The Married Life - 8
by [M]ad[C]at and Heri
The Married Life: Faramir and Eowyn!
The Boys Return
The sun has set, and the boys have dined on their culinary masterpieces, and are getting ready to return home from Edoras.
...
Back in Gondor, the women have spent a nice afternoon of gossiping (did you know that Sauron plucked his eyebrow?! It's true!
And Gandalf had a nose-job done. I swear. Eowyn's cousin's godmother's sister-in-law told her, so it has to be true...)
punctuated by the odd sneeze and unintentional Nuclear Fireworks Display.
There, too, the sun has set - well, it's to the East, so of course it did.
The girls have by then moved on to a nice introspective confessional moment, by the green nuclear light of Galadriel.
...
As the men approach the castle, Aragorn starts to notice something strange... a weird, supernatural, ethereal light, emanating from the backyard.
Aragorn - stopping dead in his tracks Look, Faz! Your house...
Faramir - Morgoth be damned! What the heck is that?!
Aragorn - I don't straining to remember... I can't... *sigh* I know Elrond
told me about this when he taught me all about Middle-earth History... but I just can't recall...
Faramir - But is it dangero---
Aragorn - Shh! Let me think...closes his eyes... ...suddenly his eyes snap open Damn!
Faramir - What? What is it?!
Aragorn - It's a Glow-beast. Before crossing Orcs with Goblin Men, Saruman crossed Fell-beasts with Fireflies and Sting.
Faramir - gets that look in his eyes that guys get when they discuss something that is either bound to kill them, or maim them for
life Wow...
Aragorn - realizing Oh no! The women!
Faramir - We'll have to kill it!... beat ...how do you kill a Glow-beast, Arrers?
Aragorn - Same way you kill a firefly, of course. Lots and lots of insecticide plus a fly-catcher.
Faramir - Right! thinks Ok, here's what we'll do: we enter the house through the front door,
right? You go to the kitchen - the insecticide and bug-killers are under the sink, right next to the weed-killers.
I'll go out to the shed to get a flycatcher---
Aragorn - Right! We regroup at 2000 hours near the gazebo, sneak across the Garden - (Oh Eru, the
women must be scared out of their wits!) - pounce on it, and while you beat the crap out of it, I spray it with insecticide until it
stops twitching!
Faramir - Arrers, brother, it's a plan!
...
Galadriel sits in the sofa in the living room. She reeks of insecticide. Her robes are torn and soiled green with grass.
She has leaves tangled in her hair, mud smeared over her face. A butterfly-net is propped on top of her head like a hat.
Aragorn - groveling on the floor Oh I am so sorry, Mother.
Galadriel - Don't call me Mother! I am your Grandmother-in-Law, and my greatest wish right now is that we weren't even
related!
Faramir - Would you like some tea, M'lady? Some juice? Some cake? Some muffins,
someicecreamsomepudding, something? Here, let me put your feet on this footstool to help you relax...grabs her ankles
Galadriel - Twitches and recoils Don't you touch me! Don't either of you touch me!
Faramir is caught by surprise and immediately shrinks back. Forgetting to let go of her ankles, this motion drags her down to the floor, where
she falls on her butt, with a great crashing sound
Galadriel - getting up That's it. That is it! I am leaving! I am gone!
Arwen, book me a ticket on the next Ship out to Valinor! She makes a grand theatrical exit, and slams the door
Aragorn and Faramir stand sheepishly staring at their shoes.
Aragorn - You know... now that I think of it, I got Elrond's lessons a bit mixed up... Glow-beasts glow blue
when Orcs are close. A green glow means Galadriel is suffering from Shire-Hay fever, again...
Faramir - Yeah... ... ...I sort of concluded by myself that you were somehow mistaken... roll eyes
and kicks Aragorn's shin
Aragorn - softly to Arwen... sweetheart...?
Arwen - Don't even talk to me. Take me home. Just drive!
Eowyn - Well, Faramir, thatfs another fine mess you got yourself into...
Chapter 1|
Chapter 2|
Chapter 3|
Chapter 4|
Chapter 5|
Chapter 6|
Chapter 7|
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