So, last night i took a Viagra, just to see what it was all about. Unfortunately, however, it got stuck in my throat. I had a stiff neck for 3 hours. (Thank you, Woody Paige.)
-cpb 6/28 {link}
It was a quick, interesting weekend. Spent some time at the in-laws' homestead & took the trip down to C-bus to see Pete & Jennie's new digs. A pretty nice place, indeed. Good party, too. Not to mention the whiskey. Got to see all 3 of the Bringman boys, plus one of the coolest people i've ever known or ever will know - Jeff Knitt.
I'll end with a quick rain dance for my parents, who are in the middle of a ring of fire in Albuquerque, which hasn't had rain in 69 straight days. Serves 'em right, anyhow.
-cpb 6/21 {link}
On my way to work last night i was listening to a bit of the parade/celebration going on in D-town for the Pistons & it seems, apparently, that the players actually had little or nothing to do with winning the title. Listening to each player talk for a couple minutes i discovered that, in fact, it was God that won the NBA Championship this year. And good for him, too. He's had a long career, & this is the guac on his taco, so to speak.
But on a serious note, i did want to say something about the NBA Finals. I can honestly say that i have never seen such a big underdog completely dominate the favorite in a final game/series the way the Pistons manhandled the Flakers. With the exception of the 1st quarter & the overtime session of Game 2, it seems as though the Pistons controlled every quarter of the series. They did whatever they wanted whenever they wanted & just totally shut the Lake Show down. So, the only question now is, are we going to have a repeat of the Bad Boys' repeat? It's a little early to tell, but i kinda have to like their chances.
-cpb 6/18 {link}
Congratulations to the Detroit Pistons... champions of the world. I was a game off on my prediction, but i'll take it.
-cpb 6/16 {link}
Boy, oh, boy. I almost forgot how much i love going to the dentist. A quick stop in at quote/unquote "Gentle Dental" was a knee-jerk reminder. Quite frankly, i think i'd rather jump face first, with my mouth & eyes open, into a vat of steaming hot diarrhea than go through getting my teeth scrapped with that goddamn pick again. Plus, i find out i gotta fistful of cavities. I guess it's my own fault. I hadn't been to the dentist since my first year of college, which, of course, was a half a century ago. But shit, man.
SCREW YOU, Gentle Dental. You can go to hell & die.
-cpb, mouth destroyed, 6/15 {link}
The wife & i went to the Tiggers game last night against Florida. Good seats, good game, good crowd. Hot dog & pretzel. Nice brisk game (about 2 & a half hours), a few dongs & an 8-4 Tigers win. Can't ask for much more than that.
-cpb 6/12 {link}
God is love.
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is god.
God is dead.
On a serious note, though, Ray Charles was an immense talent & will be sorely missed.
-cpb 6/10 {link}
Sorry, i gotta make one more comment on the passing of Mr. Reagan. If i see one more article or news story talking up what an optimist he was, i'm gonna puke. Listen, i have no doubt that Ronnie loved this country, and quite frankly, as criminal & crooked as his 8 year reign was (but don't we just love our politicians crooked?), i don't really doubt that he was a decent man. But the eternal optimist? Isn't this the same man who said that ours might be the generation that faces Armageddon? Doesn't sound that optimistic to me. But what the hell do i know?
-cpb 6/8 {link}
A lot of shizzle to dizzle today... so here it goes:
My picks for the Belmont were bad, as usual... however i did nail S. Jones getting the first loser spot. Damn you Nick Zito... but screw Philadelphia, anyway.
Game One tonight. Yee-haw. I've been mulling this over & mulling this over & have come to this conclusion - Pistons in 6. Crazy, i know.
In non-sporting news, my wife is in the middle of the "Cabbage Soup" diet. This is a week-long diet which for the most part consists of eating cabbage soup along with fruits & veggies. It would be juvenile of me to make some sort of fart joke here, so of course i will. No... i can resist.
Anyway, looking at what you're aloud to eat, it just makes me think that people make up random lists of foods you can & can't eat, throw it out to the public & just sit back & see how many people will actually put themselves through this stuff. Unfortunately, though, it seems many of the people who do this shit are people, like my wife, who don't need to lose any weight anyway. Selah, i guess.
And, of course, i would be remiss in not mentioning Dutch's passing. 93 years is a long time to live... luckily, i guess, he doesn't remember the last 10. That's a horrible joke, but screw. Ronnie is a huge figure in my life. He's the first president i remember, being only 2 when he took office. He was, also, my favorite president... until i reached the age of reason.
