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Vault Article 1
An explanation of the
quotation
"Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional!"
"
Pain
is inevitable. If you are alive, you will experience pain. Pain is a
very important ability we possess to help protect ourselves. Pain is
often desirable. For example, you would want to know that the frying
pan handle is hot before your skin started charring. People who have
lost sensation in one of their limbs often lose the limb due to
injury or infection that they have not immediately noticed. Pain
warns us of dangerous situations. Pain also motivates us to change.
For example, experiencing pain of an unhealthy relationship
motivates us to seek counseling or leave the relationship if that is
what is necessary. To paraphrase Zorba the Greek, “Life is pain!
To be alive means you are out seeking pain!”
There is a very important and
significant difference between experiencing pain and suffering with
pain. Many people feel that pain and suffering go together. If one
is experiencing pain, one must suffer because of the pain. This is
not true. Whereas pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice. Having
fibromyalgia for over thirty-five years and suffering with it on and
off for about the first twenty-eight years, I know the difference. I
also know that it is possible to experience pain or other severe
debilitating problems without suffering. When I stopped suffering,
the quality of my life increased tremendously. Not suffering
requires two things, understanding and choice. First the
understanding.
Let's define the words. As
defined by the International Society for the Study of Pain, pain is
an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with
actual or potential tissue damage, or described in terms of such
damage. This definition of pain acknowledges that pain is often
associated with bodily injury but pain can occur without an actual
physical problem. The sensory system may be inaccurate. An analogy
would be a rocket launch stopped because of a fuel leak but upon
investigation, there is no fuel leak; it is just a sensor or
computer malfunction. In the human body, pain may be experienced
because the pain system, the sensory system is malfunctioning or
overstressed with no underlying problem. It is also important to
note that the definition describes pain as unpleasant, not
necessarily unbearable.
Suffering is defined as 1. to
endure death, pain, or distress, 2. to sustain loss or damage, 3, to
be subject to disability or handicap. Whereas pain is an experience,
suffering is a perception. 1. An athlete running for a gold medal
does not perceive himself to be enduring pain. A winning athlete
just views the pain a necessary part of winning. 2. The athlete will
also not view the pain to be related to loss or damage especially if
he wins. 3. There are many people who have experienced extensive
trauma or pain but who we admire as not accepting extensive
disability or handicap, such as Christopher Reeve and John F.
Kennedy.
As a medical assistant, I often
ask a patient to rate their pain on a scale from one to ten where
ten is the worst pain imaginable. Sometimes the patient responds in
a calm, normal voice with dry eyes, "Ten." I then explain
that Senator John McCain describes that while he was a prisoner of
war, several times his captors shackled his wrists behind his back,
tied a rope between his elbows and twisted the rope until his elbows
and shoulder broke with an audible 'crack'. He describes that while
this was happening, he heard someone screaming blocks away and then
he realized that screaming was his. I would imagine that pain would
be a 10. In the book Shogun, James Clavell wrote about a sailor
being placed into a giant cauldron filled with water. A fire was lit
under the cauldron and the temperature of the water expertly brought
up to a temperature that caused excruciating pain without causing a
rapid death. Clavell wrote that the sailor's screaming could be
heard throughout the entire town all night until the pour soul died
in the morning. That clearly is a ten. Sometimes after listening to
these explanations while quietly sitting in a chair, the patient
states, "Yes that describes the pain I have. It's a ten."
The patient would not be sitting calmly in a chair if the pain were
truly a ten. This person is choosing to suffer needlessly.
Specifically, the person is refusing to accept that his or her pain
could possibly be any worse. If it can't be any worse it must be a
ten.
Often each time I ask a patient
a question that can be answered with a short, simple answer, the
patient answers each question with details of how severe the pain is
and how much it affects the patient's life. This happens after we
have already discussed these points in depth. Experiencing pain and
fatigue for a long time, I know how frustrating it is to have
employers, co-workers, neighbors, friends and even doctors not
believe I am hurting. I too have heard, "It is all in your
head", "You're crazy" and "I have found nothing
wrong so you have no pain." I understand that when people don't
believe us, we have a tendency to become more emphatic about our
difficulty, even exaggerate our pain. However, this melodrama is
very dangerous. We tend to believe what we repeatedly hear. This is
the concept behind affirmations and advertising. Because of our
mind-body connection, what we believe, we create in our body. In
other words, when we melodramatically enhance our pain and problems,
they become worse. In addition, what we pay attention to becomes
magnified. Here is a simple demonstration of that. What model of car
do you drive? How long have you owned that model? Do you notice
passing other cars of that model more frequently than before you
owned your car or considered buying it? Most people answer yes to
the last question because we become more aware of what interests us.
Therefore, when we become more interested in our pain and problems,
our perception is that our pain and problems is worse. .
Furthermore, the melodrama will cause others to disbelieve us even
more.
So how do we reduce our
suffering? Step one is choice. We must choose not to suffer even if
we are experiencing pain. This is probably the most difficult step
because to choose not to suffer, you must believe that you have the
ability not to suffer. You must understand that pain and suffering
are not the same thing and believe that there is the possibility
that you can have pain without suffering. It is not good enough to
say to yourself, "I don't want to suffer." You must be
able to say to yourself, "I choose not to suffer," and
feel a conviction that you truly can make that choice. If you cannot
make that choice, you must study pain and suffering more until you
can clearly see the difference between the two. Once you choose not
to suffer, there are techniques you can use to reduce your
suffering.
