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Page 12

 

 

 

 

 

Learning to Feel Unhappy
 from the book: What Happy People Know by Dan Baker

 

     In one of the most important psychological experiments of the last 100 years, young university professor Martin Seligman placed dogs, one at a time, in sealed boxes, from which there was no escape.  He placed the dogs in open boxes that did allow escape.  Then both sets of dogs were subjected to mild electrical shocks from the floors of their boxes.  The dogs in the open boxes quickly learned to jump out. The dogs that has no possibility of escape, however, soon gave up trying to get away from the shocks and laid down, passively accepting their fates.  They had learned to feel helpless.

    The same dogs were then individually placed in two-compartment boxes, with one side safe from shock.  The dogs that had previously been in the open boxes quickly learned to escape the shocks by going to the safe compartments.  However, most of the dogs that had already learned to feel helpless stayed in the compartment that shocked them, whining with misery but passively accepting ther pain.

     These famous experiments [learned helplessness] were later replicated by other researchers, proving that learned helplessness is a common phenomenon that often dominated the attitudes of not only animals, but also people.  And when it does dominate, it causes untold damage. It creates a nearly constant state of psychological stress, characterized by depression and anxiety, that I sometimes call 24-hour-a -day guard duty.

   This state strikes when people feel powerless to manage their own environments, and thus ensure their own survival. It brings the fears of not having enough and not being enough roiling to the surface.  These fears become so overwhelming that many people don’t even try to fight back or flee-- they just freeze, and passively wait for the threats to go away.

    As this state of mental stress fester. It feeds into physical stress. It over activates the stimulating sympathetic nervous system, which them triggers release of stress hormones, including cortisol. These physical stressors deplete immunity, hurt the heart, and contribute to numerous illnesses.

   Worst of all, the physical reactions reinforce the mental malais by depleting the contentment neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine.  This deletion was proved when researchers gave animal with learned helplessness various drugs, including opioids and antidepressants, that increased their feel-good neurotransmitters. When they did this, most of the animals stopped their passive, helpless behavior.  However, when they gave them the opposite types of drugs-- those that, like psychological stress, inhibit contentment neurotransmitters-- the animal’s helplessness returned.

   Thus because the stress of learned helplessness can invade even our brain biochemistries, it can perpetuate and endless cycle of negative thoughts.  When this cycle of helplessness takes over the mind, it contributes to three primary errors of perception. It creates:

 

1. Permanence--thinking that a problem will last forever

2. Personalization--thinking that every problem is your fault.

3. Pervasiveness-- thinking that one problem extends to every other situation

 

     When people become mired in this quicksand of misperception, it blights their entire outlook on life. 

      Learned helplessness can overtake almost anyone, but it most often occurs in three basic situations:  when someone fails too many times, when someone is boxed in by a double-bind, lose-lose situation, or when someone is dominated by somebody else who takes away his opportunity to choose.

    But each of these three common causes of learned helplessness can be overcome…..

Dan Baker What Happy People Know  pg123

 

 

 

Internalize --

1.	adopt others' beliefs: to adopt the beliefs, values, and attitudes of others, either consciously or unconsciously
2.	keep a problem inside: to deal with an emotion or conflict by thinking about it rather than expressing it openly

 

 

 

M. Scott Peck defined depression as our inability to give up the old for the new, which is a very normal human response in the face of massive change. What routines, beliefs, approaches, relationships, or old parts of your life do you need to give up? --Lou LaGrand

 

Growth occurs as we become aware of ourselves as different from what we previously considered ourselves.   Carol Anderson Peters quoting Robert Kegan

 

 

 

No matter how others behave you can only control yourself… -- Lionel Ketchian

 

 

 

    From the writings of Lionel Ketchian

 

6. Watch Your Thinking. Our unhappiness is a result of our thinking. Don't think about what you don't want or what you don't like. Control your negativity or your thinking is going to make you unhappy. Think about your choices or what you want. Be aware of your thoughts as they drift in and don't let negative ones find a place to land in your mind. Don't give them a home; let them drift right back out again.

 

 

3. Happiness Is Within You. Don't look to the outside for your happiness. Happiness is an inside job. Don't let any situation be more important to you than your happiness. Situations are neutral, even if you think they are good or bad. The way you think about the situation is what makes you unhappy. The way you think sets up your reaction, not the situation itself.

