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"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." - Charles Darwin

Choose Your Reaction
Facts themselves are neutral. You do not have emotional reactions to facts. Your emotional reaction is always based on your subjective evaluation of any situation. When you evaluate something as negative, awful, tragic, or a misfortune, you will feel sad, depressed, miserable, angry, or full of anxiety. When you think that something does not affect you in any way and are apathetic to it, you will feel neutral. When you evaluate something as good for you, you will react with happiness and joy. It takes practice and effort, but ultimately the choice is yours. Today, try reacting to one "negative" thing with joy.
From Rabbi Pliskin's book: "Gateway to Happiness," p.53 See more Daily Lifts on "Happiness"

Jean-Paul Sartre summed up freedom with "Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you"

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish author and wit

"No company is preferable to bad. We are more apt to catch the vices of others than virtues, as disease is far more contagious than health." Charles Caleb Colton (1780-1832) Writer, author

"Our life is what our thoughts make it." Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (188-217)

"Grief thrusts us into a totally unfamiliar existence where we feel confusion, usually traced to our inability to control what has happened. Acceptance of our inability to control much of life—and allow it to unfold—is a major step forward".   -Lou LaGrande, writer

I once read an article by a British physician who said that, “Growing up is a series of mourning losses.” It made sense because as we get into our teens and beyond we have gone through so many losses in which our childhood imagination of what life is all about is constantly challenged by the real world.
However, I also would argue that in one sense all of life is a series of mourning losses, from birth to the big death. Loss experiences never seem to stop coming. Yet we always seem surprised when they occur, as though we were unlucky, or we did something wrong to have such a thing happen. And there is good reason for this: we are focused on life and living, as we should be....
We learn we cannot control everything. The illusion of control hurts deeply when reality shows the way life really is. The universe is on its own schedule; our plans are second. Grief thrusts us into a totally unfamiliar existence where we feel confusion, usually traced to our inability to control what has happened. Acceptance of our inability to control much of life—and allow it to unfold—is a major step forward....
We learn that resistance to the normal flow of grief (with its many ups and downs) and to life changes brings more suffering. We have to let change happen; we can’t stop it. We want our old life back but we can’t have it. It is necessary to go on to the next stage, wiser and more knowledgeable.
In summary, every loss experience is an opportunity to learn and find new meaning in existence. Life is all about meeting continuous change through renewal. We have to reinvent ourselves to meet the new conditions of life. In short, we are continuous works in progress, gaining from each transformation. For our part, we have to let it happen, refuse to resist, take advantage of the wisdom presented to us, and use the insight gained to become more complete persons. -- Lou LaGrande, writer

     Remember that narcissism is a personality disorder and narcissists' personalities are disordered: they don't make sense! They are not concerned with making sense and they are also impulsive, so you will waste your time trying to understand the details of every little thing they do.
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/howto.html

   There is a saying in the Buddhist tradition: 'You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.
   The Buddha said, "If you truly loved yourself, you would never harm another." Harming another is like harming ourselves. Buddhist psychology distinguishes between the force of guilt and the force of remorse — remorse being a full consciousness and sensitivity that we've hurt somebody. Feeling that pain, we let go and then have the energy to move on. Guilt is something else entirely — a continual rehashing of some event, mental flagellation, with tremendous self-hatred. It leaves us strained and exhausted, without the energy to go on and be different.
   If self-judgment, criticism, and self-hatred were liberating, we would all have been freed long ago. I don't have anything against those mind states personally — except that they simply don't work. Don't get me wrong; I don't have a philosophical stance that we have to love ourselves, but the fact is, love works and hatred doesn't. Self-hatred may not arise from anything in particular — it may just be a sense of personal humiliation about the fact that we grow older, get sick or disabled, feel that we failed, get angry, or get jealous. We can easily hate, judge, and condemn, but unfortunately, it doesn't end the problems — in some strange way, it intensifies them.
   The Buddha said, "Develop a mind so filled with love, it resembles space." We use the words mind and heart synonymously; the meaning is to develop a heart so filled with love that it resembles space, which can't be marred, can't be ruined — just as if someone were standing in a room throwing paint around in the air. There's nowhere in space for the paint to land. We can develop a mind or heart so filled with love that it's like space —boundless, open, vast, free. Any amount of paint, any irritant, any inner or outer trouble, won't land.        by Sharon Salzberg, editors Benjamin Shield & Richard Carlson, Ph.D.

