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Phase 1- Shock and numbness
Duration: Characteristics most intense first 2 weeks
Characteristics:
Attention span-short
Concentration is difficult
Decision making is impaired
Stunned,disbelief
Resistant to stimuli
Functioning impeded
Denial
Time confusion
Failure to accept reality
Phase 2- Searching and Yearning
Duration: Charcteristics dominant 2nd week - 4th month
Characteristics:
Sensitive to stimuli
Anger/guilt,dreams
Restless/impatient
Double meaning
Testing what is real
Irritability
Weight gain or loss
Sleeping difficulties
Aching arms
Obsession to get pregnant again
Preoccupation with the deceased
Resentment
Bitterness
Time Confusion
Palpitations
Sighing
Lack of strength
Headaches
Perceptual confirmation is key
Phase 3-Disorientation
Duration: Characteristics doninant 5th - 9th month
Characteristics:
Think I'm going crazy
Social withdrawal
Disorganized
Forgetful
Awareness of reality
Depressed
Guilt
Insomnia
Anorexia
Weight gain/loss
Sense of failure
Sadness
Exhaustion
Difficulty in concentration
Feels ill - "sick role"
Lack of energy
Phase 4- Reorganization/Resolution
Duration: Characteristics dominant 18th-24th month
Characteristics:
Sense of release
Renewed energy
Able to make decisions easier
Eating and sleeping habits re-established
Able to laugh and smile again
Increased awareness in self-esteem [appearance,diet,rest,exercise]
Begin planning for future
Carol E. Watkins, M.D.
Pregnancy is often a time of great hope for the future. The parents decorate a nursery, pick out names and fantasize about future years as their baby grows from childhood into adolescence and adulthood. The start of a new generation may draw in special attention from extended family. The traditions and expectations of relatives add drama and complexity to the process.
More often than one might expect, the dream is shattered. Something goes wrong and the family suffers a miscarriage or a stillbirth. About one in four women miscarry at some stage in their lives. Many people feel that a miscarriage or stillbirth is going to be less distressing than the loss of an older child. After all, no one has gotten to know the unborn child. The miscarriage may mean different things to particular families. To some, the loss feels much greater because they experience the loss of a whole lifetime of memories that will never be. Often the mother feels isolated in her loss. No one else felt the early physical changes, or the first tiny kick. The mother may also feel that her body has somehow let her baby and her family down. Her husband and relatives may not have experienced the baby as a separate person.
In the case of a stillbirth, it often helps the parents to see their baby, hold her, take photographs and give her a name. Even a deformed or premature baby may have features that resemble a parent or relative. If the pictures cause too much pain, they can be stored away and revisited later. Religious rituals associated with birth and death express love, and honor the uniqueness of the lost child.
Relatives should ask the parents how they could help. Unless the parents ask, relatives should not try to smooth things over by disposing of the nursery items. Some parents may experience this as a denial of the reality of the loss.
Friends should not expect the parents to grieve on any given schedule. Pregnancy loss means different things to different couples. For some, the grief continues at an attenuated level for years or even a lifetime.
