West Oz's Bear Club


AU/NZ CyBear Club


The place for bear data

Oz.Org IRC chat channel

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Sigh What do I do, eh?

I love Paul. He's now leaving me behind.

I realised that I needed Paul more than anyone in the world. Yes, I never thought I could feel more complete after I had met Gareth, but the past three months have proved me wrong.

What's even more of a pain, is that Alex (name change to shield the identity), the guy that Paul is now intereacting with via the internet, was the one who told me how much I wanted to be with Paul... Alex was the one who woke me up to the realisation.

What does that say?

Yes I am a stupid fuckwit to not realise that I love Paul...

Yes I am a bloody idiot who does not deserve to live because he cannot see what is the right thing to do. I've lived the past two years falling more and more in love with Paul, and not being strong enough to call it a day with Gareth.

I have tried with Gareth, but there has been a lot of hassles over the past two years. Probably caused by work, but not all. There was a definate air of "complacency" on both our parts, but when I did try waking us both up to the situation, I got ignored.

I'm absolutely livid at the Alex knowing that I wanted to be with Paul yet continuing to chase him, and take him away. I'm livid at the Paul because I love him so much, and I KNOW he wanted to be with me, and he loves me.

I just want the man to let me know he loves me, and that he always did. Someone had this as a sign off on IRC, it is apt:

"Like Christmas morning when you're a kid, admit you love me and you always did."