9. Use Happiness As Your Strategy. Use the power of happiness in your life when things don't go the way you think they should. This is important especially when things are not going your way, or you are not getting what you want, or when you are feeling sad or down. It is important to use that power all the time. Use it especially when things are not going well for you. The power of happiness helps you detach from outside events so you don't internalize your reactive thoughts into negative compulsive obsessive thinking.

13. Your Attitude Creates Your Altitude. The better your attitude, the higher your level of well being and happiness will be. You are responsible for your attitude. Don't use other people, events or anything else as an excuse for having a poor attitude, don't blame others. A "poor me" attitude will keep you poor. A "why me" attitude will create more things for you to feel awful about. If your are having a "self pity" party, you will find that you are the only one there and it's not much fun.

4. Think About Your Choices. What choices do you have now? It is all a matter of what choices you have available to you. Thinking about your problems is not thinking, it is obsessive negatively. Stop dwelling on your problems and start focusing on your solutions. Thinking is when you are creatively finding solutions and choices to eliminate your problem. --Lionel Ketchian
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    It is a fact of life that all of us will inevitably fail in something in someway at sometime along the bumpy road of life. When this happens, we need to be able to forget it and move on toward our dreams and goals. If you've sinned, ask for and accept God's forgiveness and then forgive yourself.

    To quote Steve Goodier, [email protected], "Unfortunately, no delete key can correct the past so that memories no longer hurt, frighten or humiliate. The past is what it is -- past. And that, too, is good to remember. It is past. Over. Finished. There is no taking it back, yet no purpose is served in re-living and rehashing old memories. It is gone. Let it be a teacher. Let us learn from its harsh lessons as well as its joys. Then let us leave it where it belongs -- in the past." Robert H. Schuler tells of a shocking experience he had when a car dealer friend insisted he drive a demonstration model, and when he put the car in reverse, suddenly the digital odometer started registering the MPH in reverse. As he says, "In times of defeat, it's easy to think of going backwards. If we're going backwards, let's not count it!
     The secret of success is to look ahead." To quote Norman Vincent Peale: "One of the most important of all skills is that of forgetting. It is said a man is what he...eats. A man is what he forgets. ...to be happy and successful you must cultivate the ability to say to yourself--forget it! Memory is one of our greatest facilities, [and] It is a great skill to be able to be selective and say, 'I will hold this...this other, I will cast from me."

Why is this so important? Because, and I speak from experience, if you don't, the memories and regrets will eat at your mind like a cancer and will paralyze your progress to the extent that you will never be able to move ahead.

      And, after all, the failure you are remembering with so much regret may not be as big of a setback as you think. To quote the mother superior in "The Sound of Music," when the Lord closes a door, He opens a window." But we will never see the window if we are focused upon the closed door.

     But, what can we do, if, having tried to forget it, the thoughts persist in our mind? To further quote from Dr. Peale: "There are only 2 things to do: (1)do everything you reasonably can about it, (2) then practice forgetting it. Walk away from it in your thoughts. Conceive of it as lying back there growing ever more dim against the horizon as each day carries you further from it."

       But, not only must we walk away from the old, but walk toward the new. Start filling your mind with new ideas and prospects for success. If you find your mind blank, try praying. Ask God to fill your mind with fresh new ideas. Then trust that He will. Set your sights ahead not back, so you can say with the apostle Paul, "This I do, forgetting what is behind and looking forward to what is before, I press toward the mark... (Phil.3:13.)

Article written by James M. Becher

 

 

 

 

     As John Masefield said: "Best trust the happy moments. What they gave makes man less fearful and gives his work compassion and new eyes, the days that make us happy make us wise."

     Happiness is the freedom you feel from the release of fear. You might say that happiness is letting go of fear! You may think it impossible to live without fear in this uncertain world. The truth is, it is an uncertain world and you need to embrace that uncertainty but not give in to fear.

     Fear is being out of control, while happiness is taking control of yourself. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Do the things you fear and the death of fear is certain." The next time something reveals fear within you, go through it instead of running away. Running away only allows your fear to gain ground, while you lose ground. Not facing your fear is much harder than dealing with it. Use happiness for your ammunition and you can shoot through any fear!  The only way out of fear is through it.