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
       -Mahatma Ghandi

"But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads."
       -Albert Camus

3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on (the full or the empty part of the glass) and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we view failure as catastrophic, or do we see it as a learning opportunity? ---Six Tips for Happiness by Harvard Instructor Tal Ben-Shahar
http://my.harvard.edu/icb/icb.do?course=fas-psy1504&
pageid=tk.page.psy1504.video

"Happiness is the ability to enjoy the passage of time."
       -Albert Einstein
Life seems to go on without effort, when I am filled with music. - George Eliot

Man is meant for happiness and this happiness is in him, in the satisfaction of the daily needs of his existence.   - L. Tolstoi

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Mark Twain

"All conditions and all circumstances in our lives are a result of a certain level of thinking. If we want to change the conditions and circumstances, we have to change the level of thinking that is responsible for it."
   - Albert Einstein

Open the portals of calmness and you will find the bright sun of joy within yourself.
Paramhansa Yogananda

One may, similarly, experience a temporary sense of loss after failing in his worldly endeavors. Life then, at first, may seem devoid of any herbage of hope. If, however, after wandering in that desert for a time, he determines to face his new circumstances courageously, he will come to realize that life has not changed essentially at all; that whatever occurred to him was only defined as failure by his own imagination. He may then remember happier moments: the simple delights for example, that he enjoyed as a child. Suddenly he will understand that inner contentment is itself the one and only valid definition of success--and, quite as wonderfully, that contentment is the one thing in his life he need never lose!
     In every case, the wilderness of apparent loss, failure, and disappointment can be coaxed to bloom again, like a barren desert after abundant rain. Newly flowering meadows of peace appear suddenly in minds that seek rest within. The soul then knows a happiness more precious that the greatest success attainable through worldly pursuits.
   If you, dear reader, should ever slip, or even fall, from the ladder of success, and find yourself abandoned by wealth and honor, and forced to live in humble circumstances--grieve not. Welcome, rather, the new adventure that life has placed before you.
    If your dreams lie in ruin all about you, bravely adjust to your altered circumstances, In simplicity you will find -- even if you never sought it there! -- the sweet happiness your heart has always craved. Life will give you more that you ever dreamed, if only you will define prosperity anew: not as worldly gain, but as inner, divine contentment.
                 --Paramhansa Yogananada, “How to Be Happy All the Time”

     Unfortunately, many of us interfere with the unique adaptability of the breathing process through particular holding patterns that lock us into one way of breathing regardless of where we are and what we are doing, regardless of how we are and who we have become. In doing so we become mechanical in the way we live and and in the way that we respond to life’s inevitable changes. Habit, it has been said, is the nervous system recalling a previous experience. Like the driver who finds himself automatically driving home when he intended to visit a friend, the pathways and firing patterns of our nervous systems can drive us down the same road over and over gain. This robotic way of living does not do justice to our true potential. By undoing some of these unconscious holding patterns we can begin to regain our spontaneity in the way we respond to each moment, letting each breath meet the moment with freshness and innocence. “ Innocence” originally meant “ without injury.” By returning over and over again to the essential nature of the breath we can relinquish the fixity of the past and the imagined inevitability of the future, turning back toward the opportunity that awaits us in the next breath.
                  --Donna Farhi, “ The Breathing Book”

