Delia Cross

Owen
Cross

The All Round Weirdo

Delia Cross

A Biography of

Dr. Delia Origano Owen Wellington Climbing Shoe
Paraflange Hardcastle Jones Cross Esq.


Dr. Delia was discovered as a baby floating in a clog in the river Severn. Having been rescued by a lobster trawler, he was shipped off to Tibet to be Christened by a Buddhist monk called Henry who then took in the young orphan and educated him in the ways of the Shandolin Hamster. Returning to Great Britain at the age of twelve, having gained a doctorate in a selection of nice things, Dr Delia broke into the St Christopher High Security Mental Hospital in order to study the inmates. Eventually he was captured by a warden and subsequently became an inmate himself. This suited Dr. Delia well, as she found the institute, in her own words, "Fluffy and Nice" (Cross, 1963, p. 6-209).


It was soon after this that Prime Minister Collins was able to capture and to some extent tame the wild and furry Doctor. Cross soon found his true calling within the Asylum movement, where he advertised rebellious and often lewd Elizabethan curiosities. Upon the departure of Colonel Evans, Cross' contribution to the newspaper increased and he soon became P.M. Collins' left hand man. A keen cook and a sharp cynic, Cross soon became a household name within the institute and other households in Letchworth, Stevenage, Luton, Addis Adiba and Southend. In 2001, Cross escaped from the Institute in the same manner as he had infiltrated it many years before. In the dead of night and wearing only a riding cloak and stilettos with his clog / cradle around his neck.


Cross is currently believed to be running a house of ill repute in the unwholesome suburbs of Leeds (commonly known as Bradford). He is in correspondence with Colonel Evans and Prime Minister Collins but rarely sends word due to his inability to write in any language other than Swahili. Importantly, Dr. Cross is quite, quite insane.


References

"Let's Biographise" (Smythe, Cuthbertson et al, 1987).

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