In the words of Shakespeare: "Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt." If you doubt anything, doubt your fears, never doubt yourself.

BE HAPPY ZONE by Lionel Ketchian

 

 

While a depressed mood is usually seen as deleterious, it may have adaptive benefits. The loss of a loved spouse, child, friend or relation, a physical illness or loss of lifestyle, tends to lead to feelings of depression. Freud noted the similarities between mourning and depression in a now famous paper entitled, "Mourning and Melancholia". The depressed mood is adaptive in that it leads the person towards altering his thought patterns and behavior or way of living or else continues until such a time as he does so. It can be argued that depression and clinical depressionis in fact the refusal of a person to heed the call to change from within his own mind. For example, in mourning it is essential that one must eventually let go of thedeparted and return to the world and other relationships.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_%28mood%29

 

 

 

 

Cope with Your Great Loss by Seeing Your Emotions as Inner Messengers
By Lou LaGrand

 

      Emotions are not something that simply stir around in the brain; they invade every cell in the body and affect the immune system. However, they are ingenious in that they not only communicate our inner response to change, but equally important, eventually they provide many messages about how to deal with our current dilemma.

     How we perceive a particular loss has a major impact on the emotions that surface. If we believe the loss of a loved one was inevitable, we grieve one way. If we believe the loss is unjustified, we grieve quite differently.

     The three most obvious emotions associated with grief are anger, guilt, and depression. Some mourners experience one or more of these emotions, others, none at all.

If you are presently dealing with one of the above, examine the questions these emotions pose for you. Then apply your answers by taking specific actions, and see if the course of your grief takes a turn for the better.

 

1. Although anger is an okay emotion to have because we are deprived of something valued, it also sends the following messages to carefully listen to. Am I using my anger to cover up other emotions (like fear, frustration, depression, dependency, or guilt)? Is it causing me to refuse to accept the death and prolong my suffering? What do I need to restore in order to let go of my anger? This question is asking you to consider what you should do with your emotional energy, where to reinvest it.

    Is my anger thwarting my ability to love? Love is the most powerful coping response you can generate in adapting to your loss because it will open you to a different view of your world—and the role of inevitable loss and change. Am I turning my anger into a grudge by refusing to forgive? The gift of a grudge is the assurance of continued misery.

 

2. Guilt usually asks the following. Am I acting as though I should be omnipotent? Often when looking back on an event leading to guilt, the mourner becomes a second guesser and says “I should have done this or that?” Guilt also says what do I need to change? Grief perpetually dictates change. And guilt suggests, I can change in the way I see the event causing guilt.

Is this feeling I have true cause and effect guilt or is it neurotic guilt (where the effect is dwarfing any possible cause or no cause at all)? If it is true guilt, how can I make reparation? If it is neurotic guilt, why do I feel responsible for everything? Note that most guilt associated with the death of a loved one, is not true guilt. One way to confront neurotic guilt is to focus on all the many good things you did for your loved one.

 

3. The mood disorder of depression is not only one of the most common emotions experienced, it is also the most investigated. The following questions are addressed to those experiencing uncomplicated acute grief with reactive depression. What must I let go of? The late psychiatrist, M. Scott Peck, defined depression as our inability to give up the old for the new, which is a very normal human response in the face of massive change. What routines, beliefs, approaches, relationships, or old parts of your life do you need to give up?

    And depression asks one of the most important questions of all: What do I need to add to my life? What knowledge, skills, abilities, or insights? What everyday spirituality will help me transcend my great loss?

 

    To summarize, you create your emotional responses when a loved one dies based on your beliefs, perceptions, and meanings attached to the loss. A careful review of the factors involved in the depth of your emotions—coupled with the inner wisdom your emotions may present in the form of some of the questions listed above—highlights the unusual resource that lies within you. Let it be used and play out.

Study the questions carefully. They demand much of your time and careful analysis. The result will be that you will better direct the course of your grief work and adapt to your great loss.

