you guys ever hear those frightening words? Make you panic? If you are a straight man, and said no to both of those questions, you are either lying or gay. Well, this section tells you how to react to questions like, "Where is our relationship going?" or, "Do you think we should move in together/get married?" So when you hear them next, you will be prepared to answer correctly! Yah, you heard me, answer correctly. That is worth more then money. "Risky Business" I must have laughed a total of 20 minutes at this article. It is about exactly what is says, How to make the best out of your life before you die. Some favorites of mine were: Make Mike Tyson flinch when he's old and punch drunk. Jell-o wrestle Britney Spears. Pick up a piece of road kill with a stick and chase a child with it. Go into a gun store and ask the guy, "What do you recommend for teaching someone a lesson?" And Jell-o wrestle Britney Spears, again. This issue is worth the money just for this article, so either buy your own, or go into a store, and read it there. Because you can't borrow mine. "Pantypalooza" This was just great. Just a bunch of pictures of women in underware. Oh, and I guess they rate the sexiness and wearability at the end or something. Hey, did I mention the girls in panties? Seriously though, a really good article showing some sexy, and mildly expensive, underwear that you can make your man buy. Hell, I would buy all of this just to see you in it baby! [Writers Note: That last statement was referring to only women that do not take offence to that statement ~J ] Thats all for this month, let me know what you thought of this issue too, I would post it! PROMICE!
Jackass
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9:54 P.M.
03.25.2001 - Sunday Maxim for April 2001  Well happy birthday to me. My birthday is April, and this month's Maxim was, as always, quite impressive. The cover girl was Ali Larder, the actress in Varsity Blues that displayed the whipped-cream bikini in all its glory. The other women in this issue with photos are: Sara Spraker, a cover girl supermodel, and Patricia Velasquez, the leading women in The Mummy and The Mummy Returns. The top 3 most interesting articles in this issue are: Reeducation, Unsafe Sex, and Maxim Wear. Oh, and there is a picture of Saddam Hussein playing Playstation on page 54. Overall, I give this issue a rating of 7.5, the articles within aren't as impressive or as funny as I usually expect, but the extremely beautiful women in this issue make up for the lack of good articles. HEY! I DO LOOK AT THE ARTICLES!!! Wow. This girl is beautiful. That is really all that has to be said, but seeing as how I am supposed to review this magazine, I will say a bit more. Ali has 9 pics in this issue, not including the cover. The photography is done by Dominick Guillemot, and the interview is by Stephen Rebello. The interview is really interesting, for instance, the whipped cream bikini was actually shaving cream, and was put on by two very lucky women, says Larder. They go on talking about her upbringing and how she got into acting. Ali has starred in many films, and here they are: Varsity Blues (1998), House On Haunted Hill (1999), Final Destination (2000), and the upcoming film American Outlaws. "EVERYTHING YOU KNOW...IS WRONG" This article is really funny. It lists about 30 myths ranging from "Red wine is good for you." to "Women with pierced tongues give the best head." And then lists the truth of that Myth. So thanks to this article, I now know that if I ever get stung by a jellyfish, pissing on myself is for nothing. So now I can save myself the feeling of warm urine trickling down my leg. "Says Her" The name of this article made me think of unprotected sex, so I wasn't really sure what to expect. Well, I really don't know how to explain this article. I suppose this quote kind of sums it up: "Sometimes women want to be bent over and surpised with a raunchy good time." This is 3 pages of how and why you should surpise your woman with some "Unadultred raw sex." So get out the leather and the whip, and be ready so start slappin'. "Fight Night" This installation of "The coolest new clothes" features suits. It shows about 6 really quality, yet affordable suits. What makes this more interesting, is in every picture it shows the 2 suit models fighting, so rather then seeing how a suit looks when you will be standing, you can see how good the suit looks while you are kicking someone's ass. ~Jackass
Jackass
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4:54 P.M.
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