"Right, now I'm sure this is what all you boomers have been waiting for, but this is where I get a whole page dedicated to me! However, as I'm not a selfish freckle, I'm going to give some back to you viewers and show you how to keep fit. I help out at the local sports centre and can often be seen jogging around Ramsey Street, even though it's not much of a circle."

Also, for all those interested, and well who isn't, as a fellow cobber, I'll let you know some details about my life, and perhaps give you a few pieces of gossip concerning things that go on 'behind the scenes' if you know what I mean.

Go on, give it a burl!"

Right, now it's my chance to tell you all about myself! I first arrived on Ramsey Street when I decided call on the Kennedy's looking for a place to stay. I had met their son Mal when I was travelling overseas and he told me that I would be welcome at his parents' house. Anyway, the stupid dill forgot to tell them I was coming, and so I felt rather awkward. After that incident, I settled well into Ramsey Street and currently lodge with Lance and Toady, and because of this, many weird things have happened.

One of the worst experiences of my life was when I went out with Karl for some reason I forget, and the ute we were in got trapped in the mud. I got out to push it up the backside to move it up the slope we were on, but I was too darn weak and got pushed back into the river. Unfortunately, the car fell on top of me, and I had to wait there for the next episode to begin, which was very painful. Luckily, Karl being a doctor (amongst other things I'd rather not say) was able to help a little. My knee was trapped, and the raging river was rising. I know most of you viewers wanted me to die, and so did I, so I could go and star in a pantomime somewhere, but instead I was given a snorkel to breath through. Luckily, I escaped from the incident alive (I've got amnesia and so forget how I got out, but it was probably totally unbelievable) although I injured my knee severely.

Because of my injury I couldn't do many things, especially to my girlfriend's, although my sport fitness suffered also. However, being unrealistic, natural processes healed me in an amazing amount of time and now I help out at the local sports centre.

As I'm sure you've all been waiting for, here's some 'behind-the-scenes' gossip that's been going around, although believe what you want you jumbucks!:

• All that barking in the mornings is when Joe sleeps with the wrong dog by accident, if you see what I'm saying.
• Human Nature, who played in front of me at the 'deb' are in fact aliens who based their human appearance on the thunderbirds. They were also originally Karl Kennedy's backing singers in his band.
• When I went scuba diving with Flick, I did a few things with the snorkel I shouldn't have.

That's all the space there is for my section unfortunately, but don't forget to check out the rest of the great website.

Bonzer!