I'm sure in the next few weeks we are going to be flooded with memorials & love-fests up the wazoo, talking about how great a man & how great a president Ray-Gun was. Hell, we might even be told how great of an actor he was... which, quite frankly, i can believe (have you ever seen tapes of his Iran-Contra denial... give this man an Oscar!). But, such it is when famous people die. Hell, judging by the ass-kiss R.M. Nixon got when he died, Ronnie's memorializing might go on for a year. Which is a funny thought, cos if you take into account his entire presidency (along with his staff), Reagan probably makes the Milhous gang look like a bunch of Girl Scouts. Maybe the two can do brunch...
-cpb 6/6 {link}
Early picks today, cos i don't know if i'm gonna be around. I haven't picked Smarty Jones yet... so why start now.
1. Rock Hard Ten
2. Smarty Jones
3. Eddington
-cpb 6/5, 11:18 AM EST {link}
I spent half of my life on a train somewhere. Somewhere i never reached. Friday's sullied by. I left parts of my beard all over the country. I saw multi-colored flags wave in the distance. Arcs repeated themselves. Divers repeated the arcs. I spent 79 hours in an Iron Lung, then charged the bill to my company account. Bankrupt company anyways...
A drunken soldier with only $6 & a shore-leave wristwatch to tide him over till Saturday stopped me at Mickey's. "For the good of the country, brother. Don't believe what they say on TV... for the good of the country." Who are you to tell me which side of the fence to lay my bet down? A nickel's worth of justice goes a long way in this economy. So does tourism. But you'd never mistake the two...
"What are you writing," huffed the waitress, cigarette dangling from her dry-cracked lower lip, another in reserve behind her right ear, ready to burn. "None of your goddamn business you wretched whore," i thought, saying nothing. The stank-hash smell of the diner consumed my brain, forcing evil thoughts on me like a Nazi bunker. Idaho is full of places like these, if you can find them.
-cpb, of the odd thought, 6/4 {link}
The only thing worse then getting completely drunk, passing out & then pissing on yourself is getting completely drunk, passing out & waking up & not being sure whether you pissed on yourself or not.
-cpb 6/3 {link}
Well, today's Memorial Day. A day for memorializing, i guess. I, to my knowledge, have never known anyone killed in combat. Or wounded, for that matter. Unless, of course, you count my father's selective hearing.
-cpb 5/31 {link}
I swear to christ, if someone else asks me if I've found any mushrooms, I'm going to scream. Or bite them.
-Day-Z 5/31 {link}
Don't tread on our water... cock.
-Eli R. Duke 5/27 {link}
Dood. Doo-dood!
Hurry up & get a load of this before i fuck around & edit it. Likely it came from a happy place. But ya never can tell. Life Is A Carnival. Eat the ticket, take the ride. Wird.
-cpb 5/27 {link}
Hey, $2.10 a gallon, why don't you suck my balls!
Anyway... Polio apparently wants me to update, so i'll see what i can do.
Well, it's been an interesting month. An inventive one. For many reasons - Mother is the Invention of Necessity. Eat the ticket, take the ride. Empty the bucket over his head & reap the benefits at a later date. It's never too late... never too early. Always precise... the precise time... timing is everything. Well, alright then.
-cpb 5/25 {link}
For Shane... & anyone who loves MERV, i give you a bit of my sanity-saving. Fun At Work.
A bona fide "hoot".
-cpb 5/20 {link}
After watching Comedy Central's list of the 100 Greatest Stand-Ups Of All-Time, i decided to MAKE A LIST! That never happens. Anyway, just for shits & giggles, or just giggles, a put together the list of my favorite stand-up comedians. Enjoy.
-cpb 5/18 {link}
cpb: "Hey, Smarty Jones, feel like dominating today?"
SJ: "Yep."
cpb: "Well, alright then."
Preakness time & i switch the exacta. Oh well, at least my predicts were better than the dolemite i pushed out for the Derby.
-cpb 5/15, 6:39 PM EST {link}
I swear to God, if I get hissed at or bit by one more Goose, I am going to snap. I can't take it anymore! Raise your goddamn kids somewhere else.
-Day-Z 5/15 {link}
"Last night i saw a pretty good basketball game."
The Nets v. Pistons last night was probably the best NBA game i have ever watched live. Triple overtime, 3-pointer at the buzzer to tie, etc., etc. Damn you, Scalabrine.