Dr. LaGrand

 

 

 

 

 

Self-esteem generally refers to our evaluation of the self, the feeling we have about the self. According to the psychologist Nathaniel Branden self-esteem is the integrated sum of self-confidence and self-respect. Self-confidence refers to our feeling of competence in facing life’s challenges; self-respect refers to our feeling of being worthy of happiness.

http://talbenshahar.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=29&Itemid=43

 

 

 

Self-esteem is a consequence of following fundamental internal practices that require an ongoing commitment to self-examination. I call these practices the “Six Pillars of Self-Esteem”:

 

Living consciously: Paying attention to information and feedback about needs and goals … facing facts that might be uncomfortable or threatening … refusing to wander through life in a self-induced mental fog.

Self-acceptance: Being willing to experience whatever we truly think, feel or do, even if we don’t always like it … facing our mistakes and learning from them.

 

Self-responsibility. Establishing a sense of control over our lives by realizing we are responsible for our choices and actions at every level … the achievement of our goals … our happiness … our values.

 

Self-assertiveness: The willingness to express appropriately our thoughts, values and feelings … to stand up for ourselves … to speak and act from our deepest convictions.

 

Living purposefully: Setting goals and working to achieve them, rather than living at the mercy of chance and outside forces … developing self-discipline.

 

Integrity: The integration of our behavior with our ideals, convictions, standards and beliefs … acting in congruence with what we believe is right.

 

Most of us are taught from an early age to pay far more attention to signals coming from other people than from within. We are encouraged to ignore our own needs and wants and to concentrate on living up to others’ expectations.

Self-esteem requires us to listen to and respect our own sensations, insights, intuition and perspective. For some people, learning to do this may require the help of a competent therapist. For all of us, developing the pillars of self-esteem is a life-long—and worthy—challenge.  -- Nathaniel Branden

 

When self-esteem is low, negatives have much more power over us than positives. We are motivated more by the desire to avoid pain than to experience joy. But if we do not believe in ourselves - in our efficacy or in our goodness and lovability - the universe is a frightening place.  --Nathaniel Branden

 

“On Living In Potemkin Village”

In the 18th century, Grigori Aleksandrovich Potemkin had elaborate fake

villages built in order to impress Catherine the Great on her tours of the Ukraine

and the Crimea. So it was that the term, Potemkin Village, was born. It refers to

an impressive facade or display that hides an undesirable fact or state. It is the

equivalent of a false front.

One of the obstacles to happiness is rooted in the discrepancy between

how you present yourself to the world and how you really feel about yourself.

Many people believe that if others got to know them intimately, that ultimately

those others would be very surprised and disappointed. You could be taken

aback by the percentage of people who feel like imposters. They feel as if they

would never stand up to the scrutiny of careful assessment with respect to their

being as loveable or worthwhile as they would like to be.

In other words, there is a large gap between the outer and inner. They

show the world a façade, perhaps a very impressive one indeed. But it is like an

illusion. It is like building a Potemkin Village, hiding what they deem to be their

undesirable traits or essences. This may be at least a part of the rush to own

designer clothing, fancy cars, and the newest and best of everything. That is

neither the antidote nor the answer to the question of “How can I be happier with

myself and my life?”

I would invite you to work on narrowing the gap between who you think

you are and who you would like to be. And, I have two words for you that can

make all the difference. Start now! It is never too late to become the person you

feel good about being. You don’t need to impress Catherine the Great, you need

only to practice cultivating characteristics and behaviors that continue to narrow

the aforementioned gap. For example:

• If you believe you’re selfish, practice generosity of spirit.

• If you believe you’re angry, practice patience.

• If you believe you’re uncaring, practice compassion.

• If you believe you know best, practice humility.

• If you believe you’re rigid, practice flexibility.

• If you believe you’re weak, practice assertiveness.

• If you believe you’re critical, practice kindness.

• If you believe you’re distant, practice loving.

• If you believe you’re controlling, practice letting go.

• If you believe you’re immoral, practice morality.

• If you believe you’re hateful, practice forgiveness.