    In Julian Simon's excellent book, "Good Mood: The New Psychology of Overcoming Depression", he talks about an important ability in overcoming depression — the ability to change the subject of the content of your mind. This ability is also important in managing anxiety. Some people don't think they can do this, but they can. "Of course," Simon says, "this means that you must be willing at times to turn away from subjects of interest to you when they cause you pain." The examples he uses are switching the content of your mind away from your failures at work and toward your family, or away from war in Africa and toward some technical question. Anxious thoughts are every bit as compelling as depressed thoughts, but with the right ability — a skill meditation can strengthen in you — you can learn to give up your attachment to those compelling thoughts and turn your attention to other things when it is in your best interests to do so.
Simon says sometimes people think that changing their thoughts is somehow dishonest. But he makes an important distinction. Yes, it can be dishonest to deny the truth of something, and it isn't very smart to ignore unpleasant thoughts, especially if it will cause you trouble down the road to ignore them. "But for those facts which you cannot alter," he says, " — a chronic ailment perhaps, or a low pay level in one's chosen occupation — then there seems neither practical nor moral virtue in keeping oneself constantly aware of the fact…to do so is simply foolhardy and counterproductive."
Youmeworks.com

The first few times you think a new thought, you may do it deliberately, but after you’ve thought a certain way about something over and over several times, it starts to become automatic. Thoughts influence the way you perceive the world. And thoughts alter how you feel. And for the most part, the thoughts you normally think are habit. They aren’t deliberate. They’re not what you would choose if you were choosing your thoughts deliberately.        -- Youmeworks.com

What causes depression? In mainstream medicine, it is believed to be an over activation of the stress-response part of the nervous system. Recent evidence indicates it is also associated with under activation of the well-being (parasympathetic) part of the nervous system.     -- Richard P. Brown, MD

With the continuation of the breathing practices, the exhalation will gradually increase until it becomes twice as long as the inhalation. We focus on the exhalation, the letting go. The inhalation then comes back in naturally. To get the feeling of a deep exhalation, verbally sigh on the slow exhalation: Ahhhhh! We’re not breathing out twice as much air, but we’re taking twice the time to breath out. By encouraging a long, slow exhalation, the parasympathetic nervous system is activated and toned, allowing us that feeling of relaxation.
   Breathing this new, deeper way actually encourages the heart to rest. The heart, being a great servant, rests only in between beats. Long exhalations give the heart more time to relax.
Nischala Joy Devi, The Healing Path to Yoga ,
Pg 99

The great tragedy of life is not death, but what dies inside us while we live.
-- Norman Cousins

What most of us do (who are Joy-challenged), is habitually ponder our difficulties, troubles, and problems. When we mull over negativity, we increase our negative feelings. This is a natural habit for many people. The Torah says to avoid “turning after your heart”. This means that we naturally follow our emotions rather than lead them. We need to use our mind on purpose. We need to control our thoughts and focus on our blessings. By “thinking on purpose” we can direct our thoughts onto all the things that are going well and right; we can think about all the resources we possess to help us deal with our challenges. This way, our brain is holding the reins, not our heart. For some, their brain works like a T.V., whatever comes on has their attention. We should strive to make our brain more like surfing the internet, where we are the ones who pick and choose what to think about.
http://kabbalahmadeeasy.com

“Man alone, of all the creatures of the earth, can change his own pattern. Man alone is the architect of his destiny. The greatest discovery in our generation is that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives."
—William James

That is when I figured out that it is all about 'being happy,' because being happy is something you are doing right now, not later. Being happy has made me free, because it has not only given me freedom but also has shown me what freedom looks, feels, and tastes like. Being happy is a freeing experience, like being let out of prison. Part of that experience comes from not wanting or needing everything to go my way all the time. That freedom has allowed me to experience peace. For what is peace but freedom from wanting? Don't get me wrong, I still want things, but I don't get upset because things don't go my way. Instead I have learned to prefer things rather than demand them. I have preferences instead of demands. I am much better off, because that makes me proactive in achieving what I want.
The way to empower yourself is to decide to be happy no matter what. Choose happiness over everything else. This gives you the power to deal with life and deal with yourself. Happiness is a powerful strategy for those who practice it. When you're happy it gives you the awareness to realize the choices you have and what option is right for you. What is the real power that you have in doing this? You have power over yourself, and this is very important my friend, because being happy is authentic power.
- Lionel Ketchian

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