A Biography ofComrade John R W Collins MICE
Commander in Chief of the M25 and Northern Line.
John and his family have always been on the run, primarily because they all come from Northern Ireland.
As a fugitive in his childhood John has avoided the attention of the authorities by living in a large number of bizarre locations. Notable hideouts have included a tollbooth in an obscure West German forest, the chinchilla enclosure at Windsor Safari Park and a 1930s replica model of the Orient Express in a model village tucked away in one of the sleepy Home Counties.
By the early 1990s the police were closing in on the Collins family and so the family decided that they should scatter. His father fled to Bosnia-Herzegovina before returning a year later to hide underneath a rock near Stonehenge where he remains today. His mother, sister and brother fled to a Little Chef in a service station just off the M1 near Edgware and have since disappeared. John hid where he knew nobody would ever find him, in a Mental Asylum north of London code-named �St Christopher School�.
There Collins evaded the State�s attention for many years, but he made one crucial mistake. He infiltrated a rebellious group of students and set about destroying the reputations of countless staff of the said institution through mischievous reporting in an illegal newspaper. His antics drew attention to himself and he was forced to abscond once more. After hiding in a backward village in Northern Morocco for eight months, Collins was forced to escape (out of sheer boredom) to the UK where he now lives.
Latest reports suggest that he is leading a band of militant guerrilla road engineers who have recently taken the M25 hostage. Others recount that he has been sighted at Imperial College in London where he alleged to be secretly running a PPP contract for the Northern Line. The authorities wish to advise any members of the public who have seen Collins that they should report him immediately by dialling 0895 48 4950.
References:
�How to use your Panasonic NV-HD610 Home VHS Recorder�, (Muncaster, Roger)
�I am the Cheese� (Zdvradkovic, Jeremy)