Oh yeah... and here is this:
1. Rock Hard Ten
2. Smarty Jones
3. Water Cannon
-cpb 5/15, 5:49 PM EST {link}
Yesterday i was hopping around the internet & stopped in at the Polio Palace. Reading his post regarding the Nick Berg video piqued my curiosity. So i went in search of the video, which seems to be increasingly hard to find. Anyway, i saw it. Of course, it was horrific... not to mention disgusting. I guess i'm kinda lucky that i watched so many horror flicks as a kid, which gives me the ability to watch the video in a somewhat detached, "oh, that's not real," kinda way. Even though i know it is real.
Many thoughts rushed through my head. Anger, hatred, fear, sympathy. Searching for the video, i also caught many other people's reaction. Many were similar to mine, however i also caught a lot of the, "we gotta go in there & kill those bastards," & "this is why we gotta finish this," sentiment. Which is understandable, i guess. I, however, disagree. I think this is LOUD proof that we should have never stuck our nose in there in the first place & that the best possible thing we can do at this point is to get the hell out of there, before 700 more Americans die. There are already plenty of great Vietnam War movies out there, we do not need a life-sized re-enactment.
I think that it is time that the U.S. starts letting other countries deal with their own problems. I know the flip-side to this argument is, "what about all the innocent Iraqi citizens?" Well, quite frankly, too bad for them. I realize that this may seem cold-hearted, but WE CANNOT SAVE EVERYONE IN THE WORLD! And don't kid yourselves, here. The "innocent" people of Iraq are a ways down on the list of reasons why we've sent America's children into the desert to die. Reason #1? Hmmmmmmmmmm. Give ya a hint - a 3 letter word that starts with O & ends with L. I'll give ya 3 guesses. I could ramble on about this for a day and a half, so i'll stop for now. My heart goes out to Nick Berg's family & friends - & to the family & friends of every American who has died serving this crazy-ass country of ours.
-cpb 5/14 {link}
It's been a few months, but a new edition of Ponders is now in effect. Resume.
-cpb 5/11 {link}
Oops! I forgot to give a "happy birthday" shout-out to Cat. Sorry. Eli R. Duke turned 2 on the 5th. I guess i was too busy doing the robot.
-cpb 5/8 {link}
Lately i can't stop doing the robot. I believe it's cos at work i start doing the robot when i'm standing around with nothing to do, or if i don't know how to do something.
-cpb 5/5 {link}
So, Smarty Jones won the 130th running of the Kentucky Derby. And just about killed his damn owner. Luckily i don't bet on the horses anymore. Not since i made all that damn money on Real Quiet, then lost it all two years later because of that bastard Fusaichi Pegasus ("Never bet against Desormeaux." -Jody Galley). I haven't been to the race in five years, either... & that i blame on B. Early. Bastard's always off in Europe or on the West Coast touring with his jugg band. Back in the day the two of us did the Thompson/Steadman kick for a few years in a row. Maybe we burned ourselves out. Selah.
-cpb 5/1, 6:34 PM EST {link}
1. Minister Eric
2. Tapit
3. Birdstone
-cpb 5/1, 5:54 PM EST {link}
Yep, yep, yep. Ain't nuttin' like some last-week-o-April snow. Michigan in the hiz-ore.
Got some shiz in the wirks... keep cool, brotha.
-cpb 4/27 {link}
Went to the in-laws' house this weekend for some farm livin'. And some kick-ass ribs from D-in-lee. Damn things gave me the itis.
And for all you creepy old guys out there - 49 more days.
-cpb 4/26 {link}
Forgot to mention that the wife & i went to see George Carlin on Sunday night in the home of my birth, wonderful Tiffin, OH. It was great. The only bad thing about it was that, i guess due to the fact that we saw him in a small town, he seemed to be trying out material for his upcoming HBO special... trying to see what works & what doesn't. In fact, both the opening & closing bits he read straight off of a piece of paper. He explained after reading the opening that he had just written it & was trying to memorize it. That was cool though... cos then he put down the piece of paper & started off with, "Ya know what no one ever talks about in public anymore? Pussyfarts."
And besides that, there's this...
"Stole an opium suppository out of my grandmother's ass."
I've finally broken down & started reading W.S. Burroughs' Naked Lunch. It's been inevitable for quite some time, & although i fought off the urge for as long as i could, the book finally found me hiding in the corner. I'll keep ya posted.