The first technique is to stop
fighting the pain and accept it as a matter of fact and a part of
your life. It takes energy to fight something. Fighting drains you
of energy and gives that energy to what you are fighting. So
fighting your pain only wears you out and creates more pain. I am
not suggesting that you accept the pain and give up trying to do
something about it. I am suggesting that you accept the pain is now
a part of your life and you unemotionally, intelligently seek for
and do the things that will manage the pain. You want to take the
same attitude that a caring doctor would treating you. One exercise
I have found very effective to create this attitude when I am
experiencing very strong pain is to analyze it in depth. Visualize
the pain; see it in your mind. What color is it? What texture? When
did it start? When, by your experience, do you expect it to stop or
decrease? (It is very important to recognize that it will stop or
decrease.) How big is it? Where does it exist? Where does it not
exist? Explore around the pain and find the edges of it. (It is very
important to recognize that the pain does have edges and limits.)
This concept of accepting is so important that many well-known
psychologists, philosophers and writers have spoken about accepting.
Here are a few:
"In
order to overcome something, you must submit to it first, to
understand what it is you're to overcome." -- Juan Wa Chang
"We
cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not
liberate, it oppresses." -- C. G. Jung
"The
first step toward change is awareness. The second step is
acceptance."
--
Nathaniel Branden
"Life
has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than
to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to,
everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or
despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful,
evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and strength, if faced with
an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the
vision to recognize it as such." -- Henry Miller
"The
first step toward change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself,
you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is
not something you do, it's something you allow." -- Will
Garcia
"But
I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do
good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use
you, and persecute you." -- Matthew 5
The second technique is
profoundly important. Realize that YOU ARE NOT YOUR PAIN. The pain
is only a part of your experience. You are far more than just the
pain. Remember the exercise of the first technique - visualizing
where the pain does not exist? Explore the area where the pain does
not exist. It is much larger then the area where the pain does
exist. It probably extends out to infinity. You are visualizing the
area with pain and the area without pain in your imagination. Your
imagination is within you. So there is a huge region within you that
is not experiencing pain. Here is another exercise. On paper, list
the things that are important in your life. These are not your
goals. They are the things that make you who you are. Some examples
of things that might be in this list are family, friends, integrity,
honesty, career, love, respect, health and God. Once you have
created this list, test each item in the list with the question,
"Does this define who I am?" Cross out and add things to
the list as necessary to make it complete. Once you have a complete
list, combine similar things to make your list more manageable. You
want to have a maximum of five or six items on your list. This is
your list of values. Finally, prioritize your values from most
important down. I bet pain is not on your list. Pain does not define
who you are. Pain is not important in your life. The key here is to
remember what is important to you and center your life around those
things that are important to you. Never sacrifice things that are
important to you to things of lesser or no importance. As you pay
attention to what is truly important to you, less will you notice
things that are not important to you such as your pain. The father
of behavioral psychology, Wilbert Fordyce has said, "People
don't hurt as much if they have something else to do." To help
you remember what is important in your life, post your list around
your home and work place.
The third technique is an
extension of the second technique. Realize that YOU ARE GREATER THAN
YOUR PAIN. Your pain is an obstacle. It may be a major obstacle but
be assured that you are able to overcome it. Imagine the worse that
could happen from your pain and then accept that. It may be that
death in your perception or in reality is the worse that could
outcome from the cause of your pain. You may die in your car or in
your bathtub long before what is causing your pain takes you.
Whatever causes your death, don't you want to live until it happens?
Being afraid of pain or death is a death in itself. In holocausts
and torture chambers, all over the world, throughout history, people
have survived almost unimaginable pain and yet survived. The
survivors say they survived because of luck and because they refused
to succumb to the pain and despair. Throughout their ordeal, they
chose to hold onto hope and maintain their values in life. If these
survivors, surrounded by vast adversity, mistreatment and hate, have
been able to maintain their optimism, do you think you can maintain
yours? Recognize that these survivors did not have any miraculous
skills that you do not have. You have within you what is necessary
to overcome the pain.
Lastly and most important, you
must take responsibility and ownership of your pain and your life.
Obviously, to go from pain to no pain or even less pain requires
change. Also obviously, you cannot change what you cannot control.
And obviously, you cannot control what is not yours and what you are
not responsible for. Do you find that you use the following phrases?
“Have to” (or “must”) as in “I have to work.” or “I
must take care of my family.” “Can’t” as in “I can’t
take the pain.” or “I can’t stop smoking, eating junk food,
etc.” “Make me” as in “You make me angry;” or “Weather
makes my pain worse.” “Should” as in “I should be able to do
more.” or “My spouse, friends, or doctor should be more
understanding.” Using these phrases are indications that you are
passing the responsibility and ownership of your life and things in
your control to people and things outside of your control. As a
start, make a commitment to completely eliminate these phrases from
your vocabulary. Here is a list of substitutes:
| Eliminate: |
Substitute: |
| Have to or must: |
Want to or choose to |
| Can’t: |
Able to or not ready to |
| Try to |
Want to, choose to or will do |
| Should: |
I would like to or please would you… |
For example, “I want to work to make money to buy
a roof over my head and food that makes my life more comfortable.” “I
want to take care of my family because they mean so much to me.” “I am
able to handle the pain.” “I am not now ready to stop smoking.” “I
feel angry when you do that.” “I seem to hurt more when the weather is
cold.” “I would like to do more.” “Please try to understand my
situation.” When you say these sentences with these phrases, don’t you
feel more powerful, more in control? If you want more control of your life
and of your pain, choose now to change your vocabulary and choose now to
look at where else in your life you are giving away your responsibility and
control.
I am sure you have not asked for the
pain you are experiencing, but some of life's greatest opportunities are
presented to us without our request. See your pain as an opportunity to
learn about yourself. See your pain as an opportunity to display to yourself
the depth of who you are. -- Nelson Hochberg
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