| Help Kouri choose a career Oooooooh, this is so exciting. Kouri has been 'pre-approved' to train for a rewarding career at home in his spare time. Hahahahaha, he has lots of spare time! But he needs help deciding on a suitable career for a ferret. There's Air Conditioning and Refrigeration. He likes getting into refrigerators so that's a possibility. Occupational Therapy Aide might be good, except he bites strangers. I'm not sure how theraputic getting your arm chomped on is. Wildlife/Forestry Conservation might be good. He's good at conserving wildlife - when I got them a mouse he wasn't the one who killed it. Ah, here's a good one - Home Inspector. That's right up Kouri's ally! Floral Designer? Naw, he tends to un-design them! Ooooooh, Professional Bridal Consultant. That sounds like a fun job. When the brides try on gowns, Kouri would climb the trains. Pet Groomer might be a possibility, he likes grooming the cat. Except that any part that doesn't take well to grooming he just tries to chew off. If he became a Veterinary Assistant, he'd probably eliminate all shots and temperature taking! He's already had some cooking experience, so maybe going into Catering Gourment Cooking would be a good choice. Except he keeps calling it gor met instead of gor may. Ooooooh, here's a good one - Diesel Mechanics. Naw! Help Kouri secide what field his specialized Assoicate Degree should be in. After all, it's important to Advance your Ferrets to their Greater Glory!!! |
| Job Opening.... We have a position open in our mail room. Kouri's mail has become too much for one person to handle, In the past week he has received more mail than I have. Tonight he got a notification about his sweepstakes entry from some outfit called N.M.E., out of Clearwater FL. On Saturday it was a money saving opportunity for a successful future - which he deserves says the envelope. On Friday he hit the jackpot. The Postal Commenorative Society pitched their silver dollar collection to him, and 2 banks sent him pre-approved credit card offers. Then there was that 'buy ugly shoes and we'll throw in a battery operated hair cutting kit' deal. So anybody, want to be Kouri's secretary? We will supply the litter pan, and an extra cardboard box to sleep in, plus a food dish. You need to bring your own sleepsacks, a pack of Q-tips for your ears, if you bite - bring your own Bitter Apple. Oh, and if you pee on the floor, you better be prepared to clean it up yourself! PS: Only those unafraid to have raccoons stare at them through the windows need apply. |
| Told ya they'd get credit cards!! Ok, so it's not a done deal. It was a 'you are invited to apply', not 'you are pre-approved'. There I was, sorting through 2 days worth of mail, and I see yet another bank card offer envelope. Is it for me or Mr. Percy? Whoa, it's for KOURI WOOD! SSAN - none, Mother's maiden name - unknown Home phone - we have one of those Job - alpha ferret Total family income - worth dooking about Signature of applicant. Kouri did not cooperate. Couldn't find a stamp pad, so subsituted black craft paint. I considered using a ferret with a smaller foot, but hey, that would be forgery! Not exactly foot like smear on the application. Want a 2nd FREE card for another person - sure me! We'll see what happens. We also expect more offers. |
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| Kouri's gots mail!!! And a wonderful piece of mail it is too! It says, on the front of the envelope, 'If you (that would be Kouri) have and return the winning entry, you (Kouri) could win a $25,000.00 Blockbuster Writing Grant'! That would be nice! And it goes on to say 'Nothing to buy, now or ever'! This is good. But wait, there's more. There is a '$2,000.00 Early-Bird Bonus! Reply by February 2, 2001!' announcement as well. That's just the front of the envelope. On the back there is - oh, my, what is that noise, it sounds like groaning? It sounds like the collective groaning of 3,000+/- people! Okay I'll quit while I'm ahead.... |
| Kouri's great offer.. Kouri has been invited to become a 'charter member' of the Handyman Club of American! He got a cute little plastic card with a number and his name 'Mr. Kouri Wood, Charter Member since 1999' Oooooooh, we are so excited. He promises to maintain the club's high standards of workmanship and safety, to be fair and honest in product test reviews, and conduct himself in a courteous fashion while wearing the club's emblem. And he undestands his $1.00 a month dues wll be billed yearly! As I write this, Kouri is in the ferret room, looking around for something to 'test'. Probably hoping he'll get a chain saw so he can cut his way out! |
