Jan 28, 2001, Sunday: Well, mentally I'm better. I hit a low point this weekend when I realized how unproductive I have been the last few months. I stepped on the scale and gained 2 more pounds and cried. I was off to such a good start and it seemed I was on my way to gaining my weight back. I just am tired and fed up. I'm throwing out all the crap out of my house, and I'm just going to do it. That's it. I'm also going to journal more because it really makes a difference. When I'm not updating my journal it seems as though I don't have to account to anyone or myself. I don't do as well. Well, I want to do well, and I am going to do well. I was almost too embarrassed to write today since I gained more weight. Well, I decided that that's bull, and I'm here to be honest. It's time to see the scale go down........there are so many beautiful things I want to do in life, and I can't achieve them carrying this extra weight. I want all out of life that I can get, and I'm not willing to wait anymore.
Jan 20, 2001, Saturday: Ugh. I've been having a rough couple of weeks. I haven't been doing well, and I've been unmotivated. I don't know what's wrong. Maybe it's adjusting to school. Life is good, but I feel overworked and overstressed. I want to lose the weight so badly, but I'm not putting in the work. Such a contradiction. I feel disappointed in myself, and I havent' wanted to write. It's as though I only want to write when I have good things to say. I feel like if I write something discouraging, then I will let down all my friends who read. I haven't had time to email people back, and I feel really bad for it. I promised to write back and I promised to update. I also promised new pics at the end of the month, and I will do everything I can to do so. I gained three pounds, and I don't want to play with this any more. I'm going to. I need to get my butt in gear. I may have some bad weeks, but I'm not quitting this. No way. No matter how hard this is, I will beat it. I may not be perfect, but I'm still hanging on. I will do this.
Jan 9, 2001, Tuesday: I lost 3 more pounds! I feel really good about myself. My husband and I took the day off to clean out our storage shed. Major exercise. I ate well all day, but I'm thinking I didn't eat enough. I got weak at the end of the evening and ended up eating a couple pieces of chocolate. My will power is still low, but I'm doing better overall. I did feel bad about the chocolate, but I didn't do my usual going nuts and binging episode and I'm really proud of myself.
Jan 3, 2001, Wednesday: I'm both happy and discouraged. My discouragement comes from realizing today how much I have put off doing in my life because of my weight. I was watching the travel channel and just started thinking of all the things I haven't done, but want to do. I know if I were thinner, I would be doing so much more in my life. I know it's ridiculous, but I know I'm not as happy as I'd like to be. My happiness comes from the fact that my husband and I talked, and we both decided to lose weight together. I'm really excited about it. I think it will be a really big help to have him on board with me. He's really proud of my 20 poundish weight loss, and he wants to support me more. He has about 70 pounds to lose himself, so I know we can do it together. We're going to attempt weight watchers. We have the information for it. Unfortunately, since I'll be working part-time now, we don't have the $80 per month for us to attend meetings, but it's a flexible program, so we are going to try if from home. We're going to give it a week and see how it goes. I think it will go well. Everyone has lots of positive things to say about it, so I think it will be good. I'll keep you posted.
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