-cpb 4/21 {link}
Today is my 3rd birthday... & you know what that means - I'm 21 in people years ---> LEGAL! A-oooooooooo! But seriously, folks... I'm gonna go take a dump.
-Day-Z 4/20 {link}
Happy birthday to my dog, Daisy. And what did i give her? I gave her the same advice my Dad gave me when i turned 3 - "Get a goddamn job." So i went off & got a job chewing asbestos at the Foundry. Best job i ever had. No, take that back. The best job i ever had was cleaning out the movie booths at Dick's Gay Porn Video Shaft. Then the Foundry. Number 3 was the summer i spent driving a zamboni in Bobcaygeon. Well, that is, until "the accident". But i'll leave that story for another day.
-cpb 4/20 {link}
I'm bored. I think I'm gonna sit in front of the TV & lick my crotch for about a half an hour. Later!
-Day-Z 4/17 {link}
Unbelievably, we're already a week-plus removed from Opening Day proper & i still haven't mentioned BASEBALL. I love baseball season. And what d'ya know, the Tiggers started off with 4 straight wins. Actually, the past week & a half or so has been pretty exciting for Motown sports fans. Besides the Tigers' quick start, the Pistons are wrapping up their 3rd straight 50-win season. And now, with the addition of Rasheed Wallace, many are saying that the 'Stons are the team to beat in the East. There's also the Red Wings, who ended the season with the best record in the NHL, looking slick as they enter the Stanley Cup Playoffs (although they're now tied 2-2 in their first round series v. Nashville). And there is even a buzz around the Lions as they prepare for the upcoming NFL draft.
Detroit is a great sports town & the people here love their teams. If the Tigers can turn around & play close to .500 ball, or hell, even .450 ball, people will be excited. And if the Lions just made the playoffs, the whole town would explode. I was listening to The Sports Inferno, a local sports talk show, on AM 1270 Saturday morning & heard a great quote about Detroiters' love affair with their sports teams. The guy was talking about how much local sports fans want to love the Tigers & Lions, but it's hard to love someone who punches you in the face every day. "The Tigers & Lions are the Ike Turner to the fans' Tina."
-cpb 4/14 {link}
Well, i'm not sure what the hell happened. I go to No. Carolina for a few days then down to the in-laws for Easter din-din & everything at THE Experience gets screwed up. Posts go missing, links die, pictures explode on contact. Oh well, if you've been waiting the past few days for an update (which i know you have), read on & catch up on what you've missed.
-cpb 4/11 {link}
Only about 60 degrees this past week in North Carolina, but 60 on the beach is better than 45 in Michigan. Oh, & by the way, i was not pouting about the NCAAs. Don't listen to anything Cat says about me. He's a savage liar. Luckily, however, T. Strong did pay up. Damn Cat can't even drive anyway.
-cpb 4/10 {link}
Goin' to North Kakalaky for a few days. Not looking forward to 13 hours in the car, but am looking forward to shrimp & too much Rum.
Anyway, i said a while back that i'd do this, so here it is (i've gotten back to individual songs):
1) Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs (this song grabs me by the balls & won't let go)
2) Real Good Looking Boy & Old Red Wine - The Who (first new studio recordings from The Who in 22 years)
3) The Slider - T. Rex
4) Pressure Drop - Toots & The Maytals
5) Are You Gonna Be My Girl & Lazy Gun - Jet
6) I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness
7) Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots, Part II - The Flaming Lips (best instrumental song in last 25 years)
8) She Caught The Katy (And Left Me A Mule To Ride) - Taj Mahal
9) I.L.B.T.s - Joe Walsh (good timey)
10) Corona - Minutemen
-cpb 4/4 {link}
This is Cat, sitting in for The Owner. He's too busy pouting because the two teams he thought would meet in the NCAA Men's Basketball Final both got beat tonight. Pansy. Hell, even I couldn't have predicted Ga-Tech's run, but I really don't care. All I know is that my 36-1 bet with Tommy Strong down at Powell's Pub that both U-Conn's men's & women's teams would win it all this year is about to pay off. I've been driving around in his BMW 380i for the past two months as collateral. If he doesn't pay me the $3,600 he'll owe me, I'm gonna toss a bomb into it & drive it straight into his kitchen. Then I'm gonna nail the bastard for insurance fraud. Res ipsa loquitur.
-Eli R. Duke 4/3 {link}
April Fools?
-cpb 4/1 {link}
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