The bell rings, and the older students (3rd, 4th, and 5th years) emerge from the Defense Against the Dark Arts after a particularly nasty lesson with Snape, stalking down the corridor to the landing at the top of the marble staircase, where ROBIN is perched on the banister, watching the stream of students going downstairs.

JYLES
(storms up to him, fuming)

ROBIN
All right?

SYLVIA
(joins them)
It�s not all right. You should have seen what Snape said to Aria.

ROBIN
Why? What'd he do?

JYLES
She got so bloody scared of her boggart, and he just called her a pathetic weakling.

ROBIN
(outraged)
What? That foul, slimy �

SNAPE
(sneaks up behind them)
Excuse me.

They all jump.

SNAPE
No occupation of the banister, Mr. Quigley. I am afraid famous uncles do not earn you that reward yet. Ten points from Hufflepuff.

The three watch him proceed down the stairs to lunch, slowly joined by the rest of the class.

JYLES
Asshole.

SLENN
(snorts) Yea, we�ve noticed.

ROBIN
Oh, he�s more than that.

JYLES
How so?

Robin jumps on top of the railing, holding his lit wand under his chin like a torchlight, and looking spookily down at them.

ROBIN
HIS GREASY HAIR AND HOOKED NOSE
ARE LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A BAD DREAM
BILLOWING BLACK ROBES AND COLD DARK EYES
MAKE YOU WANT TO SCREAM

SLENN
YOU�D BETTER BEWARE WHEN THE VAMPIRE�S ABOUT
YOU NEVER KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HE�LL HEAR
HE SNEAKS AND HE STALKS AND HE WHIRLS AROUND
SO WALK AND ACT WITH CAUTION WHEN HE�S NEAR!

ROBIN & SLENN
FIVE YEARS, OR EVEN FIVE MONTHS
IS JUST TOO LONG TO WAIT
SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

ALL
SACK SNAPE!

More students catch onto the song, and they start parading down the stairs in a huge crowd.

VARELLA
A TEACHER WHO CANNOT TEACH
A WIZARD WHO CANNOT FIGHT
ALL HE DOES IS CREEP OUT STUDENTS

ALL
DAY AND NIGHT!

ROBIN
POTIONS MASTER LAST YEAR
AND DARK ARTS TEACHER NOW
SINCE HE�S SPOILING FOR A FIGHT

ALL
LET�S START HIS LATEST ROW!

FIVE YEARS, OR EVEN FIVE MONTHS
IS JUST TOO LONG TO WAIT
SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
SACK SNAPE!

ROBIN
WE WONDER WHY DUMBLEDORE KEEPS HIM
WHAT GOOD COULD HE POSSIBLY DO

JYLES
I HEARD THAT HE WAS ONCE A DEATH EATER

ALL
THE DARK MARK MAY SOON BE OVER YOU!

ROBIN
DENTENTIONS GIVEN OUT LEFT AND RIGHT
HOUSE POINTS ARE AS GOOD AS GONE
YOU�RE PICKED ON IF YOU�RE NOT A SLYTHERIN

SYLVIA
AND EVEN THEN IF TO HIM YOU WON�T FAWN!

They stomp through the entrance hall and into the Great Hall, filtering between the four tables, with Robin, Slenn, Sylvia, Varella, and Jyles at the head of the crowd. They stop at the top table and glare at their professor as they sing the final chorus.

ALL
FIVE YEARS, OR EVEN FIVE MONTHS
IS JUST TOO LONG TO WAIT
SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
SACK SNAPE!