Develop your list of what creates the gap. What is the false front hiding

that you wish wasn’t there or don’t want others to find out about? Figure out

what you need to practice and begin now. Not being a Potemkin Village is part of

achieving happiness. Don’t be discouraged. Anyone who ever got to be who she

wanted to be had to begin where she was. It will definitely be worth your while,

most likely not only to you, but to others as well. Start now ----- Dr Gettis

 

You want things to work for you -- instead of letting things work you!  --  A. Baker

 

People often focus their minds on negative things, trying to think them into submission. It’s called worry.  -- Dan Baker

 

It is in recognizing our imperfection that we are strengthened. It is in recognizing our imperfection that we become more honest and truthful. It is in recognizing our imperfection that we become more grateful, compassionate, and loving towards others. It is indeed a paradoxical observation that we realize our strength comes from knowing our weakness, our honesty comes from knowing our shame, and our gratefulness, compassion, and love comes from knowing the help we have received from others. It may seem odd to suggest that one of the most important spiritual practices is asking for and accepting help.       ---- Markham’s Behavioral Health

 

 

 

 

Every moment that has ever been, or ever will be, is gone the instant it’s begun. Life is loss. Happiness is loving the moment more than you mourn the loss.  -- cancer patient quoted in, “What Happy People Know” by Dan Baker

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"Yes, your wounded ego self wants to believe that you have control over something that you have no control over. You are having a hard time letting go of control. But trying to control something over which you have no control will always create anxiety. You are not being in reality about what you have control over and what you don't have control over."

"Yes, I see that. I want control over getting Carla to be the way I thought she was. I don't even like who she is right now, but I don't want to accept that this is who she is choosing to be. I can see that I need to accept this reality and not keep thinking that I can get her to come back and to be the way I thought she was. Ah, I am starting to feel better! The anxiety is going away."

Anxiety results from not accepting how things are and of trying to control things that you cannot control.
From  Anxiety: A Lack of Reality By Dr. Margaret Paul

 

 

 

 

 

 

Life truly is not worth feeling rotten about, especially if you had not done anything to feel rotten about. I've discovered that I was feeling bad because I either had not or could not meet somebody else's standards. And believe me, no matter what I've done, like take out the trash, for instance, there was someone who let me know how inadequate the job I did was...I was a hopeless sap. Then there is the entire matter of some people needing to feel like they have bested me just cause that's how things are...Church did not help me because it seemed to me that it was filled with the self same people I was trying to avoid. (Church folk can really make you feel bad, you know?) So instead of changing them, I decided I would change myself and my own attitudes.          by yygsgsdrassil

 

Humans are not helpless. They have never been helpless. They have only been deflected or deceived or dispirited. - Norman Cousins

…Norman Cousins wisely commented, "the life force may be the least understood force on earth" and that "human beings are not locked into fixed limitations. The quest for perfectibility is not a presumption or a blasphemy but the highest manifestation of a great design."   - Interview with Norman Cousins

 

Take a couple of deep breaths – breathing in and out through your nose. Feel your belly rise and fall with each breath.

Image a wave of relaxation making its way up your body, starting at your toes. Allow it to travel slowly and methodically through each part of your body. Feel each of your muscle groups relax as the wave of relaxation travels through them. When it reaches the top of your head, place your attention again on your breathing and imagine that with each in breath further waves of relaxation are flowing through your body, and with each out breath, any remaining tension is being released.       www.the4thr.co.uk

 

 

True life is never a repeat performance. It has no relationship to what went before.  --Vernon Howard

 

Q: Why do most of us change our minds so often and so quickly?

A: Our moods do not believe in each other.   - www.superwisdom.com/emerson

 

 

        Getting angry with others is like resenting a fire for burning." ~Shantideva

Never take someone else's anger personally -- they're not angry at you -- you're just the stimulus or you may just be the only one nearby.

       Start learning not to take things personally by understanding this: Everything people do or say comes from a desire to meet their needs or to support something they value.

     Everything = Needs and Values.

www.FocusedAttention.com

 

 

 

How Love Creates New Energy

 

   Remember that all energy is a single, unified force. The energy which lifts your left hand is the same energy which makes a carrot grow. The power which whirls worlds through space is the same power by which you observe the mood you are in today. This vast energy is ready to renew whoever makes himself ready for it. We make ourselves ready by refusing to take pleasure in negative emotions, by wanting to know more about life than what we see on the surface.
   Love is the full, free and uninterrupted flow of life-energy through your psychic system. It is a river of energy with no dams or whirlpools or broken banks or dividing islands. Love is oneness, wholeness, mental health. This free flow starts by first becoming aware of self-division, and then by dissolving it through spiritual insight.
  -- Vernon Howard

 

 

 

 

     My students have always been taught that Relaxation is essential for the performer. It is the water that keeps their instrument, their "clay," malleable. Here are Three Principles:

 

·         Relaxation is NOT changing one's intentions when being watched

·         Relaxation is being comfortable with the dis-ease one feels when stimulated

·         Ultimately, Relaxation is Self-Permission

 

    I have come to feel that these Principles of Relaxation have value for us all. They guide us toward what I call Living in the Sweet Spot -- that mental state when we feel most successfully ourselves. Let me explain.

