Do you remember the song I sang to you?
You said it was the day you "knew"
I loved you before then, before you found out,
I fell into your deep brown eyes, I knew what you were about,
You made my days worth seeing, not that I'm suicidal,
It was hard for me just to wait sitting idle.
You will always be in my heart, and in my mind,
the next time I won't walk in love so blind.
Maybe we'll find each other down the road again,
if we were meant to be, we will find out, only til then.

~~

My days as an asshole are still resuming,
I still leave a couple of people fuming.
I don't mind being an asshole, its kinda fun,
But sometimes I'm not the only one.
Although I try to avoid being a total idiot,
if it comes to being different, 'hey I'll be it.'
I love being different, I love being me,
it makes me happy, it gives me glee.
If me being Curtis or being Kurt inspires you,
then, hey good for you. Then, don't kick yourself in the ass too.

~~

Would it matter if I gave a shit?
How would it effect the future from my little bit?
I don't understand what your trying to say,
just tell me what to do, and I'll obey.
Don't tell me what to be, or how to feel,
otherwise you'll just lose your appeal.
I love you because you accept me for me,
and made me feel like the sun was shinning down on me.
I still see that beautiful person I fell in love with,
you changed my view of love to reality from a myth.
I see you as my angel, I understand why were are apart
I honestly really never meant to break your heart.

~~

Life for Curtis in Saskatchewan. Its kinda funny because a while ago I really felt like leaving Saskatchewan forever. And yet, this is my past, my roots. And yet so many bad memories, just as there are good memories. Maybe I'll come back someday, maybe when I'm an old happy man with my wife. I feel that there's something really important for me in Vancouver. And I have to find it, I just feel it. I don't know what it is. It's just pulling me. "Go west young man." and that's it. I don't know what I'll find, I just know that it's there, calling me. I honestly don't know. Maybe my path leads that way, which leads to more paths in my future. But I guess you can say that about everything else though right? Like, different decisions bring different outcomes in your future. Like if you choose to rob a bank, or shoot somebody, then obviously your future leads you to jail. But Vancouver for me, is just totally open to any sort of imagination set for me. I guess when I was out there, I felt no pressure, because I didn't talk to anybody out there from home, they only knew me for me, they didn't know my past, therefore there was abosolutly no pressure for me to become something. Sometimes I think of being a politician, but why would I become something that I hate? I don't know. I just hate the whole political side of things. I hate it, I think politicians are the scum of the earth. The whole bullshit of politics really turns me off. Desperate people use anything to get ahead. And I just don't need that in my life. All of it is Chocolate Covered Bullshit its just the sweet outer shell they like, but with it comes the bitter bullshit that they feed you, the chocolate makes it easy for it to go down.

Sometimes the pressure is way too much. Everybodies eyes are on me to make my decision, "Save the people or Save yourself." I lose either way. I'm really tempted to be an asshole, and just think about myself. I really love psychology, and I really do see myself as a psychologist, I'm in love with human nature. Some people make it sound as if the Native population is so stupid that they can't fend for themselves, and that I should be their "Saviour" or something. I'm not the only Native Youth in Canada you know. Please don't make me something I'm not, and that's a bullshiter, I strongly dislike politics, I avoid them in all situations. Thank you for making me sound intelligent. Thanks but no thanks. And I guess don't feel personally resposible for my accomplishments, and just because I'm native doesn't really effect the outcome and please don't say "Its because of us he overcame the obstacles." you know? I did it for me, not for the "native population" and I know I sound like an asshole for saying that, but its true, I do things that will make me a happy old man. I like to live my life with no regrets.