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| Build your ferret their own catapult! You've seen them on TV - people hurtling pianos, and old cars from giant catapults. Now we have ferrets operating catapults. Kouri's prototype is coming along, and he's been practicing hurling things. Well, I never did care much for that particular neighbors cat anyway...He's been trying to catch a raccoon but he's using the craw dad trap! Most sport catapulting is done in big open fields, of which we don't have any. Just water within range of Kour's ability to 'pult' or is it 'cata'? anyway his practicing keeps the guys at the gravel operation entertained. They get so busy watching him they forget what they're doing and yesterday the crane operator dropped a bucket of gravel on the supervisors car! As soon as the final glitches are worked out, Kouri will put his catapult plans on eBay. Proceeds to benefit Kouri! |
| Kouri would like for Widget's Halfway House guys to e-mail him privately so they can exchange 'toolbelt' information. Like which brand of scroll saw they are using and should he get a seperate sander or the scroll saw sander attachment? Kouri heard that Jim's crew has their own little Home Depot orange aprons from taking the Saturday kid's project classes. Way to go Widget's! |
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| Their own credit cards will be next! Somebody called one of my ferrets tonight! They wanted to ask him about the type of 'products' he used around the home. I said I'd go and get him. And I did! But the jig was up when I couldn't actually 'put him on the phone'. I wonder how many telemarketers his name has been sold to? This could be fun! |
| Kouri is speechless!!! Truly speechless. When I told him what Kit (and Stormy, and Sharon the mommy) had done, he just stared at me. Then he yawned and rolled over. But I guess he thought about it while he napped, because when he got up he said that all photos must be taken from his right side, because Milo bit off one of his left whiskers, about halfway, and he's very sensitive about it! Later I heard him giving Milo what for. Probably going on about the whisker and telling Milo he expected him to join and Milo wasn't having any of that. When I looked for Welly, he had as usual at the first sign of trouble, thrown himself belly-up in the litter box! Cheyenne and Angel, known around here as the 'sable trouble twins' acted like typical little sisters. They ran up to Kouri and one of them licked her paw and put it against Kouri's backside, while the other one went "ssssstt". Then they ran away giggling. Kouri looked befuddled and I didn't have the heart to tell him it was an act of disdane. |
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| Kouri's Fan club site was created and is maintained by Sharon B. aka the Founding Mom with special thanks to Kity=^..^=Kat. Last Updated March 18, 2003 |
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| Oh, that Kouri! Ring, ring. me: Yes, hello. them: Hello, may I please speak to Kouri Garber? me: Wood, his last name is Wood. them: Oh, I have Garber. me: Well, what did you need him for. them: This is the ________ Insurance Company, and he gave this number as his work number after his automobile accident yesterday. Wow, I always knew that boy was talented but Taking The Car Without My Knowledge?!! me: Uh, I think somebody's pulling your leg, Kouri is a ferret, and this is our home phone. them: Your ferret is named Cory? [I asume that's the spelling she had] me: Yes, it's spelled K-o-u-r-i, would you like me to go get him? them: No, that's ok, what a coincidence. I didn't tell her Kouri gets offers of credit cards and he belongs to the Handyman Club of America - she might have thought I was the one pulling her leg by pretending my son (or whoever) was a ferret! |
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| Can Ferrets crochet? Vanna White must think so because she has invited Kouri to become a member of her crochet book club. If he can't learn to crochet, will she refund his money? |
| Hummmppfff, the Mayo Clinic has never shown even the remotest interest in ME, but they are wooing my ferret! He can have a free trail subscription to their newsletter. Some critters have all the luck! 'Course the newsletter covers diseases he's not going to get, but hey, it's nice of them to show an interest in Kouri's wellbeing. |
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