    Take a moment and recall the occasions, even the "insignificant" ones, when you feel most content and happy:

It may be during that first cup of coffee -- particularly that first sip;

It may be when you hear certain passages of music;

It may be while in the presence of a special individual, or in a particular environment, such as a place of worship or scenic beauty;

It may be when being helpful;

Or it may be when you hit that tennis ball in just the right place -- on the Sweet Spot!

These moments needn't be singular experiences that disintegrate once their allotted and "logical" time-span expires. Rather, they can serve as microcosmic examples of a Personal State of Happiness we can strive to live from -- our Individual Sweet Spot. The aforementioned Principles of Relaxation can help us achieve this goal.

Just as the performer must be aware, we too can ask ourselves -- are we compromising our intentions because of outside pressures? Are we uncomfortable or feeling awkward because of circumstances created by others? Are we living in a state of self-permission, that is, without the compromise of our personal will? With honest answers, interfering Tensions can be acknowledged, managed, and resolved.

     Mythologist Joseph Campbell encouraged us to "follow our bliss." I call this Living in the Sweet Spot where, with the use of one's Awareness in partnership with Relaxation, a state of well-being can be sustained. - Mima Gina

 

 

 

According to Eric Fromm...The human being needs to find an answer to his existence. Helping us to answer this question is perhaps the major purpose of culture. In a way, he says, all cultures are like religions, trying to explain the meaning of life. Some, of course, do so better than others. A more negative way of expressing this need is to say that we need to avoid insanity, and he defines neurosis as an effort to satisfy the need for answers that don't work for us. He says that every neurosis is a sort of private religion, one we turn to when our culture no longer satisfies.          http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/fromm.html

 

 

 

Man is born as a freak of nature, being within nature and yet transcending it. He has to find principles of action and decision making which replace the principles of instincts. he has to have a frame of orientation which permits him to organize a consistent picture of the world as a condition for consistent actions. He has to fight not only against the dangers of dying, starving, and being hurt, but also against another anger which is specifically human: that of becoming insane. In other words, he has to protect himself not only against the danger of losing his life but also against the danger of losing his mind. (Fromm, 1968, p. 61)

Fromm lists five human needs:

1. Relatedness

As human beings, we are aware of our separateness from each other, and seek to overcome it. Fromm calls this our need for relatedness, and views it as love in the broadest sense. Love, he says, "is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one's own self." (p 37 of The Sane Society). It allows us to transcend our separateness without denying us our uniqueness.

The need is so powerful that sometimes we seek it in unhealthy ways. For example, some seek to eliminate their isolation by submitting themselves to another person, to a group, or to their conception of a God. Others look to eliminate their isolation by dominating others. Either way, these are not satisfying: Your separateness is not overcome.

Another way some attempt to overcome this need is by denying it. The opposite of relatedness is what Fromm calls narcissism. Narcissism -- the love of self -- is natural in infants, in that they don't perceive themselves as separate from the world and others to begin with. But in adults, it is a source of pathology. Like the schizophrenic, the narcissist has only one reality: the world of his own thoughts, feelings, and needs. His world becomes what he wants it to be, and he loses contact with reality….
http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/fromm.html

 

 

 

   Every man's work, pursued steadily, tends in this way to become an end in itself, and so to bridge over the loveless chasms of his life.

Silas Marner by Eliot, George View in context

 

Definition:  an end in itself

    if an activity or action is an end in itself, it is important to you not because it will help you to achieve something else, but because you enjoy doing it or think that it is important.
Ex. Education should be an end in itself.

 

an end in itself

satisfying no other purpose than the enjoyment of doing it.

Ex. Memorizing facts can become an end in itself and not a way of understanding something.

Cambridge International Dictionary of Idioms © Cambridge University Press 1998

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

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