Have you ever felt so at peace with everything around you for that one moment between sleep and awake? That moment that you feel that everything is going to be okay? Its so beautiful that when you try to attempt that feeling, it just doesn't work. Or when you cry yourself to sleep, that moment before sleep, that instant, you feel okay, and your heart doesn't hurt for a single moment in time. Then you close your eyes, and fall. I love that feeling, also warm towels that are fresh from the dryer. In my moment of peace I love to forget, of all things that are not done yet. I close my eyes, and feel so alive. That everything around me, is peace, and love, and so awesome that its sometimes hard for me to comprehend. The potential that every living thing has, is a gift in itself. Everything can be okay, everything has the power within itself to shine. Sometimes I'm so caught up in myself that I forget other people around me, people that mean so much to me. My grandma being one of them. She has the courage to move on with her life, she lost 2 of her babies, and her husband. That in itself is devastating. To watch your babies die, and then watch your husband slowly be taken away. It was extremely tough for me to watch my own grandfather die like that. And you feel so helpless when he looks over to you and asks you to "please" help him. Take him away from all the hurt that ravages his body, just take him away. And it doesn't matter who you are, you feel so helpless. And you know his future, you know what lies in store for him. And you try to lie and tell him he's going to get better, but he reads it in your face, he sees the tear trickle down your cheek.

For years I took my life in strides, I never had a tough life, or an easy life, somewhere in between where I had all my beautiful memories. My childhood friends were the greatest that I could have. And everything was so fine, and you didn't worry about money, or how to pay bills, or sex for that matter. You just wanted to play, and to have fun. Carefree and Innocent. I loved life, and you didn't have to stop and think to know that you love life, you just lived it in the moment.

A well worth trip down memory lane for myself. And during that time, I suddenly realized that some of the stuff that I'm worried about really doesn't matter. I guess the challenge for me is to keep that mentality. I'm angry sometimes about how things are going on in the world, and all the little things that would tick me off. If I see something I don't like, I'll fume over it for a couple of minutes, and let my anger subside. Also most often times I contradict myself. I'm more often a walking contradiction than I am a person of my own virtues. I like to think that I'm a guy who says things that are honest, but more often than not I'm a quiet soul, who likes to help people out, and look at them in the eye and say "thank you" or "your most welcome". There's alot of assholes that people have to deal with in the daily lives, and I'm just one of them who's not affraid to show them my soft side.

I love my environment, I love the feeling when you suddenly stop in the middle of the night, and listen to everything around you, and take a deep breath and really enjoy life, enjoy the people around you, and enjoy the moment.