SIDELINED

Musketeers join fencers

THE ATENEO Fencing League was bolstered by the addition of three legendary swordsmen in Athos, Porthos and Aramis. The only problem is, the three are just figments of the fencers’ imagination.
“It’s just a way of boosting our morale,” says AFL head honcho Edwin “Chicks-to-chicks” Lachica. “We’re not that stupid to think they’re real people. Since we were able to get a headline with The GUIDON this year, we thought might as well start raising our ambitions.”

“It’s our way of giving ourselves an ideal to pursue,” says FAMAS Awardee and part-time fencer Precious De Goya. “Of course, we know that the three Musketeers aren’t real. Hindi sila tunay na nagmemeron.”

The problem is, it seems that some people weren’t smart enough to pick up on what De Goya said. The De La Salle Fencing squad announced soon after that they were signing up the three wise men to help them in the upcoming season. The difference between the two teams is that La Salle believes the Three Wise Men are still alive.
“Lagot kayo sa amin next year,” warned a visibly moved La Salle fencer who forgot his name. “Nasa amin na sina Melchor, Gaspar at Barrabas!”

Ben Delabuyo

St. Ignatius to join Blue Eagles

IN A desperate move, Blue Eagles coach Mark Molina acquired a gem of a player in none other than the school’s patron saint, Ignatius de Loyola.

The sharp-shooting former soldier, who stands 7’-2” on his feet, was signed up by the hapless Molina after losing the Sison twins to a local male adaptation of the US teen show “Sweet Valley Twins,” Mga Kambal ng Loyola Heights.

“I think he will fit in well with the team,” says Molina, who has faced several failures in the imported player category. “After all, the players are all Ateneans, and we’ve got the super-Atenean.”

“I’ve always been a man for others,” says the new Eagles center. “I wouldn’t mind playing for this team for as long as students stop stealing my sword.”

The signing-up has produced a frenzy of anticipation. “Maybe we can even sign up the Blue Eagle,” says Molina.

Teams around the UAAP league have begun trying to sign up their own patron saints in the hopes of bolstering their chances for next year. La Salle wanted to recruit Royette Padilla, but H-World would not comment on the issue. Fr. Tropa has volunteered his services to the Archers, who are actually considering the possibility.

St. Cinnamon

Chess team captain gets mated

AFTER YEARS and years of effort, chess team captain and GAYDON Sports editor Dong Mayabangan (IV BS FEELING) has finally found a mate.

“Yes,” said Mayabangan. “Yes, I have.” He then walked down the aisle of the Gonzaga chapel to declare his vows to his prized Con Air hairdryer. “She really knows me, she really knows me,” was all Mayabangan could say after the short ceremony officiated by Mang Manny of Colayco Hall.

Ricky Reyes