Don’t we all love the new vending machines? Now we can get Coke or Pacific Sun or Milo for twice as much as they cost in the caf. And, we get aliw watching the machine feeding our P10 and P20 bills with a whirring sound.
But is that what the vending machines are really for? Just to give drinks? Or is there a deeper, darker reason? Rumors have been flying: of strange sounds coming from deep inside the machines. Of the machines shaking and moving down the halls by themselves. Of strange hands reaching out of the product bin and taking back newly dropped cans of Milo!
“It’s true,” confirms Rambo Tan (II BS LaBO), “The dorms have run out of space, so the dormers are desperate for living space. The vendo machines are a good alternative, since Milo lets us keep a cut of the payment.”
It may be cramped,” says Andy Kapre, who roommates with Rambo in the Kostka vendo machine. (IV AB Androgynous), “but at least it’s got aircon! And we get to give out drinks as a part-time job! Tapos may libre pang Milo at Gatorade!”
“It’s harder to work in the snacks machine,” says vendo tenant Jun Lambing (III BB Spice). “It’s even more cramped, and not as cold. Then you have to make sure you push the right coil so that the right snack falls out At nakakasawa din ang KitKat araw-araw.”
In response to complaints that the machines often reject bills, Tan says, “Basta, ayoko yung gusot o folded na bills.”
1.) What is the worst PDA spot on campus? a. Quad II b. Caf bench c. Shelves in the lib d. Sa loob ng vendo machine Answer: D. In the vendo machine, no one can hear you scream.
2.) How do you call your boy/girlfriend? a. “Bitsy-wooky-wuffly-butter-cakes.” b. “Sweet baboo.” c. “Hey, you there.” d. Don’t have a boy/girlfriend. Answer: None of these. You call him on the telephone.
3.) What is your idea of a good time? a. Strolling in Eagle’s Park. b. Stroking in Eagle’s Park. c. Streaking in Eagle’s Park. d. Parking in Eagle’s Park. Answer: None of the above. A good time is five o’clock.
4.) Who is your favorite Spice Girl? a. Sporty Spice b. Spiffy Spice c. Old Spice d. Lost in Spice Answer: C. Old Spice. Mas malinamnam.
5.) What is your favorite Ateneo landmark? a. Meron Pond b. Lambingan Bridge c. Sweet Corn stand d. Sweat Corn stand Answer: Masarap ang Sweat Corn. Di na nga kailangan ng asin dahil maalat na siya.
6.) The couple who sits in front of you in class are too steamy and explicit one morning. What do you do? a. Ignore them. b. Join them. c. Take pictures. d. Sell tickets. Answer: Raise your hand and ask if you may be excused to go to the vendo machine.
7.) What is your favorite theme room in Victoria Court Inn? a. The Jungle Room b. The Weights Room c. The Beach Room d. The Bath Room Answer: Ikaw, ha. Paano mo alam ‘yung mga theme rooms sa Victoria Court?
8.) Where do you sit in the theater when you watch movies? a. Premiere b. Deluxe c. Projection Room d. Men’s Room Answer: C. Projection Room. Mataas siya eh, so that when the Titanic sinks hindi ka malulunod.
9.) What do you give your partner for Valentine’s? a. 12 red roses. b. 12 yellow roses. c. 1 plastic rose. d. Old Spice. Answer: None. Just send an e-card na lang from the Internet stations.
10.) What does PDA stand for? a. Public Display of Affection b. Pornographic Display of Affection c. Public Display of Affliction d. other:_______________ Answer: If you answered D, you are a person-for-others.
Scoring 1 point for every correct answer. 10 points bonus if you did not pick up a pen and paper to answer the test before you finished reading this part and found it was all a joke.
YOUR PDA RATING: 0-3 You rarely touch your partner, and would be scandalized if s/he offered to hold your hand. A surprise hug from your partner may give you a heart attack. 4-7 You are occasionally prone to bursts of hugging. You may even sometimes dare to put your arm around your partner’s shoulder in Dr. Tejido’s presence. 8-10 You are an over-blatant love machine. You may sometimes be prone to roll around in the grass in front of Berchmans or drink iced tea or iced mocha through the same straw.