"G'day! I've taked over from Joel for a while, just to tell YOU how to be cool like me! Below, I explain simply how to look in with it and attract attention from loads of birds out there.
I got a lot of tips from my ever popular cousin Toady, and also much information from the man himself Joel, but of course I've added my own unique touch.
If you have any questions on how to be cool, then just e-mail the Longueville Lads at the usual address, and they'll pass the message on to me!"
Cool Tip Number One:
The first thing you should do in the morning is to put on a nice vest, as this is sure to attract the females out there. You may have seen me a few months ago when I wore an attractive yellow vest on screen which was clearly several sizes too big. Boy, did that look good. To illustrate the type of thing you should wear, I've got my mate Paul McClain to help out:
Cool Tip Number Two:
Get D-J-ing at a top nightclub such as Hemisphere. When doing this, stay out late as many times as you like, since your parents or foster parents can easily be talked into not punishing you. Simply slip out when everyone's gone to bed, although when you come back, you can be guaranteed that someone will have got out of bed to go to the loo and will catch you in action.
Cool Tip Number Three:
To really impress the babes, go BMXing at the local allotments. That mix of superb bike action, and those great marrows will really get the juices going!
Cool Tip Number Four:
To become the ultimate cool man, listen to some music by a top quality band such as Battery Acid. It's important that the band use really bad words such as 'mongrel' and 'idiot' as then you'll be the envy of all your mates, and your parents will be upset. Again, try going out late at night to a gig by the band you have chosen, and why not take along some of your mates to really impress them?
("Yes, this really is them although the lead singer does look like Silv" - Tad)
